


Bad Birthday Presents

by Piper15



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 20:59:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 75
Words: 54,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20880593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper15/pseuds/Piper15
Summary: Ben's birthday present of a car to Callum does not work out as planned.So this story has turned out to be much for angst filled than I originally thought - originally the story was supposed to a cute funny story about Ben accidentally getting Callum arrested. It has now turned into much more than that.  I hope you enjoy it, I've tried to stay true to the characters.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

He was going to kill him. Slowly and painfully kill him, Callum fumed to himself, he wasn’t sure how yet but he was definitely going to make Ben pay. 

“Sir, do you need anything from the vehicle?” 

“No, no I'm good.” He had his wallet and phone from inside which covered all he needed. 

“I’m going to release you on a promise to appear which will have your court date on it and a condition to not be in any motor vehicle without the registered owner” the police officer told him as the tow truck loaded up the car he had been driving to take it to the impound lot. “Do you have a ride?”

Did he have a ride? He was on the west side of London, a train stop nowhere near him while the car his boyfriend had given him for his birthday was being towed away because it was stolen with no insurance or registration. Of which Ben promised it had plus was not stolen. 

Death was going to be too good for Ben Mitchelle. 

And he really hadn’t thought about how he was going to get home. 

“Umm, no. Is there any chance you can drive me to a train station so I can get back home?” 

“Sure, but you will have to sit in the back due to safety practices. The train is a five minute drive away.” So Callum folded his long body into the small back seat of the police vehicle cursing Ben in his head again. Imagining ways to kill him. Maybe taking his glasses and contacts away then pushing him in front of a vehicle or, even better, hiding his credit cards so he couldn’t afford to drink. That would really make him suffer. 

Either way, he had words for his boyfriend once he was back in Walford. And punches. 

Right now Callum really understood people’s urge to punch Ben as he watched the streets pass from the back of a police vehicle.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes life just went well, Ben thought on the walk to Queen Vic to meet Jay for the end of the day drink, he had sold a couple of cars today, Tubs had some money for him and the day had started with him taking Callum apart until he had been speechless and breathing hard. Overall an excellent day.

Remembering this morning, Ben realized he hadn’t heard from Callum for the day which was which was odd as they usually stayed in pretty steady contact during the day but today Callum had been going to the far west side of London in regards to a meeting for fundraiser with Vicky for soldiers suffering from PTSD and hadn’t known how long it would take. Ben hadn’t expected to hear from him as it was only 3:30pm, he was missing his boyfriend.

Not that he would tell anyone that. Well, maybe Callum but only to get some extra attention later tonight. Naked attention.

Walking up to the Vic, Ben came up to Jay and slapped him on the back, the day was over and it was time to enjoy the day. “Let’s grab a pint brother.”

“Sure,” Jay said turning to fac Ben, “how was your day?”

“So great. Sold a couple of cars, Tubs brought me some money and, well, this morning with Callum let me tell you he left a happy man this morning”

“Umm, think that good day is coming to an end” pointing over Ben’s shoulder to Callum storming towards them with a dark look on his face, Ben turning to see what he was pointing at smiling when he saw Callum. 

“Hey babe, what’s --”

“I’m so angry at you, I can’t believe you did this to me.” Looming over Ben, Callum speaking very slowly and clearly trying very hard to not yell. “I have to go to court, I had to get a police officer to drive me to the train station and I had to spend 2 hours getting back here. I missed my meeting for the fundraiser with Vicky because of you and you know how important that is to me. How I want to honour Chris with this.”

“What are you talking about?? Callum I have not done anything --” Reaching for Callum’s arm, he aimed to calm him done but Callum stepped back before he could touch him. 

“My birthday gift - the wonderful birthday you GAVE me” Calllum interrupted him, “the one you promised wasn’t stolen and was a legit purchase because you wouldn’t put me in that position again, turns out it was stolen!” 

“God Ben, you didn’t” the shock in Jay’s voice was unmissable. “Please tell me you didn’t. Even you aren’t that much of an idiot.” As Ben flushed while looking at the ground, Jay knew he had. “And you are that much of an idiot.”

Looking between his boyfriend and best friend, trying to decide the best approach to limit the damage. Plus not having Callum kill him as, from the look on his face, was a strong possibility. 

“Look, I didn’t really know, not a hundred percent that the car was stolen. I mean --”

The urge to punch Ben was beginning to overwhelm Callum again. 

“Stay away from me Ben,” Callum spun on his heel walking away. 

“Callum, wait,” Ben walking quickly to grab his arm, to stop him from walking away, to turn the situation around or to somehow fix this situation, “let’s talk about this.”

Stopping Callum spun around to look at his guilty looking boyfriend, a part of him feeling bad for Ben until he remembered sitting in the back of the police car and having to call Vicky to explain why he would miss the meeting and his anger overwhelmed him again. 

“Ben, right now, you just need to leave me alone. Otherwise I”m going to say or do something that I can’t take back and will regret. That we will both regret.” Wrenching his arm away he walked away and didn’t look back as Ben stared at him, a sinking feeling overtaking him.

Jay came up behind Ben to put his hand on his shoulder as Ben’s head and shoulder’s slumping. 

“I think I screwed up.”

“C’mon, I’ll buy you a drink while you tell me why you were such an idiot.” And, maybe, Jay thinks to himself, figure out a way to save your relationship.


	3. Chapter 3

Ben put down the pint after a long drink, leaning forward to put his head in his hands with a soft groan. So much for his good day or celebrating it naked with his boyfriend. This day had quickly turned from great to awful in less than a minute.

Jay sat across from him, not saying anything just sipping at his beer, waiting for Ben to start talking and, to be honest, what could he say? He knew Ben wouldn’t deliberately try to get Callum arrested but turning a bit of a blind eye to whether or not the car was stolen so he could impress the taller man was something he would do. 

“I really didn’t mean to get him arrested,” Ben said looking up at Jay, “I just didn’t, maybe, you know, ask all the questions I should have. The car was nice and I knew he would like it as the Qashqai has lots of legroom cause he’s tall, ain’t he? And it was the first time I could give him a really good birthday present - first time since Paul I had anyone to give a present to . . . “ 

“You know the path to hell is paved with good intentions, right? ” Jay said between sips of his beer.

“That’s not helpful and I’m already going to hell.” The two men sat in silence nursing their beers, “any helpful suggestions?”

“Besides grovelling?” Glaring at Jay, Ben took another drink of his beer.

“I already know that part but what else? I don’t think grovelling and a great blow job is going to get him to forgive me,” causing Jay to choke on his beer, “so something else would be helpful.”

After successfully swallowing his beer, looking at Ben thoughtfully, “What did you make him miss today with Vicky?”

“She’s involved with a PTSD program for active and retired military members and today was an organization meeting for an upcoming fundraiser. I guess it was important to Chris and so it is important for Callum especially now that he is out and accepting who he is. I think it is his way to honour Chris’s memory as he couldn’t when he was alive.” Ben groaned slumping in his seat, “And the gift I got him prevented him from doing that. He’s never going to forgive me.” 

“I think never is a stretch. But I think I have an idea to at least start down the road of earning his forgiveness. Are you going to go home tonight?”

“Why wouldn’t I go home tonight? Besides the fact that my boyfriend might kill me in my sleep?’ The 2 bedroom apartment that Ben and Callum had been sharing for almost 3 months was just down the road from the Vic so it was easy for both of them to get to work. 

“I just wanted to make sure,” Jay said, “you don’t want to give him more reason to not trust you. Though I’d be expecting to be sleeping on Lexi’s princess if I were you.”

Ben groaned as he downed the rest of his beer, “So let’s hear this idea of yours before I go home to sleep on Lexi’s very pink and sparkling princess bed that will make my back hurt.”


	4. Author's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have more chapters coming but I need to go get a new power cord so hopefully will post tomorrow or Wednesday.
> 
> Also this is becoming a lot more angsty than I originally thought so it we'll see where it goes. It will definitely become very explicit son

See author's note in regards to update.


	5. Chapter 5

Callum found himself outside of Whitney’s door without even realizing that was where he had been heading too. The anger at missing the fundraiser had started to abate but leaving the anger that Ben had broken his promise that he wouldn’t get Callum involved in one of his schemes without Callum knowing. He knows Ben always is up to something, and he kinda loves that about him, but getting arrested for something he had no knowledge of felt like a fundamental betrayal of who they are as a couple.

He knew Ben had not meant for him to miss the meeting today and that was, actually, the easier thing to forgive.

Knocking on Whitney’s door, he waited for her to come down as he needed someone to talk to and vent at. In the last 9 months since the wedding that wasn’t and his coming out, he and Whitney had developed a nice friendship. One where they could watch TV together and talk about everything in each others lives without worrying about hurting each other’s feelings.

“Hey you,” Whitney opens the door with a smile at Callum, “what’s up? Did we have plans that I forgot about??” 

“No, but I was hoping we could hang out? I just need to not be around with Ben cause I might kill him.”

Whitney stood back to hold the door open and wave him into the warm apartment with the TV on 8n the background. He took a seat at the kitchen table but not saying anything as Whitney poured him a glass of red wine from an already open bottle of red before sitting down across from him with her own glass. 

“So what did he do?” And Callum explained all - from the car to the promise it wasn’t stolen to being arrested to missing the meeting to wanting to punch Ben. Which put a smile on Whitney’s face, “you aren’t the first one who has wanted to punch Ben Mitchell. Doubt you’ll be the last either.”

“That is true but I just thought he wouldn’t do this to me again, he loves me right? Not getting me arrested seems like a reasonable position to take.” Callum took another large drink of his wine, “I just need to not see him right now.”

“You can stay here. We can watch some more Line of Duty, the new season is out and I haven’t watched it yet as I was saving it to start our Line of Duty date nights up again. And I have another bottle of wine so we are good to go,” Whitney smiled at him, getting up from the table and motioning with her head for him to follow her to the sofa which he did.

“Yeah, and maybe some Good Place afterwards” they both loved the Good Place and it had been a while since they had binged any of it. Callum put his arm around the back of the couch and Whitney leaned back into him, it was nice that they could be like this. Whitney had become his best friend and he was especially grateful for that tonight.

Two hours later and on their 2nd bottle of wine both were well and truly on their way to getting drunk while laughing at Kristen Bell and Ted Danson trying to save humanity on the Good Place when his phone rang. His phone had started binging him with the sound he had assigned to Ben’s text messages approximately an hour ago, but he stuffing it down the couch to ignore. Until Ben began calling and the sound of Harry Potter Hedwig theme rang in the room.

Pulling his phone out of the cushions with a sigh, he unlocked it and started scrolling through messages.

4:30 pm - Hey can we talk?

4:45 pm - I'm sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen.

5:00 pm - I'm really sorry, where are you?

5:20 pm - I'm headed home, are you there??

5:45 pm - I'm home, where are you? Do you want food? I'll order Indian ( which was Callum's favourite but Ben avoid at all costs so he's clearly looking to earn points)

5:48 pm - Am I going to have to sleep on Lexi's princess bed tonight??

5: 51 pm - Callum where are you??

5:58 pm - I'm getting worried, please call or text me. We need to talk.

And a text from Jay

5:43 pm - Where the fuck are you?? Ben's keeps texting/calling to ask if I've heard from you and I'm supposed to be having a night out with Lola. Call your fucking boyfriend.

"Ben?" Whitney asked while filling up their glasses with more wine.

"Yeah, maybe I should go home," Callum sighing. "I should talk to Ben."

"Or text him and tell him you are staying here tonight? We can head down to the corner, get some wine, chips and Currie and watch all Good Place. And talk," Whitney smiling at him, "it'll be a BFF night. C'mon it'll be fun."

With a moment's pause, he grinned at her, "Yeah I'll stay. We can do a Good Place binge and Ben never wants Chips and Currie. Let's do it". Opening his phone to send a text to Ben, positive this was exactly what he needed.


	6. Chapter 6

6:20 pm - Staying at Whit's tonight, we'll talk tomorrow. 

Well if that doesn't say "fuck off and leave me alone" Ben didn't know what did. Guess he could sleep in their bed tonight but did he really want to alone?

And Whitney? Why did he have to go to Whitney?? Tossing his phone on the table, with a lot more care than he wanted to, Ben got up to put away the still bagged Indian food on the kitchen counter. Ben had ordered the dishes that Callum liked, Biryani, Samosa and Butter Chicken, in hopes of buttering up his boyfriend but that clearly wouldn't be happening. 

Whitney.

Why did he constantly run to Whitney?

Every time they fought or something happened or whatever random reason Callum could come up with he went to Whitney. And told her everything. Every single thing that happened between them. It drove Ben nuts but he couldn’t even bring it up as a topic with Callum as he was so sensitive about their relationship and protective of her. The one time he had suggested that maybe Whitney didn't need to be involved in every argument or issue (hell he talked to her about which apartment they should get) Callum had said she was his best friend and walked away. And that had been it. 

Not a productive conversation and so Ben had just dropped it, telling himself it wasn't like Callum would ever cheat or anything like that. But it kinda felt like he did sometimes or that Whitney was a third constant party in their relationship. Or that Ben was cheating with Callum long Whitney. That feeling had been growing more and more lately.

He didn’t want Callum to cut Whitney out, he needed friends but, just once, couldn’t they just talk without him going to her first? Couldn't talking to Ben alone about stuff be enough?

“Get a grip Ben. You sound like a jealous teenager which is ridiculous.” A teenager with a renewed urge to smash something.

Right, well as a grown up he would not destroy stuff in his own house. Instead he put the food into the fridge before grabbing his coat and heading out the door texting on his way. Spending the night alone while Callum bonded with Whitney over what a shit boyfriend was to be avoided at all costs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I like the idea of Whitney/Callum friendship but I get where Ben is coming from and I think most people would have that issue. Plus I can see Callum having no ability to separate what should or should not be shared especially in an effort to keep Whitney in his life.


	7. Chapter 7

"Feel better?" Smiling at Callum while eating her chips and Currie, the happiness of having him around never really left Whitney. Callum had become her best friend since the disastrous non-wedding and Whitney was determined to ensure his happiness. 

"Yeah but who wouldn't with you, food and the Good place to watch? You are the best Whit. '' Callum grinning before drinking some more wine. "This is exactly what I needed."

The two ate in a comfortable silence while watching TV. 

"So what do you want to do for the rest of the night," asked Callum, "I'm pretty open. I heard about Good Omens, maybe we should watch that?"

"I thought you and Ben were going to watch that? Did you guys watch it already? I haven't and am open to other things," Whitney looking at him quizzingly, clearly confused.

"Yeah, well, uh, we are but haven't had time to sit down and watch with work, Lexie, life and getting arrested," Callum mumbled into his last bit of chips. "So thought maybe we could . . ."

Whitney's eyebrow raised before she spoke "So to be clear you are going to punish Ben for something he really didn't mean to do by watching a show you know he would love with me??"

Callum had the decency to blush while blustering "I thought you weren't a Ben Mitchell fan?? Doesn't the idea of that make you happy?? I got arrested due to him!"

Whitney was not a Ben Mitchell fan, and would never be one. The tiny illogic but loud part of her brain still occasionally said if not for Ben her and Callum would be happily married. They would have kids or on the way to having them. And could have lived happily ever after. The logical part of her brain knows how ridiculous that is as Callum is gay and smacks the illogical part of her brain when those thoughts arises but she did think Callum could do better. Hell she had told Ben on several occasions that Callum could do better and not to mess him around.

"Callum did you really think you could date a Mitchell and NOT get arrested at some point?" Looking at him pointedly before continuing, "I think if you wanted someone other than Ben Mitchell you would have figured that out. Do I think you could do better than Ben Mitchell? Probably but I also know you aren't the type to sow oats just for the hell of it."

Both sat in silence pretending to watch TV while pretending to not think as Whitney pretended she couldn't hear his brain spinning beside her. "Listening to your brain spin is killing my buzz. Just say what you want."

More silence before Callum spoke " I only want Ben. But it feels like such a betrayal of our relationship, I don’t really ask about his dodging dealings but maybe I should be. What do you think?"

"If he's who you want then you have to take the whole package. But know this, Callum Highway, if I ever think he has hurt you in any way Ben Mitchell will be dead in the street. I will always protect you from anything or anyone."

"Yeah, you are right," pulling her in for a hug, "don't know what I'd do without ya Whit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To me Whitney is not the bad person and, to be clear, I'm not making her one.


	8. Chapter 8

"My round this time?" Tub asked while getting up and out of the table at E20 to head to the bar. 

"Yup, and bring back some shots would ya," Ben drank his beer as Tuba walked away. Texting Tubs to go out for some drinks had been a good idea, Tubs didn't ask questions Ben didn't want to answer - like where his boyfriend was or why his boyfriend staying at Whitney's instead of coming home to talk. 

And Tubs had wanted a wing man and Ben was an excellent wing man except, looking over at the bar where Tubs stood talking to a short cute redhead, his wing man services might not be needed. With a sigh, he waved at the waitress and ordered another beer just in time to see Jay and Lola walk in. Great, so much for successful drowning his sorrows without questions as they saw him and made a beeline for the table.

"Hey," Lola smiling as they came up to him, "how's it going? Where's Callum?"

"Umm, well Callum is not speaking to me and is at Whitney's place."

"You guys didn't sort it?" Looking between him and Jay with confusion, "I thought you had a grovelling plan plus with the fundraiser idea you would have made up."

"Nope, the only thing I've heard from Callum is that he is at Whitney's and will talk to me tomorrow. As such I am out with Tubs as his wingman and to drink. To drink all the drinks." Ben raised the pint the waitress had put down to them, "want to drink with me??"

"Alright, I'll head to the bar to get drinks," Jay left while Lola sat down.

"So what happened?"

"Didn't Jay fill you in? I got Callum arrested, not on purpose, with the car I got him for his birthday making him miss the meeting about the fundraiser with Vicky and he is not speaking to me. That about sums it up." Ben took a long drink of his beer hoping that would stop Lola knowing it wouldn't. 

"So why isn't he coming home? Why is he with Whitney?" Lola staring at him in genuine confusion.

"Ah well, that's easy. See Callum goes to Whitney about everything as she is his BFF. Fight with me - go to Whitney. Need to choose an apartment to live in with your boyfriend - go to Whitney. Need to decide which boxers to wear - go to Whitney. Figure out which condom you like -"

"Stop I get it" holding up her hand to stop Ben talking, " he goes to Whitney for a lot of things. But it is good he's got a friend to talk too."

"Yes I agree but I think he's cheating on his BFF with me. I mean, if she had a strap on I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be needed. Do you know he told her all about me going to my ear doctor to get a new hearing aid and what he said? I didn't even talk to Jay about that." Tubs and Jay arrived back at the table with beer and shots for everyone. "Anyways, we are here to drink! And look there are shots!"

"Ben, we can talk--" 

"Nope we can drink. Tonight is going to be a good time and that is final. Tubs will find a cute guy to go home with, Lola will make all of us dance and I will not think of my boyfriend." Raising the shot of Jack Daniels in cheers before downing it, Ben smiling as he did, " C'mon guys let's get it on."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how long this will be BUT i do know there will be a HEA but, maybe, Callum needs to earn it a little.

Sambuca shots had been a bad idea. 

Groaning as he rolled away from the light, stopping himself as he realized he wasn't in a bed but on a couch. Falling off the couch would be extra painful today. God, he needed water and possibly a hammer to start hitting him on the head to distract him from the pounding inside of it. Slowly opening one eye Ben realized he was on Lola and Jay's sofa and, looking down under the blanket someone had tossed on him, only wearing his boxers. He also saw a large glass of water someone, likely Jay, had placed beside him which he grabbed to start drinking.

What time had they come home? Ben had a vague memory of dancing with Lola towards the end of the night but largely blank after that. He had no recollection of getting to their place or time of arrival. Even less of how much he drank but clearly a lot based on how he felt. What time was it? Where was his phone so he could check? Slowly, and with a grown, Ben got up off the sofa to check his pants for his phone which wasn't there. His apartment key and wallet were but not his phone. Crap had he lost it? That would not be good and he really did not want to spend money on a new one.

"Looking for this?" Lola's voice came from behind him while he searched the floor making Ben turn to see she had his phone in her hand.

"Oh thank God, I thought I had lost it," reaching his hand out for his phone, "Thanks Lo."

"Nope, no getting it back til we talk. I have questions that need answers." Lola sat down on the sofa, patting for Ben to come join her which he reluctantly did. "So, tell me why Callum stay at Whitney's last night and not working it out with you."

"Because Whitney is his best friend and he needed someone to talk to? After I got him arrested? They talk about everything."

"And are you okay with that? You said he told her about your doctor's appointment, I would have thought that was just between the two of you?". Without Ben realizing it, Lola had put a hand on his thigh trying to show him her support. “I mean you didn’t even talk to Jay about it.” 

"I don't really have a choice do I? I did try to talk to him about it once but he just said Whitney was his best friend, important to him and walked away. I got the message so now I just deal with it. I have to if I want to be Callum don't I?"

At that sadness overwhelmed Lola as the realization that Ben valued himself so little that he couldn’t stand up for what he wanted. He had spent so much of his life trying to get approval, for his dad to love him most but only getting scraps that he has no idea how to demand the love he deserves.

"Ben, you have to talk to Callum about this. If you don't it will just fester to the point that you will resent him and any love will be gone. He needs to know how you feel if this relationship is going to last."

Ben drank his water while Lola spoke, needing a reason to not speak. To not spill out how he knows Callum would not choose him if Ben made a fuss. How he finally found someone to love after Paul and he wasn't enough. Of his fear he would never be enough for someone again, that the person who he had been enough for was gone and never coming back.

In a very quiet voice Ben spoke, "What if he chooses her? What if, if i talk to him, he realizes he only loves me for the sex? What if he really wants Whitney but she's not a man so he settled for me?"

With that two arms wrapped around Ben's shoulder from behind and Jay spoke "Than he doesn't deserve you brother. You deserve to be the number one priority to the person you love, not second choice. And if Callum doesn't realize that, well, he doesn't deserve you and you deserve better. 

Lola lay her head on Ben's shoulder "You are worth all the love Ben even when you are a pain in the ass. And you are the best dad to Lexie, you love her even though she is exactly you - charming in an evil way and I mean that in the best way. You deserve all the love, the love you constantly show Lexie, us and Callum. And if he can’t see that you deserve better. Paul would want you to have better. Plus Jay will make him do all the filing from now on if he's stupid enough to not realize how important you are. Right Jay??"

"Do all the filing? Mate he'll be lucky I don't fire him then bury him alive," causing all three to laugh. "C'mon let's go to the cafe and put some greasy food in you to help with the hangover. Told ya you shouldn't have down those Sambuca shots.". 

With a laugh they all got off the couch to head breakfast and the thought occurred to Ben that he might be worth all the love.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So a couple things:  
1\. Callum is not bi in this he is gay so no Callum/Whitney sex is ever appearing in this  
2\. In his efforts to keep Whitney in his life he couldn't say no and didn't realize what that would cost  
3\. Hope you like the heartbreak! Cause I really liked writing it

Callum woke up with a smile on his face, despite the red wine hangover, remembering last night’s realization that Ben was all he wanted and Whitney’s support for that. Seeing Ben was priority 1 today, telling him he wasn’t angry and loved him. He sat up on the couch, grabbing his keys and phone while walking out the door to head back to their apartment. His phone said 9:30 am so Ben could still be home so they could talk and maybe some naked talking.

Walking into their apartment calling Ben’s name to no response came the realization there would be no naked talking. Ben probably having gone to work early or to have breakfast with Lexie before taking her to school. Either way, the plan became shower, briefly go to work to tell Jay he culdn't for the day and find Ben. Not necessarily in that order if Ben showed up at home. 

9:29 am - Hey I’m home, getting in shower. Want to join me?

9:45 am - okay I'm going to work now, I'll come find you as soon as I can

10:15 am - Want to do lunch? My treat at Ian’s, we can have a good lunch. Maybe not go back to work?

10:42 am - Did you lose your phone again?

10:55 am - Ben?

11:15 am - Jay just texted to say you guys are at breakfast, does that mean you don’t have a phone? Said he’ll be back this afternoon and I’ll leave after that

Text to Jay at 11:17 am - Did Ben lose his phone again? 

Text from Jay at 11:20 am - No, it is just dead. He’ll charge it soon.

Text to Jay - 11: 22 am - Okay, tell him I’ll come find him once you get here.

11:48 am - I made reservations at Ian’s, I hope your phone is just charging and that’s the reason you aren't calling or texting me back.

12: 30 pm - Jay is finally here! He told me you are at the garage, I’m on my way to you love ya

Ben sat behind the desk on the phone when Callum entered so he slowed not sure if he was interrupting but Bed waved him in. 

“Okay, so I need to be there by 3pm today?” A lengthy pause before he continued, “Great, email me a ticket and we’ll go from there. You’ve been a great help, thanks mate.” Hanging up the phone he gave Callum a cool look, “what’s up?”

“Umm, ticket to where??? Or are we going somewhere” Surprising Callum with a trip was something Ben would do, get them a weekend trip for lots of naked time. 

“One of my buddies, James, who now lives in Dublin, wants me to come help him at his garage for the next couple of weeks. He’s short help and has some big contract so he asked me. It’ll be a good chance to make some legit money and I like Dublin so it will be fun. Lola is happy to keep Lexie while I’m away plus I’m going to bring her back lots of presents so she’ll be fine. Ben smiling at Callum all the while though the words weren’t making sense to him.

“Wait, you’re going away? I don’t understand,” confusion overwhelming Callum along with a sense of dread, “what is going on? Aren’t we going to lunch?” He could see Ben taking a big breath before slowly rising out of his chair to speak.

“He asked me a couple of days ago and I just sorta of think it would be go, get away for a bit,” Ben looking everywhere but directly at Callum while he spoke. “To get away from everything.”

“Get away from what? Are you in some sort of trouble? Cause we can fix it” a feeling of relief washing over him at the thought it was just another one of the other man’s schemes blowing up. 

“Thanks for the support but no, I just need to get away for awhile.” Ben gave Callum a sad but soft smile.

“Without me?”

“Yeah I think it is best, I think we need some space,” Ben took a deep breathe, “maybe a break.”

A feeling of dread that his world might be crumbling around him and he didn’t even know why began working its way over Callum. “I don’t understand,” he whispered, “why would we need some space? We love each other. We live together. We have a life together.” 

Leaning back on the desk Ben took a deep breath before starting a conversation his heart screamed at him to not have but his head said he needed too. An unpleasant conversation.

“You know that you and Lexie are the most important people in the world to me, right? That I put you guys above everyone? You can feel that right?” 

“I know that and I feel the same way --”  
Ben interrupted him before he could continue, “The thing is I don’t really think it is true for you. I think the most important person in your life is Whitney, and that’s okay,” it really isn't but that's Ben’s problem not Callum’s, “but I can see how this is going to go with what is happening. I’m going to start to resent you for it and you’ll resent me for any ultimatum I give you which I won’t win anyway.”

“Ultimatum? Won’t win?” Confused overwhelmed him, “why would you give me an ultimatum about Whitney? She’s my best friend and you are my boyfriend, why would I have to chose?”

And all the anger that Ben had been suppressing overcame him and came spewing out. “Callum, you were so mad with me you didn’t reply to any of my texts, until you told me to basically say fuck off and you were staying at your ex’s. You told her about my hearing doctor’s appointment and what he said, something I didn't’ even tell Jay. You hang out with her whenever possible. You couldn’t make a decision on whether or not you liked our apartment until you talked to Whitney. You can’t even make decisions we alone should be making without talking to her first. How is she NOT the most important person in your life? You can’t function without her and when we argue she’s the first person you go to. The concept of talking it out with me didn’t even occur to me, coming HOME TO ME didn’t occur to you.”

Staring at Ben in shock, not believing what was happening Callum opened his mouth but nothing came out so Ben kept talking.

“I don’t want to resent you for something you can’t give me and I don't want you to resent me when I ask you for that knowing you can't give it to me. Instead let’s just end things while they are still good and we can be friends.” 

Nothing would come out of Callum’s mouth despite all the yelling in his head, the pain in his heart. 

“Ben I love you, you can’t leave,” finally came out, “we can make this work.”

Ben stood and took a couple of steps until he stood right in front of the taller man raising his hand up to cup the left side of his face,”I don't think we can and this is for the best. Callum you are a good man and you deserve to be happy, I just don’t see that happening if we stay this way. Friends always I promise, okay.”

The tears were running down Callum face, his voice barely a whisper, “please don’t do this Ben. We can fix this. I can fix this.”

With a shake of his head he took his hand away to walk around Callum for his bag that sat by the door. “I’ll pay for a couple months rent till you find a roommate, don’t worry about that. And I’ll be back, but Jay and Lola will come get my and Lexie’s stuff while I’m away. It’ll be easier and we’ll always be friends. I promise.” 

Turning to follow him out the door words coming out of his mouth, “I’m sorry about last night Ben, you are right I should have come home. We should have talked then but I didn’t realize, I didn’t think I just went to Whitney’s. I didn’t know . . .” his voice trailed off, “I didn’t realize.”

And that, was the saddest part of the entire thing, that Callum didn’t realize, that he hadn’t been deliberately trying to hurt Ben but he just wasn’t important enough to think about. 

“Kinda sums it all up right? You thought of her but not me? Not us? I need to get to the airport so I’m going to go now.” Ben stood on his toes to kiss his cheek taking one last breath of the smell of Callum, it would likely be the last, before getting into the car. “Take care of yourself okay?” 

Rooted in spot all Callum could do was watch the man he loved, but who apparently thought Callum didn’t value him or really want him, drive away the sinking realization that he had caused it and had not paid enough attention to realize it. Not until it was too late. Nor knowing how to fix it.


	11. Chapter 11

“You’ll resent me for any ultimatum I give you which I won’t win anyway” ran on a loop through Callum’s head while watching Ben drive away. Away from him. He thought Callum would not pick Ben because of Whitney and he hadn’t even known it was an issue. How had he not known about it? Why hadn’t Ben said anything? It couldn’t be an issue, the idea of making a choice between Whitney his best friend, the person he talked to about everything or Ben the man he loved and made him whole made his head spin. 

He was missing something, he had to be. There had to be another explanation.

***********

Trying to keep up with Ben’s drinking last night had not been a good idea, it was never a good idea and today's exhaustion reminded Jay of that. Ben’s annoying ability to function perfectly well with a hangover drove him nuts, had since they were kids. Though the amount Ben lost his phone while drunk did make it kind of even. Maybe he should just close up and go home, there were no appointments in the book and what he really needed a nap, a long nap. Jay was preparing to do just that until Callum walked in bouncing the door off the wall. 

“Jesus Callum, what the hell?” Rubbing his head as his headache became louder, “you're gonna break the damn door.”

“What type of trouble is Ben in?” Callum asked clearly agitated, “he’s gone. He left me because he thinks he isn’t important to me but that’s not the real reason right? He’s in some kind of trouble and is protecting me? Me and Lexi. That’s it right?”

Just once couldn’t Ben tell him the plan so Jay could answer people’s questions properly? Really, is that too much to ask from his brother? To at least know what to say when people come demanding answers .

“He’s gone?” 

“Like 5 minutes ago. I thought we were going for lunch and than, than,’ Callum stuttering over the words “he told me he was going to Dublin, breaking up with me because he didn’t want us to resent each other over Whitney and left. That can’t be it right? He must be in some sort of trouble, trouble he wants to protect me from? Me and Lexie?” 

Jay could see the pleading in the other man’s eyes, for Jay to confirm what he believed and he wanted too as it would be so much easier.

“Ben isn’t in trouble, Callum” he spoke quietly. “I didn’t realize he would leave so immediately but it isn’t because he wants to protect you and Lexie; at least not the way you think. I know from breakfast this morning he had the opportunity to go and with everything between you two thought it might be a good idea. I told him to talk to you about it and not to rush into anything but, I guess, he thought this was best.”

Slumping down into the seat behind Callum replying quietly “So he really left because he doesn’t think I love him? That he isn’t important to me? That I won’t choose him? Do you believe that?”

“It doesn't really matter what I believe and this way you guys can stay friends when he gets back. You’ve only been together 9 months and everything moved so fast --”

“You agree with Ben” interrupted Callum.

“I think you and Ben want different things from a relationship. And maybe he’s just trying to make sure you guys can stay friends? Ben has a hard time opening up to people, trusting them and with everything between you and Whitney maybe friends is best. That way the expectations are more,” Jay searching to find the right word, “balanced?”

“I don’t want to be his friend,” Callum stood, “and he should be talking to me not just running away.”

“I don’t think he’s running away, more trying to make things eas--”

“He LEFT FOR DUBLIN WITHOUT TALKING TO ME. He dumped me out of the blue and never tried to give us a chance. How is that making it easier??” Callum yelling at Jay while looming over him before spinning on his heel to storm out of the office.

With a groan, Jay slumped back in his chair wishing Ben would actually tell him before he did stuff like this or at least tell him he was doing it today and not in the next few days. It would be so helpful when people came to yell at him about Ben. 

Jay really understood the urge to punch Ben Mitchell sometimes.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Ben, I really want to hug you.

Lola had been lucky enough to reschedule the couple of appointments she had today, which meant she could lay on the couch at home with her hangover until she had to meet Lexie after school. The greasy breakfast had helped but napping would really help. Just as she was beginning to drift off her phone rang with the annoying "Daddy calling" ringtone Lexi had set up going off. She loved her daughter but at that moment if her choice was napping or Lexi it would be a tight race.

"What Ben? I can sleep for 2 more hours before getting Lexie so, unless you are going to get her, I really want to sleep. Not talk to you."

"Sorry Lo, just umm," Ben pausing.

"Tell me or get off the phone so I can sleep Ben," hearing Ben's deep breathe before he started talking made Lola know she wouldn't like what came next.

"So I'm gonna go to Dublin for work, 3 weeks max. I know I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Lex but I have a plan --"

"Wait what?" Interrupting him, "I know you mentioned this this morning but why the sudden decision? And why aren't you saying goodbye to our daughter???"

Ben could be flakey sometimes but his love and devotion to Lexie ensured he never flaked on her. At least in the last 2 years.

"I broke up with Callum and," she could hear him drawing a deep breathe, "I think this is a good time to go make some money. Won't be more than 3 weeks and I thought you and Lexie could come for one weekend. We'd have a family vacation, just the 3 of us."

There was a pause before he continued, "He and I want different things and I don't want things to end badly. Lexi loves Callum and I want her to keep doing that. This isn't her fault." She could hear the pain in his voice, "Please Lo, I need to do this. I need some space and, please, make Lexe understand. I'm only going for a couple of weeks and I thought you two could come down in 2 weeks, just us. When was the last time it was just the 3 of us?'

The silence on the line said so much before Lola spoke "Okay, sounds good. Get a good Air BNB for two weeks from now, the two of us will fly up and family trip it is. Though you are paying for everything. Including my G&T." 

"Fair enough, I'll get us a nice BNB and it will be great fun. Lexie will love it." Lola could hear the grinning on his voice. She couldn't make him talk to Callum but she could give him this - peace with their little family. 

"Maybe a hotel, you know she wants to be a princess with room service and a pool. If you get a suite it will work."

"You're the best Lo. I'll call Lexie tonight and tell her."

"No problem," Ben hearing the smile on her voice, "and remember, us two, love you just as you are. And so do lots of people." Lola didn't say Callum but they both knew who she meant.

"I'll call ya tonight Lo. At the airport parking now and my flight's in 2 hours."

"Sounds good. Bye. Safe travels."

"See ya soon," he said before hanging up the phone, ending the conversation.

********

Sitting outside his gate it was all Ben could do to not scroll through his phone. To look at the pictures of him and Callum; him, Callum and Lexi or their texts. From the meaningless "I'm at lunch" to the "love ya's" that scattered through out the messages.

He took a deep breathe, okay so he had done the breaking up which meant Ben didn't get to mope over stuff. He would go to Dublin to earn some legit money for his kid, not hear from Callum while he was away which would confirm he made the right decision, and by the time he came back they would be able to friends. And if Ben had to watch him with Whitney or another guy he could deal with it as he had ended it early enough that the expectations weren't there.

But they are whispered the voice in his head. The one he ignored and didn't get a vote on being friends with Callum.

Who wouldn't want to be friends with Callum? He was insanely loyal to his friends, more than his boyfriend the voice whispered, please shut up no one asked the other voice in his head said. And if Ben hadn't been brave enough to ask, the first voice asked, what than? Maybe he should have. 

No, no he shouldn't have. That conversation had been occurring in his head for the last 6 months - he would ask Callum to put him first and Callum would choose Whitney as she was his best friend. Leaving Ben alone. Again. Sometimes it was best to take what you can get and end it when you should. The two of them could and would be great friends. Maybe one day go out together, he'd help Callum find -- he stopped as he could tell himself all sorts of things but the prospect of helping Callum find a hook up and be happy about it was NOT one of them. Even Ben knew that.

As the flight attendant announced boarding, Ben got up with a deep breathe. He could do this. He would go to Dublin to work, move on from Callum and by the time he came back to the Square they would be friends and everything would be fine.

And if both the voices in his head said he was crazy, well, who the hell asked anyways??


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad people are enjoying this story!! There is a HEA coming and some smut but they gotta earn it still.

“Why is Halfwit drinking in the middle of the day?” Shirley asked Mick, watching Callum drown his second beer at a far table in the corner. “Shouldn’t he be at work?”

“Ben left him. Guess he left the Square for Dublin for a couple of weeks.I need to go talk to him, watch the bar?” asking as he poured two beers to take ok very to the table. 

“Want to tell me what happened?” Mick sat down across from Callum putting the beers on the table, “cause you ain’t usually a day drinker.” 

“Ben dumped me and left. That about sums it up.” Finishing the beer in front of him before grabbing the one Mick had put down. “He says he’s not important to me, that Whitney is more important and that we are going to resent each because of it. So he ended it so we could stay friends. And that he would pay for his part of the rent til I found a new roommate. Pl” 

Sipping his beer for time to decide what to say, the best words for something Callum wouldn't like. Mick may not be impressed with how Ben did what he did but he couldn't say he didn't understand it.

"And I didn't know what to say, how to stop him," Callum continuing before Mick could speak, the hurt and confusion clear on his face. "I didn't know that Ben even had an issue with my relationship with Whitney. He never said anything. I mean, did you know? And it all happened so quick and he was gone. Gone. To Dublin, I don't know for how long or even where he's staying. What am I going to do Mick?"

"I'm sorry Callum. That sucks but maybe it is for the best?" Mick choosing his words carefully, "you two got together so quickly and, maybe, you just need some space. Figure out what you each want--"

"How can you say that?" Callum's voice breaking, " I love him. I have a life with him and I don't understand why he did any of this. Why would he do this to me? To us?"

Strolling over to the table with more beers Shirley, clearly on a mission to listen in, spoke "Maybe cause you are dating Whitney not Ben?"

"Mother," Mick groaned, "please go away."

"What? Whitney and I are just friends. Nothing else. Why do people think that?" Callum's look of confusion made Mick want to laugh out loud, only Callum could be this blind to something so obvious to the rest of the world. 

"Could be cause you spend more time with her than your actual boyfriend? I figured you were changing teams again, always an option right? Maybe you missed the boobs? Maybe Ben doesn't have the magical penis he's always bragging about. Either way I win the pool as to who would dumbed who," with that she sashayed away from the table Callum staring after her, his mouth hanging open. Mick not sure whether to cheer or smack his mum, leave it to Shirley to get straight, so to speak, to the point.

"Is that people think? That I want to be with Whitney?". A look of shock on Callum's face as though it was impossible.

"Callum you spend a LOT of time with Whit. A lot of time. A lot more time than you spend with your boyfriend. I don't think you realize how it looks --"

"I live with Ben," Callum interrupting.

"Yeah but you wouldn't be the first person to live with someone while sleeping with someone else."

Silence descended between them, Callum's brain clearly working through the information. Like it hadn't even occurred to him before. 

"So you think Ben believes that? That I'm cheating on him with Whit," asking in a whisper. "That that's why he left me?"

"I think you need to decide what and who you want. If you want Ben or Whitney or someone who is happy being second to Whitney. And only you know the answer to that."

"I'm gay. I don't want to be in a relationship with Whit--"

"Ya sure, halfwit? Cause you two seem also close," said Shirley as she walked by.

"Holy Christ, go away Mum," Mick reminding himself that matricide was illegal, "ya ain't helping."

"Well someone's gotta ask," Shirley slowly walking away.

"Gay Shirley, I'm gay," Callum yelling after her before looking Mick in the eyes, "I am very very gay. I don't want Whitney like that, I just want to be friends."

"Okay, great, but than you need to figure out if she's the most important person in your life or if Ben is. You can't have it both ways, you have to pick."

"I don't want to pick."

"Than you have to accept that Ben's decision, while handled badly, was the right one cause you will end up hating each otherwise. He did the grown up thing. Ya gotta decide Callum," Mick finished his beer and got up, "it is the only fair thing to do for everyone including Whitney cause if she's thinking this could be more it is understandable."

Callum stared at Mick's back as he walked away, not sure where to go from here. The realization that this situation was entirely his fault slowly dawning on him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whitney isn't the bad guy in this situation, none of this is her fault.

Walking into the Vic after work Whitney couldn't wait for a drink. It had been a long day at the stall and she needed to relax. A big glass of wine or maybe --

"Sorry Whit, you're banned," Mick suddenly appearing before her.

"I'm what? What the hell" her voice trailed off as she saw Callum sitting in the corner, clearly upset and nursing his beer. "Look, Mick, I ain't got time for this, I need to see what's wrong with Callum. If Ben did something I'm going to kill him."

"Ben broke up with him. Over you. Earlier today, he's left for Dublin for the next couple of weeks."

"What? God, I need to talk to Callum," attempting to push by Mick until Linda came up behind him to block her.

"You gotta go Whitney. Callum needs to figure this out for himself and having you in his ear that won't help.". Linda smiled at her, "But I called E20 and Sharon's got a table for you all ready. Said the first drink's on the house."

"But, I Callum, I can't leave him," Whitney falling over the words as both maneuvered her to the door and out of the Vic.

"Sorry Whit," Linda sadly smiling at her, "come back in two days. Ban will lifted. Just not tonight."

Before she could reply, the door to the Vic closed in her face and Whitney stood on the outside looking in, not sure what had happened.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk texting is never a good idea

6pm. 

6pm and he didn't even know if Ben had arrived safely in Dublin. 

6pm and he was still trying to figure out how he had screwed his life up this bad. 

6pm and he needed another drink as the beer in front of him sat empty. 

6pm and Callum was no where near as drunk as he wanted despite Ben's past teasing that he was a light weight. 

Just as he was about to wave at Shirley for another, she appeared and put a beer down in front of him.

"Thanks Shirley."

"No problem but if you start throwing up you gotta clean it up regardless of how drunk ya are."

"I'm not that drunk"

"Ya will be," she said before grabbing the empty glass and walking away. 

Fair enough, Callum thought opening his phone, probably what he deserved, staring at the picture of Ben that was his screen saver. Ben smiling at him with love in his eyes while raising a beer and a smile that could get a saint into trouble. The picture summed up Ben to a T in Callum's head. A little trouble, a lot of love and with a glass of beer. 

6:04 pm Text to Ben - Did you arrive safe? Are you in Dublin? Can we talk? Please, I need to talk to you.

Dropping his phone on the table Callum took a long drink of his beer. Shots, shots would help. Leaving his phone on the table he walked over to the bar to order some, which Linda didn't even charge him for. Two Jack Daniels, which Ben had introduced him to, downing them at the bar before stumbling back to his corner table.

Grabbing his phone he could see the check mark that showed Ben had read his message. Not replied to but had read. 

6:15 pm Text to Ben - I just had some JD just like you showed me. Have I told you how much I like JD's now? 

The check mark showed up beside the text.

6:22 pm Text to Ben - Linda didn't charge me for them, think how drunk we could get together if you were here. And for free!!

It took longer this time, at least 15 minutes, but a check mark appeared.

6:40 pm Text to Ben - The Vic is packed tonight, Shirley is behind the bar and saying very Shirley things. You would love it. You are the only one who can keep up with her insults 

6:42 Text to Ben - I love watching you when the two of you get going, so much fun. I love watching you do pretty much everything

It took almost 45 minutes til the check mark appeared after that, Callum being on his next beer when it did.

7:26 pm Text to Ben - I know u reading these. Pls, tell me you okay

7:38 pm Text from Ben - I landed, staying at Matt's for a couple nights. We'll talk when I get back

Callum stared at the message - this was what Ben meant by a fuck off text. He clearly was telling Callum to fuck off and it hurt. Was this how Ben felt last night? Like he wasn't wanted? 

Maybe he deserved to feel this way. 

7:51 pm Text to Ben - More shots! Under the picture of the 2 more JD's Shirley had poured him 

7:55 pm - Text to Ben - so many shots with me. You like drunk Callum

8 pm Text to Ben - Maybe 2 mnay shots

8:03 pm Text to Ben - No checkmark you ignoring me?

8:06 pm Text to Ben - stop ignore me

8:09 pm Text to Ben - Come back

8:10 pm Text to Ben - Pay attention to me

8:12 pm Text to Ben - I miss you

8:28 pm Text to Ben - Ib sorry. Jsust want you 

Before he could write more his phone was grabbed out of his hand

"Oi" looking up at the person now holding it.

"Nope no more drunk texting," Stuart shoving the phone in his back pocket. "Think you are done for the night lightweight". 

"Stuart!! You should be drinking with me!!" Callum smiling at his older brother, "did you hear Ben dumped me? You can start punching him again!!"

"As much as I look forward to that, let's take you home first," Stuart trying to get his brother out of his chair.

"Can't go home, no Ben there."

"So come stay with me, I'll feed you."

"Will there be more booze?" Callum looking at him suspiciously. "I'm gonna need more booze." 

Stuart slowly got him out of his seat, grabbing Callum's coat, "I always have booze. C'mon we'll order some pizza and you can tell me all about why I can start punching Ben again.'

Walking out of the Vic, with Callum babbling about being dumped, Stuart sent a grateful look to Linda and Mick while mouthing "thanks"

You could say a lot of bad things about Stuart but his love of Callum was not one of them.


	16. Chapter 16

7:58 pm - You have to go get Callum he's drunk at the Vic

8pm - Text from Stuart - You take his drunk ass home, I'm watching Die Hard

8:06 pm - I can't, not there

8:07 pm Text from Stuart- Where the fuck are you??

8:10 pm - In Dublin for work, go get him

8:12 pm Text from Stuart - KK

8:37 pm Text from Stuart - He's passed out on my couch, I got it. Said ya dumped him so I can start punching you again

8:39 pm Text from Stuart - Can’t wait

8:40 pm - Thanks and fuck you

Ben put his phone down with a sigh, at least he knew Callum was safe. 

And if Stuart could start punching him again he could start punching Stuart again. Only fair as he didn't have to keep Callum happy any more


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So if you read Chapter 16 BEFORE October 20 you will have to go back and read it again. After thinking about it I couldn't come up with a logical reason of why Ben and Stuart would have a conversation about Callum and WHitney and if they did have that conversation no logical reason that Stuart wouldn't go talk to his brother immediately. 
> 
> The chapter still gets to the same place in the end but in a way that feels more true to the characters. Hope you like it.

Stuart woke up to Callum throwing up at about 1am, getting out of bed to go check on his younger brother who could not hold his liquor. 

“You okay, bruv?” he asked through the door, louder than the heaving on the other side, waiting for an answer. A few moments later he heard Callum get up, toilet flush, water running before the door opened to Callum leaning on the wall.

“I threw up everything. And I want to die” Callum groaned before getting back on his knees in front of the toilet, getting back up when nothing came up. 

“C’mon, I left you on the couch cause you passed out there but now you can go to your old room,” he slowly walked to the room while Stuart went to the kitchen to get a big glass of water and a bucket, just in case, to take into the bedroom. Callum just getting under the covers after taking off his clothes when he walked in. 

“Did I tell ya Ben dumped me?” He said drowsily, “doesn’t think I’m want him. Thinks I want to be with Whitney.”

“Yeah, we’ll talk about it in the morning,” putting the water on the night stand and bucket on the floor. “Go to sleep.”

“Do ya think he don’t love me anymore? Cause I love him. . .” Callum fading off to sleep with Stuart quietly leaving the room. Tomorrow would not be a good day for his brother or his head. 

On the upside he could start punching Ben Mitchell again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, if you have read any of my other stuff I do like to get explicit. This will definitely get there eventually so you've been warned

Ben’s head fell back against the wall of the shower, the moan long and low out of his throat. 

“Don’t stop,” the water beating down the back of the taller man kneeling before him, “God it feels amazing.” As the mouth hummed around his cock, one hand holding the base of Ben’s hard cock while the other held him firmly against the wall. The tongue on the underneath part of his shaft before drawing him fully into his mouth, Ben balancing his hands on solid shoulders to stay upright. 

“I’m going to cum soon,” Ben moaned, “Callum, God, feels so good. I”m going to shoot down your mou--”

“DADDY answer the phone, DADDY answer the phone”

Lexi’s loud echoing voice woke him with a start, confusion as to where he was, why he wasn’t in the shower with Callum on his knees giving him an amazing blow job, skill Callum practiced hard at and Ben had encouraged, but where the hell was the Lexi’s voice coming from? Looking around the room, the memory coming to Dublin and the day before came back and Lexie’s voice was the dumb ringtone he had allowed her to record for his phone. 

Reaching for the phone, Ben took a deep breath before answering, “Hey Princess, what’s up?”

“Hi Daddy!! Do you miss me?” 

“Of course, I miss you. But I’ll get to see you and Mommy are going to come visit me in two weeks like we discussed last night, stay in a hotel and have a great family vacation. Are you getting ready for school,” looking at the time, 7:30am, so Lo should be taking her to school soon.

“Yup but Mommy said I could talk to you before I left if i got ready fast enough,” she said between bites of food Ben could hear her eating. “Is Callum at home? I finished Book 3 of How to Train Your Dragon series last night and the next one is at your place, I need to get it after school today?”

“I don’t know if Callum is there, baby, but I’m sure if you ask Mommy she’ll go get it for --”

“She said you would organize it, that you were a grown up and could do it yourself. So when can I go get it?” 

“Is that what Mommy said?” 

“Yes, so when can I go over, can I just call Callum? Or will you call him right away? Or can I just take the key and go after school? C’mon Daddy, I want my book,” and just like that Ben knew he was screwed. He would have to contact Callum. Fuck. “Listen baby, go to school and let me talk to Mom okay? I’ll call you tonight and we’ll figure something out for your book.” 

“Okay, love you Daddy.”

“Love you too” he could hear her giving the phone to Lo.

“Morning Ben, make it quick I have to get her to school” Lo said.

“Can you call Callum and ask for the book”

“Nope.”

“C’mon Lola, it’ll be easier cause you are there and --”

“Ben,” she interrupted, “I get why you needed to do what you did, I had no issue explaining to Lexie for you but I’m not going to be your messenger to Callum. Put on your big boy pants and organize your daughter getting her book from your shared apartment with your boyfriend.”

“Not my boyfriend anymore, Lola,” Ben put on his best pleading voice, “please.”

“No, talk to Callum yourself - about the book, your relationship and issues. And don’t bring Jay into it, I’ve already told him not to be the go between!!” And the phone clicked in his ear. 

“ARGH”, throwing the phone down on the bed. He didn't want to talk to Callum about anything, least of all about his daughter who Callum adored and would do anything for. Plus it would likely lead to more unpleasant conversation and Ben wanted, well he wanted Callum, but realistically he didn’t want to be talking to him the day after dumping Callum.

And that dream, God, that dream. Could feel Callum’s mouth around his hard cock, sucking and licking while Ben -- “Damnit, stop. You made the right decision, get your ass in the shower and go help Matt,” pushing himself off the bed to do exactly that. 

********

Ben and Matt knocked off after lunch to go have drinks at a local pub, Ben staring at his phone while Matt went to the bathroom before getting them another pint debating what to do. He definitely would not be calling Callum so texting it would be to get this organized. It would be so much easier if he was more like Phil and just didn’t care enough to do anything for his kids. But he refused to ever be that Dad, he is a good loving Dad. A Dad who will call his ex-boyfriend so his daughter could get her book. With a deep breathe, and a big drink of his beer, opening the phone to start messaging Callum.

1:20 pm - Hey, Lexi wants to get a book from the apartment when would be a good time for her to come over

1:25 pm - Text from Callum - Of course, not working today so whenever she wants. 

1:28 pm - Thanks, Lola will bring her over after school 3:30ish

1:29 pm - Text from Callum - Okay, I’ll be here

Matt grinned as he sat down with the waitress coming up and putting a tray with two beers and two shots. “Let’s get it on mate,” both downing the shots as Ben’s phone started vibrating again.

1:40 pm - Text from Callum - How is Dublin?

“Boyfriend?”

“Ex-boyfriend,’ Ben muttered turning the phone back over.

“Cause you dumped him yesterday, so . . . Going to text him back?”

1:42 pm - Text from Callum - Very very hungover today, thanks for texting Stuart to come get me

“Probably better not too, makes things complicated. C’mon let’s do another shot” hitting the silent button on his phone despite the itch to text or call Callum back. The voice in his head saying he was being a chicken and Callum deserves better. Maybe tequila would drown it out.


	19. Chapter 19

Oh god, he was never drinking again. Never ever again. 

Reaching across the bed for Ben, to bury his head in his boyfriend's neck and go back to sleep, before remembering why he was so hung over. And why Ben wasn’t there. Right, Ben dumped him. No morning cuddle to feel better with. Also why he was sleeping in his old room at Stuart’s and not in their bed. In their apartment. Rolling over to bury his head in the pillow, that did not smell like Ben, groaning into it the from the light coming in through the window. What time was it? Shouldn’t he be at work?

Too hungover to work today, where the hell was his phone so he could text Jay. Forcing himself out of bed, he went looking for that and Stuart; get him to take them for breakfast as Stuart couldn’t cook and Callum certainly wasn’t.

“Hey bruv, you’re up,” Stuart grinning as he walked into the kitchen, “wanta cupper?”

“God yes” taking the steaming cup and a deep drink. “How did I wind up here? Last I remember is being a the Vic doing shoots. Did I call you?”

“Umm, no. Ben texted, wanted me to go get you so I did. You were pretty tanked when I got there so I brought you here. Told me all about what happened yesterday.”

“He texted you?”

“Yeah, listen, let’s go to the Caff and you can tell me all about it. Though I’m excited to start punchin’ Mitchell again.”

**********

Waiting for Eggs and bacon, hoping they would make him feel human again, Callum scrolling through his text message, the drunken ones he had sent Ben and the ones he didn’t remember getting from Whit. He read what he had sent Ben's and the lack of response before going to Whitney's.

6:05 pm - Text from Whit - Hey you okay?

6:30 pm - Text from Whit - I'm at the Albert, come over and we'll talk

6:42 pm - Text from Whit - Callum?

8 pm - Text from Whit - I'm worried text me back

9 pm - Text from Whit - I called Stuart, said you at his place passed out. Call me tomorrow

On one hand Callum wanted to call Whitney, to talk to her about all this but all he could hear was Ben saying "I won't win" and "you thought of her not me." And he couldn't call Whit because what if Ben was right? And the belief that he had caused all this damage by his actions was becoming harder to ignore.

And that he would have to fix it harder to ignore.

8:32 am - Very hungover, will call you tomorrow. Breakfast with Stuart than going home to sleep.

The food arrived and both dug in, almost finishing before his phone vibrated on the table. 

9 am - Text from Whit - KK, call me if you need anything. 

"Gonna tell me what happened" Stuart asking around his toast, "cause I want to start punchin' Mitchell again asap."

"He's in Dublin cause he dumped me last night and wanted distance," Callum drank some coffee, "and you can't start punching Ben again."

"So he thinks you want Whitney not him?"

"He thinks I can't do anything without Whitney, that I won't put him first and he didn't want us to wind up hating each other. This way we can be friends, or so he says. I don't see how that is going to happen."

After a few moments of silence, Stuart spoke "So this means Whitney is going to be your person and I can start punching Mitchell's. Excellent."

"Stuart, for fucks sake, no punching Ben and Whitney is not my person. Ben is and you are supposed to say he is wrong, that I don't have to choose and he is being unreasonable."

"Oh he's not. I'm surprised you've lasted this long, Figured you and Whit were going be the Will and Grace of the Square which I'm all for. I want you to date some of the guys Will does and I see myself as your Karen cause she's so funny."

Callum's mouth hung open staring at Stuart spoke in amazement as he spoke. What was happening? 

"You agree with Ben??"

"How did you not know this?? You spend all your time with Whit, you guys are inseparable, everyone knows that, Ben's sex and she's everything else. Ben did the right thing, you know that."

"I do?"

"You guys can still be friends and no one's feelings get hurt," Stuart speaking after a large drink of his coffee. "Works well. What are you going to do with the apartment?"


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lola kicks ass

"Yeah, no problem mate. I'll take care of it," Lola walking in to the funeral parlor just before 3pm to hear Jay on the phone, him clearly pausing as the person on the other end spoke. "He didn't come in today, said he was taking the day. Probably too hungover. And with yesterday seemed only fair."

Ben, clearly he was talking to Ben. But not going to do Ben's dirty work if Lola had anything to say about it and she did. If he ever wanted to get laid again and not also find himself dumped. Jay smiled at her as she sat down holding up a finger and mouthing "Ben"

"Look I'll talk to him, see what I can organize," to pause "fairly drunk from what I heard. Which are you sort of sound like -"

Before Jay could finish the sentnce Lola was up and taking the phone from him. 

"Ben I told you this morning Jay and I are NOT going to be the go between for you and Callum. If you want something you can organize it," Jay's mouth hanging open while staring at his girlfriend, "I got your text and I'm taking Lexie over after school to get her book but that's it. You are going to be a grown up and deal with this yourself."

More silence from Lola as Jay could clearly hear him say "C'mon Lo, just --'

"No, that's final. And if you try to get Jay to help you behind my back I'll find out and you'll both be dickless." With a glare at Jay she slammed the phone down before pointing at Jay "if you ever wish to have sex or anything from me again you will not help Ben with any of this especially moving his stuff out. Ben is a big boy and he can deal with his own crap as we both did our part"

"But Lola, he's my brother," Jay pleading.

"Yeah, ain't going to have sex with him are ya? You'll be back to sleeping in the room with the caskets. Agreed?" with a glare at Jay when he didn't reply, "Jay I want your word." 

"Fine," with a sigh, "I won't be the inbetween, I swear."

"Thank you," coming around the desk to give him a deep kiss leaving them both breathless when they came up after a few minutes, "now we are going to get Lexi, get her book from their apartment and go home. And you'll get even more of a reward tonight."

With a grin she got off his lap, Jay grabbing the offered hand before speaking with a grin, "You are way scarier than any of the Mitchells ya know'

"And don't you forget it."


	21. Chapter 21

The emptiness of the apartment echoes around Callum. No Ben stomping around, wanting to know where stuff in the kitchen was. No Lexie and Ben arguing over who got the remote or Ben complaining about watching British Bake Off but yelling at anyone who talked during the judging. The apartment emptiness echoing his future without Ben. 

Lexie's visit to get her book had lite up the apartment briefly, her constant chatter about her day, her book and smile lit him up until she mentioned going to see her Dad in two weeks and asking when Callum would be going to visit draining that happiness. Knowing he wouldn't get to see Ben and only, if he was lucky, hear about it second hand.

He had asked Lola how Ben was but her only response being "You should call him, please Callum"

To which he replied "I don't think he wants to hear from me."

Replying with a stern look, "Remember Ben doesn't run this relationship. Don't give up unless you want too." Before both gave him a hug and left causing the emptiness returning.

He lay on the couch, looking at his watch to see it was 5:30 pm, with pizza and beer on the table and nothing to drown out Ben's voice repeating "I won't win" and "you didn't come home to me."

How he had thought staying at Whitney's after a fight was good idea now seemed beyond him. A part of him was so angry at Ben for not talking to him but in reality he couldn't be. Especially as the voice said "he tried and you shut him down."

Callum had forgotten about it until today but about 2 months ago, soon after getting the flat, Ben had asked if they could talk about Whitney. About his relationship with her and Callum could still hear his response,

"She's my best friend Ben, that isn't changing. What's there to talk about?"

And Ben had looked back to the TV, the conversation ended and he couldn't remember what they discussed next or if anything. 

"What about the Harry Potter books?" The voice in his head whispered, "you didn't even try there."

The memory of them watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on a lazy TV afternoon and Ben telling him about his love of Harry Potter, how important the books were to him and how he couldn't wait to pass that down to Lexie. The books that turned Ben into a secret bookworm.

How he had discovered them at age 11 after coming back to live with Phil and could relate to the boy living under the stairs, not wanted by anyone. How he had devoured them but hid the books from Phil so he couldn't catch him and have another reason to dislike Ben. 

And had Callum ever read them? He hadn't causing Ben to give him a big smile, we should change that. Within the next week an excited Ben had come home with the entire series as a gift for Callum, saying how they can read them together and watching the movies as they go along.

The next memory was 2 or 3 weeks later, coming home saying Whitney had given him Pet Sematary to read before they saw the movie in the next month or so. All Ben had asked was "When are we gonna do the Harry Potter marathon?"

And Callum replying "of course, after I finish this. I promise.". But after it had not come up, by either or them, and he couldn't remember seeing the books anywhere since or Ben mentioning them even though Callum had seen him reading them. Ben's belief that Whitney was more important purely due to Callum's action made sense. The weight of how this was all his fault that took his breath away. Understanding dawning as to why Ben had done what he done. 

Getting off the couch, Callum began to search for the books. Ben had clearly removed them from the shelf by the TV where they had sat waiting to be read. After a 15 minute search he found them buried at the back of their closet, obviously there to be forgotten about.

How had he been this blind? How could he hurt someone he loved so much this much? Sitting on their bed he tore the wrapping off so he could pull out the first book - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. He may be too late but he could prove this was important to him because it was important to Ben as he should have done from the start. It may not fix things but he wanted to do this. For no other reason than it was important to Ben and he loved Ben so it was important to him. 

Opening the book he began to read about the boy under the stairs.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments, I'm so happy people are enjoying the story!! I'm loving writing it. 
> 
> This chapter took a couple of re-writes as I didn't want the boys to be further apart but a step towards each other, I think this gets there, well I hope it does. Harry Potter can do amazing things beside being the Boy Who Lived.

"What?" Ben yelling into his phone without actually looking at who was calling, he had been working flat out since 8 am on crappy cars to be used for reasons he didn’t ask about, and now at 2pm Ben’s back hurt, he was hungry for more than the bacon butty he grabbed at 11ish and his head pounding due to the hangover that refused to go completely away. Ben’s limited ability to be polite has completely left him and he had no energy to fake it. 

"I think we are both Gryffindors." Callum's voice in his ear, automatically making him feel a little better before pushing it away forcefully. "You'd like to think you're a Slytherin but you aren't. And even if you are - a Gryffindor and Slytherin being together could help everyone."

"What?? I don't -- what??" Confusion washing over him as Callum continued speaking. 

“And do you really think Dumbledore saw socks in the Mirror of Erised? What would you see? I would see you, Lexi and Indian food cause it shows you what's in your heart, right? That’s what's in my heart so what would you see in the mirror?” Callum pausing long enough for him to finally get a word in.

“Callum why are you talking about Harry Potter? You've never shown the least bit of interest," confusion clear in his voice, "are you smoking some bad crack?”

“What? No, I'm not smoking bad crack, do you know how annoying that question is? Stop asking it! I read Philosopher’s Stone last night, well finished it this morning at work, and I want to talk about it. I brought Chamber of Secrets with me to start, I’m going to make Jay do paperwork so I can read. So do you really believe Dumbledore saw socks?”

Ben took a deep breath, if it wasn’t for the fact that he had cut himself earlier on a car he would think this was a dream. Callum reading and loving Harry Potter, wanting to geek out about it with him and talk what houses they should be in. Watch the movies together. Maybe talk about planning a trip to Universal Studios in California to see Wizarding World with Lexi. All things Ben had given up on after seeing Callum's lack of interest in the book set especially after he immediately started reading Pet Sematary at Whitney's suggestion before they saw the movie, without Ben of course,. So the books had gone from place of pride on the shelf by the TV to the back of the closet so he could pretend it wasn't important. Not at all to see if Callum would ask or remember; which he didn't.

Right, reality check. 

“Callum, why are we having this conversation? I need to get back to work.”

“Umm. well I know how much you love Harry Potter so I want to show you it is important to me because YOU are important to me. What you love is important to me. And before you ask, Whitney --” 

“Suggested it so you did it. I know. Look I'm glad you are enjoying them but I”m not sure what this has to do with me? Whitney suggests something so you do it. I know how this goes,” the anger in his voice unmissable.

“Whitney didn’t suggest it, I haven’t seen her since you left 3 days ago and, please Ben, just listen to me --” 

“Well that's a new development, congratulations?" 

"I'm reading them because of you. For you. For us. Just talk to me --" the pleading in Callum's voice twisting around Ben's heart, trying to squeeze out any hope that remained. 

"Listen, I need to get back to work, enjoy the books. They are amazing,” Ben hung up the phone with a sigh and hit ignore when it began to ring again, Callum's name and picture flashing on the screen. Too little to late, Ben thought going back to work on the crappy car, even if it appeared to be something he was doing for Ben. That didn't matter. 

That Callum did it without Whitney telling him too, didn't matter. Nor did the fact that he could totally see Ben saying he was a Slytherin but secretly wanting to be a Gryiffindor. Or that he would see Ben and Lexi in the Mirror of Erised with Indian food didn't matter. And none of it made Ben's heart do flip flops nor did it put a stupid smile on his face. Nor did he want to answer the phone and tell Callum how when he imagined looking into the Mirror of Erised he saw Callum and Lexi, but definitely not Indian food.

Nope none of that mattered to Ben at all.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Chekov says " 'If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there.' 
> 
> I don't bring up people or things without a reason. 
> 
> Also, I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this!! I love all the kudos and comments, I'm off on vacation for the next 2 week so there will lots of updates til the Boys end up at their HEA.

"Our Johnny loves those books," Linda said while putting Callum's beer down "read them all dozens of time."

Looking up from Chamber of Secrets, where the Weasley's had just helped Harry escape from his uncle's house, Callum replied, "Really? This is the first time for me but so far it is really good."

Linda sat down with a smile, having time to chat due to the slowness of a Wednesday night, "He sent Ollie the illustrated ones which I've been reading to him and he enjoys it so we have another Potterhead in our midst which makes Johnny insanely happy."

“What is a Potterhead?

“A Potterhead is someone who is a massive Harry Potter fan. Johnny is one for sure.”

“I think Ben is one too,” Callum took a drink of his beer as he spoke, "he really loves them too, he got me the box set ages ago but I didn't bother with it. Guess just something else I didn't pay attention too." 

Reaching across the table, Linda's hand covering his, "Maybe but you are now and sometimes late is better than never. Have you talked to Ben?"

"Yeah for maybe five minutes before he ended the conversation."

"Well sometimes you gotta keep trying, sort of like how Harry never gave up on the Horcruxes."

"The what?"

"Never mind, keep reading, it’ll eventually make sense. I forgot how much Ben loves these books, he and Johnny used to talk about them all the time,” a fond smile coming over Linda’s face, “I remember once they went to an all day Harry Potter movie marathon and came back wanting Butter Beer so they melted butter and poured it into their beers. It was frankly the most disgusting beer ever and Mick was furious at them for wasting beer as they kept hoping the next one would taste better. It is lucky Mick loves Johnny with the amount of beer they wasted. The entire thing was ridiculous.”

“That sounds like Ben,” Callum smiling at the image of it all, “I didn’t know Ben and Johnny were that good of friends.”

“Well there was a little while when I thought they might -- never mind, friends yes,” Linda suddenly looking uncomfortable and away from Callum back to the bar, “Right, well, either way they are friends. Gotta get back to the bar” 

Watching LInda scamper back to the bar wondering what he had missed, Ben had told him he was friends with Johnny so why would Linda think they might be anything? Plus Ben would have told him if they might have been something else. Right? 

“Hey Callum, how’s the reading going?’ Lola came up to the table and sat down before he could finish thinking about it. "Ben started reading those go Lexi when she was 6, determined she would love them as much as him. Also why he buys her every book she ever asks for - got her Daddy wrapped around her finger she does."

For the next while, the two sat talking about non-Ben things before Callum brought it up, clearly looking for her input, telling her about Ben buying the books, how he had not really paid attention and finding them at the back of the closet last night. And the short and frustrating conversation with Ben this afternoon and not knowing what to do now. 

“So any suggestions? Maybe I should just leave him alone? Hope we can talk when he gets back?’ 

"I don't really want to be in the middle of this Callum. I already told Jay and Ben that, so I'm not sure . . ." Her voice trailing off.

"I don't want you to be the inbetween," a bit of a lie because he wanted Jay and Lola on his side telling Ben he made a mistake, "I just need some direction."

Lola's resolved lessened with the pleading look on Callum's face.

"Fine, but you can't tell Jay and I'm not getting involved again. You're both grown ups who need to talk to each other, well sorta grown ups. You can fake being grown ups. You're grown up enough to buy the next round."


	24. Chapter 24

Mick brought their drinks over with a smile, "Figured out yer House yet? Our Johnny says he's a Ravenclaw and Ollie isn't old enough to know yet."

"I dunno yet, only on the second book but either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff I think" 

“Hufflepuff dating a Slytherin, that’s a scandal if I ever heard of one,” Mick laughing before leaving the table to let Callum and Lola drink before Callum asked "well?"

"Okay, okay, this would be much easier to refuse if you didn't have the sad puppy eyes down so well. My advice is this - don't give up. Ben has spent his entire life with people giving up on or leaving him, to the point that he now expects that people won't love him enough to stay and he can't make them."

"I know that, I've seen how Phil is with him, how they fight and how he favours Louise but I love him. I didn't mean to hurt him." At Callum's sad look, Lola knew this next part would be painful.

"Callum, you have to see this from Ben's perspective, you didn't end the relationship with Whitney. She did, at the altar, you were ready to go through with it regardless of what you really wanted. You spent months working at being friends with Whitney again, when the whole Leo thing went down you were the one to comfort her and help her get on her feet again. You guys have a night every week where it is just the two of you watching TV, eating and hanging out. One you never invited Ben to be a part of. You help her on the weekends with her stall at the market. That is more than just friends."

"I just want to be a good friend, I don't want her to be hurt because of my actions," Callum muttered. "And I know now that I wasn't treating them equally but why couldn't we just talk about it? This is something I can fix."

"Have you ever heard the saying 'if someone shows you who they are believe them'? Or something like that. In the last 5 months you've shown Ben, me, Jay and most of the Square who you are. A good guy who can't let his ex go and probably doesn't want to. And that isn't fair to Ben, he isn't holding onto his ex."

"You mean Paul. The great love of Ben's life." 

She took another drink before continuing, "I'm not sure how much Ben told you about Paul and their relationship but I don't believe in one great love to be clear."

"Sure, whatever," he mumbled into his beer dread building in his stomach. A part of him wanting to say that he his love of Ben was just as valid as Paul’s, that it wasn't a competition. 

Too bad you didn’t make Ben feel like that, the voice in his head said. You made him feel second best, only fair you experience it back. 

"Until you Paul was the only time I'd ever seen Ben love with complete faith, it took them a long time, a lot of drama fake pregnancy and all, to get there but when they did Ben was fully in and it nearly destroyed him when Paul was killed. If Paul was still alive they would probably still be together because when Ben loves he loves fiercely and forever. I didn't believe he'd ever be like that again til you came along and lit him up like a month of Sundays."

"He does that for me too. And thanks for telling me I'm not Paul"

"This isn't you vs Paul, you know that and I know Ben never remotely made you feel that way so don't even start that with me. This is making you understand how you made Ben feel, like it was him vs Whitney because you couldn’t make a choice. You can't blame Ben if he doesn't want to be a part of that anymore."

Silence descended on the table as both drank, Lola pretending to not see the tears in Callum's eyes.

"So this is what you and he really think? That I really want Whitney, that I don't really love Ben and it would be better if Paul was here? That he would love Ben better?" His voice cracking over the last sentence.

"Oh Callum, no,' Lola wishing she was better at tactic before continuing, "I know you love Ben, want him happy and try to make him happy but you need to make a decision. Either he’s the one you want to make happy or Whitney is but only you know that. This isn’t a competition with Paul over who makes Ben happier, Paul would be happy as long as Ben is happy.”

"Why are you guys talking about Paul?" Jay's voice coming from behind them, "You said we couldn't get involved. You threatened to make me dickless if I did. Talking about Paul is SO getting involved."

With a groan, Lola put her head in her hands, "Why didn't you say he was standing behind us??"

Jay sat down to announce "Neither of ya saw me so involved in your conversation about things you told me to not talk about. If you get an opinion I get an opinion. Seems only fair."

"I hate you both" Lola said with a glare before stomping off to get another drink. The two men sat in silence before Callum spoke.

"You gonna tell me that Ben would be better with Paul?"

"No and I know that isn't what Lo meant," Jay said as looking over his beer. "You're just mad cause she's right about how you treated Ben. But you can never tell her I said that as I'll never hear the end of it."

"Paul apparently loved him better than me," Callum said bitterly. "Never made him feel second best like I do. I didn't mean to do that, I want to fix it but I don't know how."

"God you are pathetic," Shirley said loudly arriving at the table to gather the empty glasses. "If you want Ben bloody well act like it. If you want Whitney with a twink on the side than do that but stop whining. You're a grown ass man so act like it. Paul ain't got nothing to do with this."

Both stared at Shirley's back in shock as she walked away; Jay with a grin while Callum's jaw hanging open.

"What she said," Jay finally said before drinking his beer. "If you really want Ben you can't give up on him. He'll make it hard for ya, piss you off but he's worth it. And if you let him run you off, you ain't the man I thought you were. And you don't deserve Ben."


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were a couple questions about whether Callum is bisexual in this but no, he is not. He's very very gay (as he told Shirley and Mick earlier) but he has problems with boundaries and knowing how to prioritise as he doesn't want anyone to get hurt thus not realising he's hurting the ones he loves most.
> 
> Also, he might finally be figuring out he needs to work to get his man back BUT there is still lots of angst to come before their HEA.

Thursday 

8:30 am Text from Callum - Morning, did you sleep well? I don’t like this bed without you in it 

8:45 am Text from Callum - all my Rice Krispies cereal gone - did you and Lexi eat it? You did didn’t you?? Supposed to tell me so I can buy more 

8:50 pm Text from Callum - Grabbing bacon butty and coffee on the way, if you were here I’d get you one too plus one of those fancy coffees you pretend to hate but really love

9:02 am Text from Callum - Jay is late, again. How hard is it to show up on time? 

9:45 am Text from Callum - Apparently Jay is taking the morning off, could be due to the paperwork he is supposed to do today. Hoping I’ll do it

10:12 am Text from Callum - I’m so not doing Jay’s paperwork, I’m going to keep reading Chamber of Secrets. No appointments til this afternoon and no walk ins yet

10:45 am Text from Callum - Snape is an ass

11:19 am Text from Callum - Professor Lockhart is hilarious 

11:40 am Text from Callum - I want the ability to talk to snakes but it’s bad? Seems judgemental to snakes

12:08 pm Text from Callum - Stupid customers are interrupting my reading. Going to go grab some lunch at home. What are you doing for lunch? Indain food :D

12:17 pm Text from Callum - Okay, need to grocery shop so going to the caff for lunch. Is there anything you want on the grocery list??

12:52 pm Text from Callum - Your mum makes an excellent chicken salad sandwich, Jay finally showed up for work this afternoon, think he’s hoping I’ll have done his paperwork. 

1:00 pm - What did you have for lunch? Or work through it?

After the first 3 or 4 Ben had turned his phone to vibrate, but as it had almost vibrated right out his overall:s pocket sohad turned it to silent. And resisted the urge to look at the messages by working even harder on the crappy cars but the morning had dragged on and the urge to look at the phone never far away. 

Eating lunch alone at the caff down the street he couldn't decide what to do next what to do - on the one hand he could ignore the messages and hope they stopped or he could text Callum telling him to stop or he could reply. Maybe if he flipped a coin? Reasonable approach to deciding whether or not to call the man he loved but dumped who was maybe going to change? Though it had been 4 days, so easy to say that now. 

And at that point Ben knew what to text back, what to say to hurt Callum and make him stop texting him. 

1:10 pm Text to Callum - Has Whitney told you to do this?? Because if you are just trying to make yourself feel better don’t worry it's all good. Find someone Whitney approved & I’ll find someone with no Whitney 

He put his phone down to pick up his sandwich but before he could take a bit, it started buzzing again. 

1:12 pm Text from Callum - I’d be a Chaser in Quidditch, you’d be a Beater just so you can hit people 

Right, Callum must have not read it yet so no more texts after that.

1:17 pm Text from Callum - I’m hiding in the backroom hiding and Jay is going paperwork

1:20 pm Text from Callum - Pissing me off isn’t going to make me give up on you or us. Call me

And even Ben couldn’t deny that pumping a little bit of hope back into his heart. 

Damnit.


	26. Chapter 26

Day and a half of constant texting, calling occasionally and all Callum had gotten back were a few text messages about Harry Potter and how Snape could be redeemed; clearly it was Ben smoking the bad crack now. Knowing you shouldn’t give up and not wanting to give up are two very different things and a part of Callum wanted to give up, the part which was still angry over being dumped after he was the one who got arrested due to Ben’s dodgy dealings. 

Continuing to mull over what to do when Jay and a chattering Lexi walked into the parlour and the realization of how much he missed the noise she and her father brought into his life - everything seemed very silent and lonely in the last week, like before Ben and accepting who he was.

“Shouldn’t you be at school, shortie?” lifting her up for a hug and twirl, “what are you doing with Uncle Jay at noon?”

“Every other friday is a half day remember Callum? Since Daddy isn’t here Mum had Jay come get me, she said he could figure out what to do with me cause I am so much trouble” laughing as he put her down.

“Right, well what do you want to do this afternoon?”

“She wants to go to the bookstore, Ben promised to take her to Pages of Hackney a couple of weeks ago but now she’s going to hang out here as Lola’s got appointments all afternoon.” 

"I didn't know you guys had planned that?" Shouldn't he know about Ben's plans with Lexi? 

"Daddy said a month ago we'd do stuff on the half days and I asked if you were coming he said not likely as you'd be working or with Whitney," Callum could see Jay looking everywhere but at him, Lexi waving her book around vehemently "and today was to be the bookstore. I mean I need more books as I'm almost done this one"

Out of the mouth of babes, thought Callum as Lexi kept talking, his heart clenching. It wasn't just not reading books Ben loved but he made Ben feel that Lexi wasn't important. The realization made his insides hurt even more than they already did.

"I can take her to the bookstore," he said to Jay and wanting to be with Lexi and show Ben that they could rely on him for everything.

"Umm, that's nice but that bookstore is an hour away and I don't really think she could go that far without either Ben or Lola," replied Jay not wanting to get anyone, especially himself, in trouble.

"Okay, well how about I take her to the used bookstore on the other side of the Square? That isn't far and we'll be back within the hour."

"Sure, that should be okay and I'll get some of the paperwork done while you're gone. Then we'll go to the caff, see if we can score some free ice cream off your Nan," Jay ruffling her hair before heading to the back.

"Alright Kiddo want to go buy some books," Callum smiling down at Lexi, "as your Dad says, never have too many books."


	27. Chapter 27

1:22 pm Text from Callum - Lexi's going to call you from my phone, at bookstore and she's got questions

What the he-- Ben's phone ringing with Callum's picture flashing before he could finish the thought and Lexi's voice came across.

"Hey Daddy, do we have any of the Anne of Green Gables books at home? I want to read it but i can't remember if it is at home or not. And I've finally decided to read Percy Jackson so I'm getting the first 3 books as they have them all."

"Umm, no we don't have any copies of Anne of Green Gables as I'm not even sure what it is," replied Ben leaning on the edge of the pit under the car he’d been working on with a smile on his face at hearing his daughter's voice. He’d been missing her a lot today knowing it was to have been their day of book shopping and hanging out in town so most of the morning had been planning on how to make it up to her when she came to visit. 

"And you're okay with me getting it?"

"Is anyone murdered or sex scenes??". The only 2 rules Ben had for his 9 year old's reading was no murder and no sex, otherwise he let her read whatever she wanted, figured all books were good books. 

"Of course not Daddy, I know the rules!! Anne is an orphan who gets adopted and loves to read. My teacher said I should try it!!". The sound of Lexie laughing down the line made his heart squeeze, missing her even more.

"Alright but no more books okay? It's nice of Callum to take you book shopping but let's not impose on him."

"He said it was okay."

"I'm sure he did and very nice of him but, in the future, only book shopping with me or Mum okay?"

"Ok"

"How about you let me talk to Callum now?"

"Alright, love you Daddy." Ben could hear her telling Callum that he wants to talk to him and passing the phone over.

"Hey Ben," Callum sounding more cheery than Ben felt, "she really wanted to talk to you so I wanted to make sure you picked up. We are having lots of fun --"

"Callum, why are you at the bookstore with Lexi?? She's supposed to be with Jay. You don't need to feel obligated to take care of her."

"I don't feel obligated, she's your daughter and you weren't here so I was happy to step in" confusion in his voice, "I want Lexi to be happy. I want to be part of making Lexi happy. With you. "

"That's really nice Callum, and I appreciate it, but you don't have to." Pinching his nose, Ben took a deep breath before continuing, "we aren't together so you don't need to worry about Lexi."

Checking that Lexi still sat in a corner reading her book, Callum took a few steps away so she couldn’t hear him. "I didn't agree to break up Ben, you seem to think this is a one sided decision. I love Lexi and I'm going to be here for her. And I'm not OBLIGATED," his voice raising angrily.

"Potatoe Popato Callum, you can't be the only one in a relationship. And I don't want her thinking she can rely on you when we both know she can’t."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? She can count on me, I'm not going anywhere," his voice getting louder and angrier.

"Sure until Whitney needs you or someone else you don't want to piss off wants something and you forget about her." Ben's voice getting louder and angrier as he spoke, "I don't want her getting hurt."

"I would never hurt her and you know that. And that you even suggest it when you know me is ridiculous."

"I do know you Callum, why do you think I only had Lexi stay with us two nights a week? Why I didn't include you in our plans?"

"So you never really trusted me? You always had dumping me in your plans? You weren't actually planning a future together? Why the hell did we get a flat together than?" Callum's voice accusing and angry, angry at Ben for all of this and blaming it all on him when he only wanted to love him and Alexi. 

"I tried to talking and you brushed it off.

"No," Callum interrupting, "trying to talk to me once doesn't count. And now saying you’re worried I'll hurt Lexi when you know I won't is just being an ass. An ass who doesn't trust his boyfriend and probably never did."

"I'm protecting Lexi," Ben countered but not sounding as sure now.

"Bullshit," Blinking in surprise as Callum rarely swore, Ben didn't even know how to reply. "You are looking for a reason to abandon ship and now you are making me and Lexi pay for it. This is on you."

"Fuck you. I'm protecting Lexi. I'm her father and I protect her from people who may hurt or not love her as she deserves. And that includes you."

"Goddammit Ben," but before he could continue the phone clicked,lifting the phone away from his ear to look at it "Bastard hung up on me."

Before he could call Ben back to yell at him Lexi's voice quietly called his name.

"Hey, I thought you were reading over in the corner?" Seeing the tears in her eyes, he crouched down asking softly, "you okay princess?"

"Did Daddy leave because I wanted the three of us to go book shopping together? That I want to spend time with you and him? I didn't mean to make you guys fight. If I promise not to ask again will he come back??"


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the comments and kudos, it is very appreciated!! We are getting closer to the end, I know how it ends but the boys still need to work out some issues. Callum still needs to talk to Whitney (who is, again, not the bad guy in this) and Ben needs to open himself up more, trust more.

"FUCK" yells Ben while grabbing the nearest tool and throwing it across the garage for it to bounce off the wall beofre laying his head on his arms on the ledge of the pit before standing up to climb out of the pit to grab the tool and put it back. The only thing not he hadn’t managed to damage today was the ratchet as it had no damage from bouncing off the wall. 

And now Lexi being dragged into the mess with Callum and he could only hope that she didn’t hear any of what the two men had said, hope Callum didn’t say anything to her. Why, for once, couldn’t he have just kept his mouth shut, said thank you and leave it alone? Taking Lexi to the bookstore had been a nice thing of Callum to do, but no, had to get into it with Callum over something, a week ago, he would have loved and appreciated. 

God, he could be an ass sometimes.

And how was it partly his fault? HE did the right thing, HE ended things so no one would get more hurt than they already were. HE had let Callum go and in doing so protected Lexi from being disappointed when Callum didn’t choose her or them. Protect her the way he had never been protected by his Mum or Dad, especially his Dad, from people who might hurt her. And make sure she knew, always, that Ben would do anything to protect her from people. Choose her over everyone. Unlike Phil who never choose Ben over anyone, making sure Ben always knew that and Ben was determined Lexi would never feel that way.

“So you never really trusted me? Why the hell did we get a flat together than?" Callum’s voice rang in his head, the accusation hanging there. That Ben somehow had been planning this, planning on blowing up his life, their life and punishing Callum. When all he had done was protect everyone from future hurt; doing the best thing for everyone - him, Lexi and Callum. Why couldn't everyone see that?

Walking over to the office, leaning on the door before speaking, “Matt, I’m done for the day. Had enough of this crap." The blonde man sitting behind the desk stopped doing paperwork to look up at him.

"Whatcha going to do for the rest of the day," Matt asked.

"Grab a shower, maybe hit a movie and find a place to go out afterwards. Need to blow off some steam."

"Guy problems?"

"I'm glad I don't have women problems because this is enough of a gong show." Before he could continue his phone rang, unknown number, with a wave to Matt, turning to leave and hit call on his phone, "Hello."

“Hey Ben, rumour has it you’re in Dublin!” a cheerful voice came from the other end.

“Who is this??" Not recognizing the voice Ben felt a sudden dread about the call. 

“Johnny, Johnny Carter. Dad told me that you were there and got me your number.”

“Johnny, Jesus, how are ya?" Memories of Johnny flooding back, what a good friend he had been, how Ben had wanted to be as comfortable with himself as Johnny and the time they had hooked up.

"I'm good and I'm in Dublin, got any plans tomorrow? Want to meet up?" 

"Love too, you know a good place to go? Hit a pub than a club?" Distraction, Ben needed distraction and this would be an excellent way to do it. “I’m free tonight as well.

"Can’t tonight, here for work and have a fancy business meeting with the law partners tonight but I’m free all day and night. I know some good places we can hit, have a good time and some friends you would like. How much trouble do you want to get into?"

"Let's find out, it's been a week so -" Ben's voice drifting off.

"You can tell me all about it tomorrow, got the impression from Dad that something had happened? Weren’t you dating Callum?" Ben could hear the question in Johnny's voice, wondering what Mick had told him.

"I'll fill you in tomorrow but I’m single now," Ben said, even as a voice asked how single he wanted to act, and the two men made plans to meet up Saturday night.

Distraction Bem thought again after getting off the phone with Johnny, distraction would be good.


	29. Chapter 29

Please see author note


	30. Author's note

While I was editing I decided the previous chapter (Kathy being wonderful, Phil being a dick) didn't work there (kinda interrupts the drama of the fight) and have deleted it. It WILL be back but in a more appropriate place. A new chapter will be up later today or tomorrow depending on how much time I have.

Sorry for any inconvenience, trying to write the best story possible :)


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder the original 29 no longer exists, THIS is the actual Chapter 29. Please see Author's note for any questions!! Or ask away in the comments, hope everyone continues to enjoy

"Oh, Lexi, no. None of this is your fault," Callum sat down on the floor, gesturing for her to come sit by him, "your Dad being away has absolutely nothing to do with you."

Lexi sat silently down beside him, tears in her eyes, clearly trying not to cry. Her books now in a messy pile beside her, her fingers twirling and un-twirling her pale blonde hair around them.

"Your Dad and I are fighting right now but not over you. Never ever over you. It's adult stuff, adult problems but those problems have nothing to do with you." 

"But I asked Daddy, before he left, if we could all spend more time together and he left after that. I didn't mean to upset him, I just like when we are all together and he seems so happy. I want him to be happy."

Callum put his arm around her shoulders to pull Lexi close, to avoid her seeing how close to tears he was now. "You asking your Dad if we could all spend more time together isn't what this is about at all. It's about your Dad and I trying to work some stuff out. That you want to spend more time with us all together is the best present you could ever give me."

"I just miss him and want him to come home. I know I'm going to see him next week but I wish he was here, I like it better when he is here," Lexi's voice cracking, tears flowing freely now, speaking softly. "I worry he won't come back."

"Sweetie you are the most important person in the world to your Dad and I know he misses you double the amount you do. He would never leave you if he didn't have too. And I love you too, so much."

"Are you and Daddy going to live together when he comes back? He's happy with you, I don't want you to go anywhere."

Callum took a breath, not sure what to say, wanting to promise that he and Ben would be together and happy but not disappoint her if that didn't happen. Callum wanted them to all live together but it kept getting clearer they had stuff to work out, that this wouldn't be as easy as reading Harry Potter books.

"Sweetie, no matter what happens I will always be a part of your life because you make me so happy. And I'll always love your. Dad too, no matter what. Neither of us are leaving you ever." Tightening his arm around the now sniffling girl, he placed a kiss on the top of her head and just held her until she seemed to stop crying.

"I need a Kleenex," Lexi said while wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"I don't have any but I can go ask for some if you are okay here and promise not to move til I get back."

"I promise, plus I need to figure out which books to get."

Getting to his feet to walk to the counter, Callum ran his fingers through his hair, cursing to himself, Ben and whatever God made life so hard when you thought you had figured it all out. Neither he nor Ben had given a thought to how this would affect Lexi, too wrapped up in themselves. That Callum had not given the person who should be the most important to him a thought felt being hit with a Mac truck. 

The damage that needed to fix being bigger than he originally thought, a harder climb but one he would need to do. The thought of not having Ben or Lexi in his life made him sick to his stomach. He had to start showing them how important they were to them; though he was still mad at Ben.

"Have you got Kleenex?" Asking the woman at the counter when he got there.

"Yes, do you want a few or the box? Did you and your daughter find what you were looking forward? I'm happy to help with anything," she said with a bright smile.

"Uhh, thanks but really just Kleenex." 

"I haven't seen you in here before, do you come often? What does your daughter like to read? What about you?"

"Umm, Harry Potter, but anything really." Callum couldn't decide if she was flirting with him or not. He radar for this type of thing was awful and combined with his desire to not hurt anyone's feelings led to awkward situations. Which, in hindsight, contributed to his current problems of trying to make everyone happy so no one was happy. Like Whitney and Ben.

Hey, a voice in his head said, progress!! Self awareness! Now, say something to get her to stop flirting with you cause you have a boyfriend and don't want to lead her on. Like Whitney. 

"Well she's adorable, and it is great to see you encouraging her love of reading. I wish more parents did that," the woman's smile grew, "if you need help with recommendation I'm more than happy to help."

"Well, actually, she's my boyfriend's daughter and he's at work so . . . " his voice trailing off.

The woman continued to smile brightly at him, "Well I'm happy to help anyone who encourages kids to read, we have a kids book club if she's interested, every Saturday from 1-2 pm with kids in the neighborhood, the parents often go for coffee next door. Your boyfriend and you should bringing her, we're starting the Percy Jackson series this week." 

"Umm, great I'll talk to Ben about it," walking away with a smile, that she returned, and the box of Kleenex in his hand. 

That had not been so bad, no one's feelings hurt. And he didn't feel like he had lead anyone astray. By the time he got back to Lexi she had gathered up her books, ready to buy and go.

"Feeling better Princess?" He asked while reaching down to carry her books, "get everything you wanted?"

"Yeah, I think so. But can we come back?" Lexi had the same smile Ben did when he wanted his own way, one Callum could rarely say no too.

"Of course but not til you're done those."

"Okay. You know I'd really feel better if we went to get a chocolate shake from Nan's" her smile even bigger, blue eyes wide and innocent. He didn't believe that for a second.

"Yeah, we can do that," he said while putting the books on the counter to pay for them, realizing she had slipped in a Teen Titans cartoon book. Pulling it out to wave at her, "Sneaking in an extra?"

Lexi just smiled at him angelically.

"You are so your father's daughter," laughing as he put it back on the pile.

"I know" she said proudly.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Whitney to get some perspective and, again, she's not the bad guy in this story. And there is still a big Callum/Whitney conversation to come, they have stuff to resolve before anyone can move on. 
> 
> I appreciate all the kudos and comments, it is so cool that you guys are liking this story as I'm loving writing it.

From her stall Whitney watched Callum and Lexi walk hand in hand towards Kathy’s caff, laughing and talking, heart constricting at the sight. They made such a picture, the tall dark haired man with the small blonde girl smiling up at him. Reminded her of when she imagined Callum with their child, one she imagined would be dark like them; her heart squeezing at memory.

“Still haven’t spoken to him?” Bianca spoke from behind her.

“No, I’ve sent a couple of texts and called but nothing back. Not sure what to do, I just want to talk to him and he’s avoiding me. Some best friend, blaming me for Ben being an ass,” her voice raising angrily as she ran a hand through her long dark hair. “I’m the one that finished it with him at the altar so he didn’t live a lie and yet I’m the bad guy nine months later.”

“Ah, Whit, you ain’t the bad guy but I think the situation is more complicated than Ben being an ass” Biannca said, putting a hand on her back in comfort. "If you want to still be friends you need to talk to him.” 

“I know, I’m just scared what he’ll say. That we ain’t gonna be friends anymore, that I”m going to lose my best mate, the guy I thought would always be in my life. I’ve never had anyone like him before, someone I could always see being around, plan things for the future with and trust. Haven't met anyone like that before or since. He's such a big part of my life and I don't know what to do now."

"Well you need to do it sooner than later, keep waiting and there will be no going back for anyone."

Both women watched the two walk into the cafe before Bianca went to help a customer, leaving Whitney to stare wistfully at the closing door of the caff. 

"You and Callum certainly spend a lot of time together," Bianca says as returns while putting the money in the cashbox. "Sorta like when you were together."

"What? We're best mates, that's all, and we like spending time together." Whitney giving her a quizzical, "why would you think otherwise?"

"Right but you guys are together almost all the time, you haven't dated anyone since Leo and I just worry that maybe you are getting expectations with Callum. Or starting to think you can have some type of future?" Biance asked, not really sure what Whitney would say or if she was even aware of how her relationship with Callum appeared. "It just might appear you guys are, well, you know, together.'

“Together?? Together how?" Whitney looking truly confused as she spoke.

“Just that your and Callum’s relationship is - just it seems a bit, well, maybe, you know, involved for just being friends?” Bianca signing at the still confused Whitney. “Maybe more than friends, more like before -"

“Bianca, for God’s sake, if you have something to say say it already,” Whitney interrupting, clearly exasperated with her and the conversation causing Bianca to throw up her hands before speaking.

“Fine. You treat Callum like your boyfriend, you guys do everything but have sex together, and I’m not sure you wouldn’t try if you thought he’d do it with you, and Callum puts you before everyone else including his boyfriend. I keep waiting to hear you have agreed to turkey baster or something pregnancy wiith him, live together to raise the kid and maybe get married. Maybe while he keeps Ben on the side,” Bianca pausing thoughtfully “but I don’t see Ben being very on board with that."

"I, what? You think - what?" Whitney staring at her with shock, unable to form a sentence so Bianca continues.

"I know you ain't a fan of Ben but put yourself in his shoes. Your boyfriend works so hard to become friends with his ex, you're unable to say anything cause you're part of the reason for the break up and he helps the ex break up with the asshole who came back to ruin her life so they become friends again."

"And they started spending all their time together, not really including you in it and you see how much they enjoy being together. And even if he said he loved you, the ex was the one who broke up with him at the altar you'd have doubts. You'd have to wonder if maybe you were just sex and she’s who he really wants to be in a relationship with. Especially if he can't even agree to an apartment to rent for you to live in without talking to her first." Pausing to give Whitney a look, see if she was getting through to her, before continuing, “But, hey, I’m sure you don’t mean to act like Callum’s girlfriend, not date other guys and just use your vibrator for sexual satisfaction."

"But, I , Ben got him arrested, he was upset. I didn't think - him and I, we -" Whitney stuttered.

"But I'm sure Ben's being an ass by breaking up with Callum after he got him arrested and came to you. Staying overnight with you instead of talking to Ben or going home to Ben. No reason for Ben to worry at all. You aren’t hoping Callum will leave Ben, come to you and live happily ever after cause all you feel is friendship. Nope, not what’s going on at all."

"But we're best friends, and if there's no Ben I mean who knows what would happen but he's gay and maybe; I mean we'd make good parents and -" Whitney pausing as if realizing the words coming out of her mouth, a look of shock overcoming her before saying weakly "he deserves better than Ben who does things like get him arrested."

"Maybe but I think you need to give why you want him away from Ben, why you didn't want him to go home. What you really want from Callum."

Turning to the stall Bianca began moving things around to have something to do with her hands; she could see Whitney thinking and going over things in her head. After a few minutes of silent, Bianca walked back to stand in front of the younger woman, her daughter in all but blood, to give her a hug before speaking.

"I want you to be happy Whit, I really do but I think you're setting yourself for heartbreak and you've had enough of that in your lifetime. So just some food for thought. I'm here to talk if you want too." Bianca gave her another quick hug before going to talk to the new customer looking at the clothing at the stall.


	33. Author's note

Hi all

I haven't left this story unfinished, I was on vacation and didn't have time to write. I have been re-writing the next few chapters as I know how they are supposed to turn out, or at least whose.point of view I want, and I've been arguing with the chapters about where we are going but we're are closing in on an agreement; hopefully that makes sense.

Anyways, I appreciate everyone who has read and commented as it makes writing so much better!! New chapters are coming and a couple of twist and turns for The Boys.


	34. Chapter 34

“Ben, we aren’t finished with this conversation so stop ignoring my calls. I’m not going to stop calling so ANSWER YOUR PHONE.” Throwing his phone down on the table muttering “Asshole” under his breath; not sure if he meant him or Ben. Probably both. 

In the two hours since the bookstore conversation and ice cream with Lexi at the cafe, and returning her to Jay before heading to the apartment he had called Ben 10 times. And each time he didn’t answer, not even a text message. Just straight up sent his calls to voicemail and, Callum bet, didn’t listen to them, all of which made Callum want to punch something.

5 pm - Text to Ben - I want to talk not text

5:03 pm Text to Ben - Call me

5:05 pm Text to Ben - BEN. CALL ME

5:06 pm Text to Ben - Please, I need to talk to you. 

Fifteen minutes later with no response Callum got up, needing a way to distract himself from Ben and the wreckage of his life, going over to the shelf with his always growing pile of cookbooks he took out the John Whaite cookbook, looking for something to bake. Ben had tagged pretty much everything except the Self-Saucing Chocolate Mud Pie as it had raisins in it which Ben hated almost as much as Indian food so, despite Callum thinking it sounded delicious, he hadn't made it. But no reason not to now plus order Indian food at the same time. And invite Stuart and Mick over to enjoy it with him; an evening of things that he didn't do because of Ben seemed exactly what he should do. 

And if that made him a little petty, well, he could live with it. 

*********

Three hours later the three men sat around watching Grand Tour, finishing up the dessert and drinking the variety of craft beers Mick had brought over for tasting.

"This one" Stuart held up a bottle of dark ale, "goes really well with the dessert and I'd totally drink it just by itself.'

"That's good, got a couple barrels coming next week to see how it sells. Guarantee that's what you'll be drinking full time if it ain't selling," Mick said with a laugh. 

"No problem with that mate. I'm gonna get another bottle," Stuart while getting off the sofa and heading to the kitchen.

Turning to Callum, who sat on the other end of the sofa from where Stuart had been, asking "So how are you?"

"Me? Umm, yeah I'm fine. You know, all things considered. Ben still won't really talk to me and I don't really know what to do. I keep texting and calling, today hung out with Lexi cause but we had a big argument about that. Texted him afterwards but he won't text me back. I don't know what to do, maybe it is time to give up"

"That why you had us over and we're eating all the stuff Ben doesn't like? Not that I'm complaining, that's the best Indian take out I've ever had and I want the name as Ollie loves Indian food, but seemed all pretty last minute."

"Yeah, well," Callum playing with the bottle in front of him before continuing, "distraction is good. Otherwise just be staring at my phone wouldn't I?"

"Maybe you just need to give him some time, yeah? He knows where you're at, just let it sit with him."

"Maybe, I dunno - just glad we got to hang out."

"Me too," Mick smiling and raising his bottle, "to mates nights."

"And your cooking," Stuart said sitting down with another bottle of beer to join the toast, "best dessert you've made. I'm requesting it for Christmas dinner."

"Can probably arrange that,". Callum said with a laugh.

It was 11pm by the time both men were gone and Callum allowed himself to look at the phone. Nothing. Not even the little check marks showing Ben had at least read the messages; hard to misinterpret what that meant. With a sign Callum typed out a message to Ben. 

11:12 pm Text to Ben - I know you aren't reading these but going to try this anyways. I love you, only you. You are who I want to be with but if that isn't what you want or you don't think it will make you happy I'll respect that because all I want is for you to be happy. With or without me. I love you Ben Mitchell no matter what happens 

Walking to their bedroom he turned his phone off and put it on the night stand as he didn't want to see that Ben read the message with no reply nor did he want to see that he hadn't. Neither option held much appel.

Stripping to his boxers to climb in on his side and stare at the ceiling, thinking of all the times he and Ben had laid here talking, cuddling and making love. Rolling over to pull Ben's pillow close and take a deep breathe, Callum finally admitted to himself that no matter what he did, he and Ben might just be over. And while he's actions with Whitney a major reason, Ben's unwillingness to even talk, how easily he walked away and didn't want to work it out could be the final nail in the coffin.

Probably time to accept that reality. And maybe time to change the sheets, Callum thought as he drifted off to sleep breathing in Ben's scent.


	35. Chapter 35

"So did you tell him?" 

"No, didn't really see the point," Mick stopping halfway up the stairs at the Vic as Linda stood in front of him, arms crossed over her chest.

"You didn't think it was relevant to tell Ben that you gave Johnny his number so he could get in contact with him? " Linda rolling her eyes at Mick before continuing, "seriously Mick."

"There wasn't a good time to tell him" Mick suggested weakly while looking anywhere but at Linda. 

"That ain't much of an excuse, Callum deserves to know."

"Look, it isn't a big deal. They're only mates who haven't seen each other in a while, why would I tell Callum that?"

"Don't come running to me when this all blows up in your face. I'm going to be on Callum's side," Linda said before turning to go back into the flat.


	36. Where would you go in Dublin??

So Ben is about to start planning the family weekend with Lexi & Lola, Sonos there anywhere you would send them if it was you?? I'm looking for suggestions!!


	37. Chapter 37

11:12 pm Text from Callum - I know you aren't reading these but going to try this anyways. I love you, only you. You are who I want to be with but if that isn't what you want or you don't think it will make you happy I'll respect that because all I want is for you to be happy. With or without me. I love you Ben Mitchell no matter what happens 

Sitting up in bed, Ben read the message after giving in to the overwhelming need to read it, as it had prevented him from sleeping despite after trying his usual distractions of TV, Farmville and Instagram. Instagram had been the finale straw when he scrolled through and saw Stuart’s post of cake, Indian food and beer with a grinning Callum and Mick in the background captioned: 

Indian food, @CHighway’s delicious chocolate mud pie/cake thingy and hanging out with my bruv makes for a great Friday night. Single life ain’t so bad 

#brothertime #fridaynightmellow #eatingitall 

Wasn't that the dessert with raisins that Callum had promised to never cook as Ben hated raisins in all things? And Indian food? Clearly Ben being gone wasn't bothering him that much despite what he may say. Or texted. In a few weeks Callum would realize Ben did the right thing and everyone would be happy.

Exactly what Ben wanted. Right?

He definitely didn't want to call Callum to talk about the phone argument nor that he had, possibly, maybe, overreacted. That he didn't believe that Callum would ever hurt Lexi, that taking her to the bookstore has been a sweet gesture and he appreciated it. That maybe Callum had a point when he said Ben had not tried to talk to him about Whitney, not really. 

Unable to resist Ben went to Callum's Instagram page go scroll back through it. Pictures of him and Callum - them smiling at the camera at various places from the Vic to the night they went to see Hamilton, both dressed in suits, to E20 Drag Show. An older picture Ben hadn't seen before brought his scrolling to a stop - Ben with his glasses on playing a board game with Lexi, probably Monopoly, the two of them clearly in an argument as she pointed her finger at him and he glared at her. The caption below reading:

My man is cute in his glasses but he's gonna get his butt kicked by Lexi. Love these two. Also she cheats worse than her Dad, don't play board games with either of them

#myman #gonnalose #notgettinginvolved 

Ben felt something tighten in his chest before he closing the app, not wanting to think of Callum always laughing at him when he complained about Lexi cheating, saying she learned from her Dad so no one to blame but herself. How happy those moments made him.

Okay, get a grip Mitchell, the voice in his head said, you did the right thing. Sure there were some happy times but this way you are preventing anyone from getting even more hurt when it all falls apart. Callum may not appreciate it now but once he realizes you did the right thing, that Whitney will be happier too and he can find someone who will be happy with not being the most important person in his life he'll realize this was the best. That Ben did the right thing.

Tossing his phone down on the bed while moving to lay down pulling the covers up, right he did the right thing for everyone. They would all see that eventually.


	38. Chapter 38

Tossing and turning for most of the night, Ben gave up on sleep at about 5:30am, getting out of bed to head to the small living room to start organizing Lexi and Lola's trip; might as well do something useful with his insomnia. Which he hadn’t had in the months since he and Callum been together. By 7 am he had booked flights for Lola and Lexi to arriving Friday at about 4pm and leaving Monday afternoon, reserved a stupidly expensive room at Clontarf Castle as he knew Lexi would love staying in an actual castle, even if his credit card did not, and booked all three of them in for a mani and pedi as a surprise. Besides that he would leave the rest of the activities up to the other two. 

The memory of his first, and to date only, pedicure washing slowly over him, how ridiculous he had felt walking into the Salon, that it was a waste of money and that real men don't get pedicures. The smile on Paul’s face as he pulled him into the storefront with mostly women working over various people’s feet and hands, laughing and promising that he would enjoy it. That he had got Ben to agree by saying it would be something for them to do together in the future so he might as well get used to it and, when Ben had muttered a grumpy agreement, Paul’s smile and quick kiss had replaced any other thought but making him happy. 

After Paul had been killed the prospect of doing that, something that had been just for them had not occurred to him. But for some reason the thought of sharing this with Lexi, maybe making it their thing, felt like a way to honour Paul, that he would want Ben to do it. And probably want him to get his toes painted bright pink, Ben smirking at the thought, or bright green or some other horrendous neor colour. Just like Lexi would. Ben could see, in his mind’s eye, Lexi and Paul going for pedicures all the time, if Paul was still here, and making him pay for them which Ben would grumble about but happily do. Paul would have loved Lexi so much, Ben's heart still hurt when thinking of all the things they could have done together. 

So many things he and Paul would never get to do together. That Paul and Lexi would never get to do together.

God, okay he had enough problems right now that memories of Paul and what could have been would not help. It had been so long since his thoughts had even gone in that direction especially since Callum; he made it easier to not dwell on that stuff. To not get lost in the past and what could have been. 

Running, running would get his mind off of the present and the past; he could put on some mindless podcast and just pound on the pavement. Getting up from the couch in the small living room, Ben took his laptop to his room and threw on the running gear he had brought with him without much thought of where to go; just needing out of his head. Headphones, the latest episode of the Motoring Podcast and left the apartment. 

An hour later with sweat dripping down his face Ben slowly came to a halt, hands resting on his knees trying to catch his breath. Maybe an hour long run hadn't been the best idea as he seemed to be more out of shape than he thought but it had shut his brain off thankfully and maybe now he could catch some sleep in the afternoon before going out with Johnny. Not much else to do for the day, call Lexi but that was about it.

On a normal Saturday he and Callum would be planning their day or, more likely, still in bed getting sweaty. Guess he would have to get used to not doing that now Ben thought with a twinge, not waking up with Callum's longer warm body wrapped around him or how he'd bury his head in Ben's neck and refuse to get out of bed because it was cold. Before he could stop himself Ben began wondering what Callum had planned for the day whether he would be sleeping in or doing the grocery shopping, Ben hated grocery shopping and would rather clean the bathroom, or reading more Harry Potter? Or hanging out with Whitney all day since you aren't there for him to have to spend time with?

Ben was really beginning to hate that little voice in his head. 

********

The rest of the day passed slowly but between organizing the night out with Johnny, talking to Lexi several times, a short nap and losing himself in Cassandra Clare's latest book about Magnus and Alex (yes he had a weakness for vampire/supernatural angst which is why he had an ereader so Jay couldn't make fun of him plus he kinda wanted a threesome or foursome with those two and Callum) made sure Callum was only on his mind about 80% of the time. And prevented him from calling and talking, wanting to say he was sorry about what he said. That he knew Callum wouldn't hurt Lexi and - and he had no idea; just that he was trying to do the best for everyone. 

Walking into the Hose and Hound to meet Johnny at just after 8pm and more than ready for a night out, hoping he wouldn't have problems recognizing Johnny bit ready to get going on the night. To get his mind off things and talk to someone who wouldn't want to have meaningful conversations about his love life and decisions. Looking around he recognized Johnny waving at him from a corner booth, walking over with a smile and once he's at the booth Johnny stood to give him a big hug.

"Mate! It's been a while!! I almost didn't recognize you without the glasses" Johnny said with a grin, "but I'd recognize that Ben Mitchell grin anywhere. C'mon seat down and let's get caught up."

"Sounds good, I can't wait to hear all you big time lawyer stories. Up for a serious night out?". Ben asked while waving at the waitress who began making her way over.

"It has been a week, sometimes still wished I was putting in shifts at the Vic, ya know? But I definitely have plans for us tonight - we are both going to have a good time."

"Can't wait," Ben grinning at Johnny as the waitress arrived to take their drink orders.


	39. Chapter 39

Late Saturday afternoon Whitney found herself sitting alone in one of the Vic’s back booths, large glass of white wine and yesterday’s conversation with Bianca replaying in her head. That she still had feelings for Callum and what they could have been; the family, the happily ever after. And the realization that what Bianca said had some truth in it. Logically she knew that it wouldn't happen, Callum very clearly gay and in love with a man, but that tiny part of her heart, it wasn't so convinced. And that part, despite what she told herself and Callum, had been growing in the last couple of months.

Leaning back against the booth, tilting her head back, eyes closing allowing her mind to wander back over go their relationship from the beginning. He had been the first man who had ever made her feel safe, loved and like she could plan a future which wouldn't suddenly fall out from beneath her. Sure, the sex hadn't been great but the sex had been mind blowing with Lee and look where that had gotten her - divorced and alone. She had been happy to give up amazing sex for how Callum made her feel; figuring you couldn't have both.

And after the break up it had been so hard, watching him be happy with Ben, come out of his shell and shine in a way he never had with her. And, after Leo's attempt to destroy her life, Callum's support made her feel safe again so it had been easy to let old feelings rise up. Even if it had been unconsciously. She never made any effort to include Ben in anything the two of them did, always letting Callum know he could do better than Ben Mitchell, the criminal. The criminal who, Whitney finally acknowledged to herself, she was jealous of. Jealous of how Callum felt about him and not her, how he got everything that she wanted so much - the man, his love and the family unit. Plus, according to Ben's occasionally comment and Callum's blushing, amazing sex

God, Bianca had been right - she still loves Callum and, if honest, happy that he and Ben had ended. 

Looking back, she probably should have sent Callum back to Ben the night he had been arrested, not encourage him to stay with her. And probably not spend as much time with him as she did, not allow her life to start to revolve around Callum again. Hell, she'd even turned down dates so she could hang out with Callum whether to watch TV or go to the pub or just hang out. Enjoyed their Line of Duties nights, their pub nights or just hang out and she'd encouraged it. Wanted to do it.

God, she'd been sabotaging her life for a gay man in love with another man. She needed another drink, many more drinks.

"Want some company?"

Whitney opened her eyes to see Callum standing in front of her with a tentative smile and a beer. 

"Just thinking about you," she said while gesturing for him to take a seat, "about us really."

"Yeah I've been wanting to talk but needed to get things sorted in my head first. Know what I would say." Callum sat before continuing, "and still not sure what to say. I've screwed everything up so badly."

Whitney said nothing, not even sure how to reply, how to say she's still figuring it out in her head - their relationship. 

"I hurt everyone I love - Ben, you, Lexi and I don't know how to fix it." Callum looking dejectedly down at his beer.

"I don't know what you want me to say Callum," Whitney said, "but you aren't the complete bad guy in this, I contributed to the mess we're in as well."

"Whit, you ain't done anything but be a great friend to me."

"And you to me. But if I'm honest, a part of me has been hoping we'd be more than friends again. That we'd have some sort of future of more than friends," Whitney took a large drink from her drink, both for courage and time to frame what she would say. "I've done some thinking and I want more than friendship, I've been waiting for you to realize we are more than friends and I wouldn't even admit it to myself."

"Whit, I - you know -" but before he could continue Shirley came to the table to gather her empty glass.

"Another round? Maybe some champagne to celebrate the reunion?"

"What? No!!" Whitney said in shock, "there is no reunion. No champagne, Jesus, just a beer for me."

"Well you never know, with Ben outta the picture now," Shirley raising an eyebrow and giving the two of them a look, "I got a pool going on who ends up with who. Any hints?"

"Shirley please," the pleading in Callum's voice clear.

"You know what, I'll go to the bar and get my drink," Whitney got up to walk away as Callum sadly watched her walk away.

"Seriously, I'll give ya 100 pounds if ya tell me who you're picking. I got serious money riding on this."

"Go away Shirley. Please."

A few minutes later a beer came down in front of him on the table.

"We're gonna need alcohol for this conversation," said Whitney as she sat down with a large glass of wine and another beer for Callum.

"Probably" he said ruefully with a smile at her.


	40. Chapter 40

"You are the first guy I've ever felt safe with, that I didn't worry about why you were with me," Whitney stared just beyond Callum as she spoke. "I'd thought I'd had that in the past but didn't, not really. First Terry then Lee who I thought I could trust but hurt me so much and all the other bad decisions I made about guys, but when I meet you I thought I'd finally figured it out. That I'd finally meet a good guy who I could trust and would protect me, love me."

"Whit, I -"

But she continues like he hadn't spoken, "and when I found out about you and Ben, I was so mad. Mad at Ben for taking you away, mad at you for not being who I thought you were and mad at you for breaking my heart. Mad at me for letting myself believe I'd finally found a guy who would love and protect me without an ulterior motive." Whitney took a sip of her wine before continuing.

"And afterwards, it was easy to believe the worst of you when Leo showed me the video, after all you'd lied to me already. Why shouldn't I think the worst of you? But afterwards, once the whole truth about Leo came out, you were so good. Helped me get back on my feet, there every step of the way, made it easy to remember why I loved you."

"Whitney I'm sorry if I misled you," Callum said, not sure what to say and Whitney continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"And once we were friends again, well, it was easy to see get back into old habits and pretend it wasn't what I was doing. Though, apparently, everyone else knew exactly what was going on," Whitney said sarcastically before continuing. "Easy to encourage you to spend time with me, to think what we have now would become something else or go back to what we had without even realizing it. That Ben was somehow a distraction, that we would be the ones who ended up together. It's ridiculous I know."

"Whit, I'm sorry if I misled you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay and be friends again."

"I know, this isn't your fault Callum."

Both sat in silence, drinking the fresh beer for Callum and wine for Whitney that Mick had quietly dropped off, neither really noticing. After a few moments Callum spoke,

"When you called off the wedding a part of me was so relieved. That you had the guts to do what what I couldn't, how brave you were but I was devastated too cause I could see the future with you and me, just as was expected. The home, the kids and everything Johnno expected. Everything I should want."

Callum paused before continuing, "and afterwards, I knew how much it hurt you to see me with Ben. And when you didn't want to be friends, God, I didn't know what to do. Then when Leo showed up, a part of me was jealous --" 

"What? I had no idea," Whitney laughing.

"Ridiculous right? I know but I couldn't help myself. Than when you didn't want to be friends, that you wouldn't even talk to me, after the video that Leo showed and I just wanted to make things right. Make us right. And after Leo, I didn't want you to be alone. I knew I had a second chance to show you how important you were to me and that was all I wanted. To prove to you that I deserved your friendship."

"Yeah, I know. And I wanted to feel safe again. How safe you made me feel," Whitney said sadly. 

"And I put you first. Before Ben, before everyone and I didn't even realize it. I just wanted to show you that I could be trusted, that you were important to me. That I needed you in my life and, apparently, made Ben think he wasn't important go me and you that we had a romantic future. None of which I meant to do."

"Good intentions, hey?" Whitney smiling at him over her glass. "Callum this isn't all your fault. I did my part - I should have told you to go home to Ben and I should have known what I was feeling. This isn't all your fault - some yeah but not all."

"So what do we do now?"


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I haven't forgotten this story, I just needed to outline how to end it which I now have. I'm not going to predict how many more chapters but the end is in site.

"So, to be clear on the timeline" Johnny said to Ben "you got together with Callum while he was engaged, went after him but he couldn't admit he was gay so you basically got Whitney to dump him at the alter."

"I'm not sure that is the fairest description," Ben interrupted before Johnny held up a hand for him to be quiet. The two men sat at a corner booth in Street 66, a well known Dublin gay pub, still quiet as the night really wouldn't start until 11pm or so, with drinks on the table. 

"She dumps him, you and he get together within a month, after some drama you created, you guys end up together. And happy. Happy to the extent that you move in together three months ago."

"Right but him and Whitney --" 

"Shut up I'm getting there. He and Whitney start to be friends again and you don't say anything. You let him think your okay with everything," Johnny glared at Ben as he opened his mouth to speak so he shut it, "When you realize that maybe you have an issue with this instead of talking, with the exception of the one time half ass effort, to your live in boyfriend, you dump him after getting him arrested causing him to be so mad with you he spends the night with the person he considers his best friend. Completely unaware of your issues and that those issues will cause you to dump him the next day. I've got that about right?"

"It isn't quite like that," Ben protests, "I mean--"

Johnny continued as if Ben hadn't spoken "Since than he has been in constant contact trying to get you to talk to him. He took your daughter to a bookstore something you were supposed to do, something she wanted all three of you to do together, and you yelled at him for doing a really nice thing." Pausing to look at Ben, "You know how ridiculous you are right? I thought you loved this guy?"

"It's more complicated than that."

Johnny snorted into his beer, "You surely aren't that stupid."

"Look I don't want to talk about this; we’re here to have a good time, do some shots ind you a cute guy," Ben says hopefully, gesturing his arm to encompass the many men in Street 66 that night. "You don’t have relationship issues - so let’s get you laid.”

“Thought you weren’t in a relationship?”

“Shut up, isn’t this round on you?”

And if Johnny's words had hit home Ben didn't let it show. Nor did the words "I thought you loved this guy" echo in his head.

*****

“What about that one over there,” Ben yelled over the noise in the now packed Street 66, pointing to a tall blonde guy standing in the far corner with a group of friends, “he’s cute and keeps looking over.” 

“Pretty sure it’s you he keeps looking over at,” Johnny says dismissively, “Whose round is it?”

“I’m pretty sure it is you turn, I bought the last round.”

“No that was me, your memory is getting bad in your old age Mitchell. Let’s get some shots and you are paying.”

Before Ben could reply a voice came from behind them “Hi” 

Both men turned to find the topic of conversation standing beside them with a smile, taller than Ben originally thought when looking at him from across the room, sticking his hand out, “I’m Robert.”

“Nice to meet you,” Johnny reaching out to shake it, “I’m Johnny and this is Ben.”

Turning to the bar they were leaning against, managing to grab the bartender walking by to order more drinks but specifically not for Robert despite the conversation going on behind him. Turning in time to hear Johnny ask “Actually can you do me a favour?”

“Sure, what?” Okay, he had a nice smile Ben admitted grudgingly but it wasn’t Callum’s smile. Or blue eyes. Or Callum. 

“Can you get a picture of us? Been a while since we’ve hung out and I want proof that we are still friends.” Johnny giving him an elbow in the side with an evil grin, “stick it up on Instagram.” 

“Johnny, c’mon we don’t need . . .” with a sigh Ben gave up before even starting as Johnny had already handed his phone over and put an arm over his shoulder causing Ben to do the same while smiling while Robert took several quick pictures. 

“Thanks, and now to put on Instagram.” 

“So, umm, how’s it going Ben? It is Ben, right?”

“Yes, Ben. Good, just met up with Johnny for a night out cause we are both in town.”

“Yeah, neither of you sound like you're from here,” Robert gave a low laugh in his very Irish accent, “where are you from?”

“East London, just here for some work. You?”

“Hey Ben, look at this, isn’t this Callum?” Johnny asked with a grin just as Robert started to answer,”he’s pretty hot.” Holding out his phone to show Instagram post to Ben who grabbed it to see a photo of Callum, Whitney, Jay, Lola and some other regulars smiling at the camera while holding up their drinks while underneath it said:

Good night to come hang out with friends @thevic, some of our regulars are here  
And about to start a game of darts. Come down and join us!! #thevic   
#saturdaynightfun #morethemerrier

“Looks like they are all having a good time - especially Callum and Whitney.” Pushing the phone back to Johnny, he gave a flirty smile at Robert, “so want a drink?”

Looking at him in surprise and a smile “Beer would be great.”

“Beer for all of us,” he said with a forced grin before spinning back to the bar to wave down the bartender to order. So much for thinking maybe Johnny had a point, that he was being an idiot and maybe wrong. Probably wrong. Clearly all of that had been fucking wrong. Callum and Whitney happily hanging out on a Saturday night, seems he had been pretty fucking right. 

“It’s just a photo Ben,” Johnny leaning over to speak into his ear. “Don’t be an ass and overreact.”

“I”m not.” Ben gritted between his teeth, “Clearly the breakup is a good thing and Callum has adjusted.” Taking the beers from the bartender to hand them to the other two men before taking his own and spinning around to talk to Robert. 

“Holy fuck you are an idiot,” Johnny muttered while shaking his head befroe joining into the conversation. Wondering how much of a babysitter he would have to be tonight.


	42. Chapter 42

“I think we need to keep some distance,” Callum said after a moment of silence, “I need to fix things with Ben and it isn’t that I don’t love ya or that I don’t want to be friends Whit but-”

“I know and I agree but I don’t want to lose you as a friend either but I think we need space. Space to get away from each other, maybe not be so dependent. I need to get out and find a guy who isn’t gay” she gve a short laugh and smiling at him , “that didn’t work out so well for me this time.”

“Hey guys,” Jay’s voice suddenly appearing out of nowhere and sitting down at the booth, “How’s it going? Talking about anything interesting?"

Whitney gave him an evil look before turning back to Callum and speaking "Always friends though right?"

"Always," Callum squeezing her hand across the table, "if you ever need me. . ."

"And vice versa, if you need anything. . ." Her voice drifting off,. "Right now we just need some distance."

"Yeah,". Callum gave her a small sad smile as Jay suddenly became very invested in his phone and all sat in silence.

"Think I'm going to go join Tiffany," she said after a few minutes and getting up. "Been a while since we've had sister's night. See you soon?"

Callum stood up beside her to engulf her in a big hug "See ya soon Whit."

Watching Whitney walk to the other side of the Pub both men sat in silence, continuing that silence when Linda brought them over some pints with a smile for both before leaving.

"You okay?" Jay finally spoke.

"Yeah, I guess. Maybe? I don't know. I think so but it's all just," Callum pausing to take a big drink of his beer before going on "I just, I dunno, how much of a gong show my life has become. That I would be dealing with this stuff after coming out? I thought it would all be so easy afterwards, so straightforward, be with Ben and be friends with Whitney. And life has not worked out that way at all."

"Yeah, life's a bitch eh? Could be worst - you could be Ian and never get laid whereas everyone wants to have sex with you now" Jay said and after a moment both men were laughing out loud.

"You know how scared I was to sleep with Whitney? That I'd do it wrong? Seriously, most stressful night of my life. And then with Ben it's was so easy from the very beginning which made me so mad because it should have been that way with her."

"Dude, that's my brother, I only need to know so much."

"I'm not telling you details!!" Callum said turning a bright shade of red, "I just didn't know it could be like that before Ben. So easy. God, I just miss him.”

Jay spoke after a few moments of silence,"C'mon man, let's go play some darts. Loser buys drinks.'

"Alright, but I'm warning you Sharon's taught me some tricks since dating Ben and I'm no longer the worst player in the Vic."

"Dude, I'll believe it when I see it plus I beat Lola the other week. Go get some darts from Mick."

"That's cause Lola is the worst dart player around.” 

*******

"C'mon guys, I want a picture for our Instagram!!". Mick said holding up his phone, "everyone get together."

After an hour of playing horrible games of darts Lola, Kash, Tiffany, Keegan, Whitney and Tubbs were all gathered around betting on who sucked worst - Callum or Jay, when Mick spoke and all groaned in unison. 

"Mick, find someone else to torture with your Instagram pictures" Tiffany yelled while laughing

"I agree!" Keegan yelled before kissing his wife's neck.

"Mate you only agree cause you want to get laid" Mitch yelled across the pub.

"Dad!!" Keegan blushing before yelling, "shut up."

"Okay, okay," Mitch yelling while waving his hands, "you all drink here and need to support the place so you guys together to pose. I want a picture of friendly happy people!!"

With a groan, the entire group by the dart board moved into position. Callum grinning at Whitney and Tiffany as they stood on either side of him, putting his arm over their shoulders. 

"So much for distance". Whitney said with a laugh.

"I think this is okay."

"Plus I'm here to supervise" Tiffany said with a laugh causing Keegan to elbow her in the side. "Ow, fuck off. You aren't getting laid tonight” causing the entire group to laugh loudly.

"Take the fucking picture Mick," Lola called out. "And you owe us all drinks after!!"

"Alright, arms around each other and big smiles!!"

With everyone smiling at the phone arms around each other Mick took several pictures so he'd have one to put on Instagram. Once done, he yelled at Shirley and Linda to buy a round for the bar causing Shirley to call him an idiot and Linda to tell him to get his ass back behind the bar to serve people.

"Be right there,' he called back, " just gonna post this first."


	43. Chapter 43

"It looks like they’re having lots of fun," Linda said.

"Yeah, they've always gotten along well and giving him the number was a good idea," Mick replied.

Callum came out of the Vic's bathroom hearing Mick and Linda speak pausing not wanting to interrupt.

"I sorta thought they'd end together if I'm honest.". Linda's voice said. "They were such good friends after Paul, plus that time we caught them together."

"Well it didn't and we aren't talking about that. My brain still needs to be bleached."

"For God's sake Mitch so you saw your child in bed with another person get over it."

"All my children are pure and good who don’t have sex. Just like I let them believe they were created by immaculate conception. Works well for everyone.”

"You’re an idiot. Look at the pictures, they're having a good time."

Listening to the conversation Callum slowly slumping against the staircase. Johnny and Ben? They had been together? Mick and Linda thought they should be together? 

Did anyone think he and Ben should be together? Anyone besides him?

Pushing himself off the wall to walk into the area behind the bar and past Mick and Linda who were looking at her phone causing both to look up in surprise. 

“Oh Callum, umm, didn’t know you were there mate,” Mick said looking flustered.

“No worries, I’m just going to head out for the night. So, yeah, bye.” Not stopping except to grab his coat and walk out meaning to go home but ending up in the park. Their park. Collapsing on the bench, trying not to think of all the things they had done on the bench both on that first night and afterwards. Unable to stop himself, he pulled his phone out of his jacket to open up Instagram and searched for Johnny. Great, private so he couldn’t even snoop and if he made a request Johnny would know and maybe tell Ben. Ben, who he was apparently having a great time with in Dublin. Who Mick and Linda thought would have ended up with Johnny. Not Callum. No one seemed to think he and Ben would be together in the long run; least of all Ben. 

Fuck it. Callum hit the request button and lean back on the bench memories washing over him. The first time when he had ended up on his knees before Ben giving him that unsure clumsy blow job, how he had needed to have Ben’s hard cock in his mouth. To feel the weight of it, the coppery taste, hearing Ben groaning his name hand fisting Callum’s hair until he came in Callum’s mouth, the taste overwhelming Callum to the point that he had almost come untouched in his pants. Ben pulling him up and into a kiss, undoing Callum’s pants to wrap his hand around Callum’s hard cock to pump him causing him to come almost immediately. Since being together they had come back to this spot multiple times late at night to re-enact that first time in various ways. 

“Fuck,” Callum muttered shifting his now hard cock in his jeans, starting to get up to go home when his phone vibrated, a small part of him hoping it would be Ben but knowing better. Seeing the notification that Johnny had accepted his request, Callum took a deep breathe before opening the app and looking; curiosity raising over self preservation. 

The first picture had Johnny clearly taking a spinning selfie of the bar, which looked full of men, the next one of Ben and Johnny smiling out arms around each other with Ben raising his beer. The caption underneath reading:

Out for the night with an old friend!! Been a while since @bmitchell96 & I hung but here’s to good times tonight #partytime #dublingay #oldfriends 

Smiling Ben stared out at him, looking happy and having a good time. With Johnny. Not Callum. Unable to stop himself, he opened up Johnny’s stories to see a picture of Johnny alone, Ben waving his hand at the camera telling him to fuck off already, several more of Johnny with various people and one of Ben chatting to a tall blonde man who had hand on his arm with a big smile on his face laughing at something Ben had clearly said. Callum’s heart cracking in his chest, seeing Ben with someone else, smiling at someone else. Someone else putting his hands on Ben, something that had been for Callum alone. 

Turning his phone off, Callum forced himself off the bench and towards the apartment trying not to let his imagination run away with him. To not imagine Ben and Blondie nake, the sound Ben makes with Callum now being made with the other man and --. 

“Okay stop,” Callum said out loud while letting himself into the flat. “Just stop.” Throwing his jacket on the sofa on the walk to the bedroom to take off his clothes and get into the very empty bed. Thankfully he had changed the sheets early in the day, at least the bed didn’t smell as much like Ben anymore.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is enjoying this!! Thank you so much for the comments and kudos, is much appreciated. The end is in site, I promise!!

The ringing of his phone woke Callum up just as he finally had dozed off after staring at the ceiling for several hours, trying and failing to fall asleep. 

“Hello” he drowsily said into the phone.

“Nice picture of you and your BFF” Ben’s drunk voice in his ear. 

“Ben?”

“Started to think maybe I’d been wrong, that you were right and,” pausing to drink something from the sound in Callum’s ear, “maybe we’d work after all.”

“Ben we can make it work, you and me.”

“Yup, you looked pretty happy with her tonight, arms around each other smiling away. Looks like I was pretty right.”

“Ben that picture means nothing and I saw you having a great time tonight with Johnny,” Callum trying to not get angry and stay calm, not wanting to make the situation worse but unable to stop himself from commenting “Who you used to hook up with but never told me.”

“Jealous? I know what that’s like!” Ben’s sarcasm unmissable, “I spend the last 5 months being jealous of Whitney. Jealous of the fact she got ta have all the things I wanted except for the sex. Well, in fairness I’m very good at the sex part and I have the part she is missing.”

“Ben, please, can we just talk? I don't’ want to fight. I miss you.”

Silence on the other end of the line and for a moment Callum worried he had hung up.

“Ben?”

“I tried Johnny’s suggestion of get under someone to get over someone -”

“Ben please don’t do this,” Callum interrupted in a croaking voice, “please.”

“Didn’t do anything, didn’t even want to. Which is insane with you and Whit being all happy like. I thought breaking up would stop any hurt, make you one less person who left me since I left first. One less person who didn’t really want me. My mom, Phil and Paul.”

“Ben I’m not leaving you. I don’t want you to go anywhere and I want you. Every part of you.”

“Paul said that too but he left me,” Callum could hear the catch in Ben’s voice, “Loved me, promised to never leave and he left me. Never want to feel that again.”

“Ben,” Callum trying hard to prevent himself from crying for the man he loved so much and didn’t believe anyone would love him, “I’m not going anywhere. I love you. Only you. I’m not Paul.”

“I gotta go, gonna pass out now.”

“Ben, Ben don’t hang up. Let’s talk, please” Callum talking before realizing Ben had hung up. Frantically calling him back but no answer just Ben’s voicemail, which Callum had come to hate in the last week, and after the third try he hurled his phone across the floor with as much force as he could to watching it bounce off the wall and land with a thunk. 

Great, now I need a new fucking phone, Callum thought, cursing as he got out of bed to retrieve the now broken phone, Ben is going to buy me a new fucking phone. After I strangle him. Or hug him. And convince him that Callum wouldn’t leave, that he could trust him and love him safely. 

Unfortunately, at that moment Callum had absolutely no idea how to do that.


	45. Chapter 45

The next day, Callum sat in the Cafe going over Ben's call in his head, trying to figure out a way to get the other man to talk to him sober but a voice in the back of his head kept saying that maybe he wasn’t what Ben needed, maybe he couldn’t replace Paul, that it was a combination which he hadn’t been aware of. 

"What's the specials today Kathy" Phil’s voice breaking Callum’s thoughts, "worked up an appetite working at the garage. Without Ben the load is ridiculous, can't believe he left me high and dry."

"He needed some space, Phil, and you can have your usual sandwich with chips," Kathy said before turning away to put the order in. "Maybe your son should be more worried about your son's feelings and not how much more work he's causing you."

"He's a big boy, he's fine," Phil said than turning to see Callum. 

"Callum,' he said with a nod, sitting down at the table. "You heard from our Ben?"

"Umm well, we uh sorta broke up before he left."

"Right right knew that." Silence descended upon the table, Callum shifting uncomfortably while Phil took out his phone to scroll through it. 

After a few moments Phil spoke again, "Well probably for the best you and Ben. He ain't always the most reliable and the whole living together thing, wasn't sure how long that would last."

Callum sat in silence, not sure what to say so both sat in silence til Kathy brought out Phil's sandwich quickly followed with a pot of coffee to refill his cup. 

"You doing okay, love?" Kathy asking with a smile at Callum.

"Umm, yeah. Probably heading out soon, errand to run and all. Broke my phone and need to go get a new one" With a soft smile at him, she left and returned to behind the counter.

After a few more minutes of silence Phil spoke around his sandwich "Can't say I thought Ben would break up with you, thought it would be the other way around, figured you'd bail first. I mean, I love my son but he ain't exactly the commitment type, is he?" Looking at Callum for a response before continuing, 

"We live together??” Callum said not sure what else to say as Phil shrugged. 

“He’ll be back, never worry about Ben, always able to look after himself.”

“Because he never had anyone to look after him, doesn’t think anyone wants to stay around and love him,” came out of Callum’s mouth before he could stop it, earning him a glare from Phil. “Can’t really blame him considering everything.”

"You don’t know what you’re talking about, I love my son and raised him well. He never wanted for anything and Ben is a grown man now, can't keep blaming me for everything. I’m not to blame for this and ” Phil said glaring at Callum, “I know when to worry about my son, this is not a time to worry about him plus leaving me short manned was selfish regardless of the reason. Causing me no end of hassle.”

Callum's mouth dropped at that, at Phil's lack of concern for Ben and only for how it affected him and before he could stop himself words came angrily out before he could stop himself. 

"You know, your son is a wonderful, loving man who deserves all the love. But having you as a father is the worst thing that ever happened to him - it made him scared to trust or love or believe he deserves it. Maybe you could show just a bit of concern? Christ the only father worse than you is Johnno." Getting angrily to his feet before Phil could respond, storming out the door, bouncing it off the wall in a rage that Callum didn’t even know he had. 

Goddamnit, why had he allowed Phil to get under his skin? 

"Callum" Kathy's voice calling out behind him causing him to come to a halt, take a deep breathe and turn around.

"I'm sorry Kathy, I didn't mean to make a scene."

"No worries sweetie, I'll deal with Phil, don't you worry about that. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I am, I'm just so mad that Phil doesn't see how amazing he is. That Ben still worries what he thinks. And that, that," and before he knew what was happening Callum could feel the tears rolling down his face and unable to say anymore.

"Oh sweetie," Kathy said while wrapping her arms around his chest and pulling him in for a hug, Callum burying his head in her neck trying to not sob. "Ben knows you think he's amazing and love him. You guys are just having a bump in the road."

Pulling back, Callum gave a sarcastic laugh while wiping his eyes while speaking, "he dumped me and went to Dublin. Doesn't really feel like a bump in the road more like a concrete wall we've run into too."

"Just give him some time, he'll come around. I promise."

"What if he doesn't, what do I do then?" 

“Look, I know Ben can be,” she said, searching for the right word, “difficult with emotions but he does love you, I’ve seen it when you guys are together and when he talks about you. Plus he’s just been so happy, the first time since Paul.”

“Paul, yeah, I keep hearing about Paul,” Callum said bitterly, swiping his tears away with the sleeve of his jacket. “Wonderful perfect Paul who loved Ben better than anyone could, better than I can. That Paul wouldn’t let him feel second best to anyone, least of all his ex and everything would be better if Paul was still here.”

“Callum, I don’t think that’s really what anyone is trying to say or thinks; Paul and Ben were a long time ago and you can’t compare your relationship with Ben to that one. Each relationship is special in it’s own way and previous relationship don't lessen the importance of the current one. Paul helped Ben become the man he was meant to be - an out proud gay man but neither of them were perfect nor was their relationship. And don’t let anyone tell you differently,” Kathy said sternly.

“It’s hard when people keep going on about it, especially after he left. I mean, Ben and I have talked about Paul so I know how important he was to Ben and I never had an issue, I’m not jealous. I’m just, I dunno, I guess I didn’t know I had to live up to him. I didn’t know I was doing such a bad job of making Ben happy or that Ben was unhappy or that everyone but me knew Ben was unhappy. Hell, I didn’t know I could be that blind. That I failed so badly. And it just seems Paul would never have let any of this happen. I failed in a way that Paul never would or could because he would always put Ben first.”

“Oh Callum,” Kathy said sadly, “you didn’t fail, you had problems with balance and you aren’t the first person to have that happen, whether it be work/life or love life or just life in general but you can fix it. Nothing that isn’t fixable, especially if you want to fix it.”

“I do, I want Ben. Just Ben, He’s the most important person in the world with me,” Callum said vehemently. “I just don’t know how."

“Well, when you love someone as much as you love Ben and he loves you, cause he does I promise, there is always a way. Don’t give up on him Callum, please.”


	46. Chapter 46

Ben woke up gasping, heart pounding as the dream played behind his closed eyes and the feeling of desperation overwhelming him. Pushing himself up, sheet pooling at his hips, arms on his knees while resting his head on them, forcing himself to breathe slow and push the dream away.

So long. So long since he’d had that dream.

That goddamn nightmare. 

He and Paul in the alley, Paul getting beaten to death and him unable to get to him. Blood everywhere. Not able to do anything but watch as Paul died but this time Paul morphing into Callum being beaten to death. Callum bleeding everywhere. Callum dying and Ben unable to do anything except yell his name and beg them to stop. That he loved him and not to go. To not leave him.

Sitting up, rubbing his face to try and clear his head with little success. God, so long since he’d had that dream and woke up like this; since Callum really. And now for it to come back, re-living the worst day of his life with Callum instead of Paul, not able to save Callum anymore than he could save Paul made his heart pound again and his skin clammy. It all seemed to real.

Closing his eyes to take a deep breath to push the dream away, to get his thoughts under control, reminding himself that Callum was alive and well in Wolford in their apartment probably asleep in their bed. After all he talked to him before falling asleep, well passing out. Wait what? As an alcohol hazed memory of calling Callum came back to him and, no that had to be a dream too right, Ben thought while grabbing his phone to look and, fuck, he’s not that lucky as Callum’s number showed clear as day. 

Christ, why couldn’t that have been a dream? Okay, well maybe it hadn’t been a bad conversation? Hopefully? Unlikely, he thought with a groan, considering he had no filter sober much less drunk so anything could have come out of his mouth. Trying to remember what had been said and if he had mentioned Robert and the almost kiss but drawing a complete blank.

"I'm never drinking again." 

*******

Eventually falling back into a restless sleep until just before noon being woken by Lexi calling, giving him some much needed comfort and a smile as she went on about starting to pack and needing another suitcase to bring to Dublin. Ben loved listening to his daughter talk and tell him all her plans. 

“Daddy, are you listening to me?” Lexi’s demanding voice coming down the line.

“Yes baby I am,” Ben said only partially a lie.

“So I can enter the next pageant and you will buy me a new dress?”

“Uhh, well,” okay, maybe he hadn’t been listening that well just enjoying having her on the phone, “how about we talk about that after you come to Dublin.”

“But Daddy,” Lexi said in the voice that generally wrapped her father around her little finger.

“So why don’t you tell me about what book your reading now” Ben asking, desperately trying to change the subject away from the pageant's he wished his daughter wouldn’t love so much. 

After a few minutes of Lexi going on about for a few minutes about Anne of Green Gables and how she wanted red hair, Ben mentally noting to do a wikipedia check so he at least had a clue as to what his daughter was talking about, he interrupted her

“So you had fun book shopping with Callum?”

“Yeah, so much fun, can we go again?” Lexi pausing before continuing, “But not if it upsets you Daddy. I don’t want you guys to make you guys fight anymore. I know Callum said it wasn’t my fault but --”

“What are you talking about Lexi?” 

“Umm, well, I mean Callum said it wasn’t a big deal but you left after I asked if we could hang out together so you couldn't take me to the bookstore and you were yelling at Callum when he took me over the phone and he was really upset and I just didn’t mean to cause anything by asking if we could do more stuff together. Callum said it wasn’t my fault but I’m pretty sure it is. And I’m sorry if I promise to not ask again will you come home?” Lexi crying by the end into the phone and Ben almost in tears at his daughter’s tears. 

“Oh, Princess, no, no I didn’t leave because of you. You are the most important person in the world to me, I would never ever leave you if I didn’t have to and nothing you could do would make me leave.” Ben pausing to make sure he gave his daughter the comfort she needs, “You didn’t cause anything, anything that happens with Callum is between him and me. None of this, absolutely none of it is your fault in any way shape or form. He loves you, I love you.”

“Are you sure, Daddy,” Lexi sniffling on the other end of the phone, Ben’s heart breaking a little.

“Lexi Mitchell I love you more than anything in the entire world and nothing, ever, could ever change that. Nothing, you hear me?”

“Yes Daddy,” Lexi sounding a little better but Ben’s heartbreaking for causing her to think she was remotely responsible for any of this. “That’s what Callum said to me too.”

“Yeah, well, Callum’s pretty smart, just don’t tell him I said that,” causing Lexi to giggle. “Now do you want to hear what I planned for Dublin?”

“We are staying in a castle right??” With that comment, Lexi’s attention onto their trip the conversation once again and the realization that 

Once off the phone with Lexi, the weight of Lexi believing she could cause any of this, that it could be her fault overwhelming him. That she would blame herself had not occurred to him even though honestly, it should have as a kid he everything Phil had done had felt like a personal attack and Ben’s fault. The one thing Ben had vowed when becoming involved in Lexi’s life is that he would never ever have his daughter doubt his love or feel that he would leave her. Clearly, he had failed in that area. 

And Callum had comforted his daughter when he hadn’t even been aware of her suffering, had told her everything Ben would and had told her. Like a good guy would, like a guy who cared would. 

Before he could think about it and change his mind, Ben typed out a message to Callum and sent it. 

1:13 pm Text to Callum - Hey, you around?


	47. Chapter 47

Laundry, several more phone calls from Lexi, Jay and Lola combine with some mindless TV did help distract Ben from waiting for Callum to text him back but not alot. Whenever his phone rang he would jump but the ringtone never the one that he assigned to Callum. Two text messages came from Robert but he ignored both, not wanting to go further down that path than he already had. 

At 5pm he sent another:

5 pm - Text to Callum - Where you with Harry Potter?

At 6:30 pm he and Matt ordered in Chinese, eating and nursing a beer while watching some Grand Tour before heading to bed around 9:30 with still no message from Callum. 

10 pom - Text to Callum - Callum, are you there?

*******

“Hey Matt, going for lunch” Ben calling while walking by the office, “won’t be back afterwards.”

“Wait, what? It’s barely 1pm,” Matt asked coming out of the office, “we still have cars to work on.”

“Matt, I’ve worked my ass off for almost a week and a half now on these crappy cars and this is Johnny’s last day in town. I’m not coming back, Dude” Ben said with a smile.

“Alright, alright. Have a good time. I’ll see you later tonight, going to Trish’s for supper and to watch a movie.”

“See ya later mate.”

*****

An hour later, Ben had a table for him and Johnny, looking at his phone wishing it would ring but fearing it would. No text or calls from Callum, nothing since the one saying he loved Ben a few days ago and nothing in reply to what Ben had sent. The drunk phone call didn't count because, well, they never count especially when you don’t remember them. That could be why Callum wasn’t calling him back but Ben didn't really believe that, wasn't’ Callum’s style. 

Most likely Callum had finally accepted what Ben had done the right thing for both of them; best way to protect from future hurt. And Callum had finally seen that, everything would be easier now.

“Hey Ben,” Johnny said arriving at the table with a smile, “sorry I’m late got stuck in the office. Some people just won’t stop talking.”

“No worries, waitress said she’d be back soon as you got her. So done here now?”

“Yup, back to London tonight but I’m back here in a month. They want me here permanently and I’m going to have to think about, far from home.”

“Yeah but ain’t like you come to Walford that much anymore plus Dublin seems pretty cool,” Ben pausing as the waitress came to take their drink order, “I’d consider it if I didnt’ have Lexi.”

“Or Callum,” Johnny said quietly. 

“Don’t want to talk about that,” Ben said taking a long drink of his beer.

“Right, changing the topic, Saturday was fun hey? My head was killing me in the morning, we ain’t as young as we used to be,” Johnny said with a laugh causing Ben to laugh, easing any tension and the conversation flowing easily between them for the next two hours, eating and having a couple of beers. 

“It was really good to see you Ben,” Johnny said waiting for the waitress to put his card through. “And I’ve paid the bill, not you. Have to be some bonus to being a big time lawyer.”

“Thanks Johnny, didn’t have too.”

“Not a problem, I’m glad Dad gave me your numbers, can’t be this long again until we see each other.”

“Sounds good, we will for sure. Got numbers this time right? Definitely have some fun going out in London,” Ben said with a smile as they both got up to walk out of the Pub, a tight hug and both went seperate ways. 

Stopping for some beer on the way to Matt’s flat, Ben shortly found himself on the couch trying to find something to watch. Anything really, just something mindless. Eventually he drifted off as one does in front of the TV.

“Hey, got one for me?”

“Hmm,” Ben said waking up with a start, not realizing he had nodded off, blinking into the TV room light and the glow off the TV. “Matt, mate, go get your own beer, they're in the fridge.”

“I would, but I don’t know where they are?”

Ben finally woke up enough to look at the person speaking in the doorway, smiling a familiar smile The smile he missed so much witj those warm brown eyes that made his heart warm and twisted in longing

“Paul," a barely spoken whisper.


	48. Chapter 48

"Why is Half Wit here," Shirley said pausing to look at her watch," at 1pm. Does he not have a job? Are there no graves to be dug today?

"He's setting up his new phone and took the day off work" Mick said without blinking, long used to his mother's colourful turn of phrases, "so he's doing it here. Still trying to deal with the whole Ben stuff and such."

"He's still going on about that?? Said he and Whit weren't getting back together so that part of the pool lost money. Now it's whether or not he and Ben get back together."

"Your ability to be understanding never ceases to amaze me Mother," Mick said sarcastically while rolling his eyes before heading to the back to check the kegs.

********

Callum hates setting up new phones, it’s never as easy as they promise and having to sign back into everything while hoping to remember various passwords he's forgotten never goes well. His last phone had been an older Samsung and the new one a Pixel 4XL so had to download all his stuff from the Google cloud. Once upon a time he had been big on Apple phones but after one too many updates causing his phone to freeze and lose everything, he had moved to Android and Google. He had been planning to just get a Galaxy 10 but once the guy had started talking about the camera ability of the Pixel 4XL he had happily bought it. To take more pictures of Ben and Lexi.

But the setting up process continued to be a pain in the ass and, honestly, he kept waiting for one of the apps to ask for a blood sample and his first born to get a new password.

And he still hasn't heard from Ben. Nothing. Radio silence. A part of him had hoped once he had a phone again some sort of text would come in. Or a call. Or a smoke signal. Something. Anything. But nothing.

After the conversation with Kathy he wasn't willing to give up but, Callum thought with a frown, he had no idea how to proceed from here. Hell, he didn’t even know when Ben would be back in the neighbourhood for Callum to talk too. 

“Don’t you have a job?” Shirely asked while wiping down the table next to his, "and if you're going to just hang out here you need to drink something more than ice teas, we ain't making money on that."

"Mick said if was okay plus I've got food coming," Callum said defensively.

*Hmm, sure halfwit. So what's the scoop on your love life, pool's alive. Whatcha thinking?"

*Shirely please, I don't know. I mean Ben and I ain't really talking are we? And I don't know what to do to get him to talk to me. I've called and texted but nothing."

"God save me from this stupid generation," Shirley rolling her eyes at the ceiling. "He's only gone to Dublin."

"Yeah, so?"

"Well he ain't in Canada, is he?"

"Huh?"

"Holy Christ you really are a halfwit. He's in Dublin, it ain't far away so if you really want to talk go Ben GO TALK TO BEN," Shirley said, hands on the table staring directly in Callum's eyes.

Callum looking back at her in confusion. 

"Think about if," Shirley said with a sigh while turning to walk away. "Hopefully, it'll come to you. And maybe I'll win the pool if you get your head out of your ass."


	49. Chapter 49

"Paul."

"Hey you, going to get me a beer?" Paul smiling while speaking, "I dunno know where they are..

"Umm, yeah in the kitchen. Just over there" Ben said while waving his hand in the general direction. Watching Paul walk over, hearing him open the fridge and open a bottle before coming back into view. "Christ, how much have I drank?"

And does it matter if Paul’s here?

"Home for the night?" Paul asking as he sat down on the couch beside Ben and putting his beer on the living room table.

"I - well yeah" Ben said stuttering, "but I'm clearly drunk and dreaming."

"Good dream right," Paul said with a smile as he took another sip of his beer, leaning back on the sofa and smiling at Ben.

"Yeah," Ben said after a beat, "the best dream.". Putting his arm over Paul's shoulder to pull him in, settling Paul against his chest. Head on his shoulder. Letting himself breathe in that special scent that was Paul.

The coconut stuff he used in his hair mixed with the citrus, woodsy cologne that made Ben's heart beat faster.

"God, I miss you."

"Me too," Paul said with his head on Ben's cheat. "I miss this. Those night's it was just us and talking about everything, God I miss that."

The next few minutes were silent as Ben buried his head into Paul's hair, breathing in deep. Hugging him close so he couldn't go away.

"You know for a long time you worried me," Paul said quietly.

"Hmm?" Ben said, too lost in the smell and feel of Paul to really pay attention.

"After I left, you were so broken. And all I wanted was to come back, to promise you it would all work out. But I couldn't," Ben now listening as Paul continued to speak, "and you were so sad. But when you finally started to get involved with Lexi I knew you were on the right path. You know she's just like you right?"

"Lexi is the best parts of me," Ben said. "I wish you and her could have been friends. You guys would run circles around me."

"Me too. And we so would. You'd be paying for us to go for Mani pedis all the time," Paul said with a soft laugh while taking a drink of his beer. 

The two men sat in silence after that, a comfortable silence that Ben wanted to keep. To never leave.

"I've worried less about you this past year. With Callum. Watching you two, it made me happy. Knowing you were happy."

"I don't want to talk about Callum," Ben said, trying to keep the snark out of his voice but unable to. "Can't we just be here? Just us?"

"Sure," Paul said turning his head go look up at Ben and smile. "Just us,". Ben leaning down to kiss him on those lips. Those soft lips that drew him in every time until his hand was on the back of Paul's head, their tongues twisting around each other and Ben giving a small moan. 

"You really are the best kisser," Paul said gasping when they came up for air, "I didn't forget that part."

Ben gave a laugh into Paul's hair "We were good at everything. You got me in ways no one ever had before or since."

"Callum does," Paul said quietly before both drifted into silence. 

God, it had been so long since he had dreamed of Paul like this. The two of them together, Paul's smell wafting over him and him in his arms. Ben just wanted to savour it as long this dream lasted. Not think or talk about Callum.

After a few moments Paul finally spoke "I put a lot of effort into you, Ben Mitchell."

"What?" 

"You were a lot of work," Paul said with a grin. "A LOT of work"

"Well maybe if wasn't always easy but not that much work."

Paul sat up, laughing and looking at Ben, "You had a girlfriend you kept sleeping with despite knowing you were gay just to prove to your Dad you weren't. You slept with various men, unprotected, and got an STI. There was a fake pregnancy, for God's sake. You were a lot of work, mate. And a lot of faith that you were worth it. That we were worth it."

"Okay, well when you put it like that . . ." Ben trailing off and looking everywhere but at Paul.

Before he knew what had happened, Paul sat on his lap, legs on either side of his. 

"I never regretted it. Not a moment," Paul said smiling down at him, "loving you was worth all of that and more. Loving you was the best thing I ever did." Leaning down to kiss him, a position they had kissed in so many times in the past.

A few minutes later both came up for air, gasping, Ben's hands buried in Paul's curly hair like they used too. Paul leaning forward to rest his forehead on Ben's while they sat in silence, breathing heavily.

"I put a lot of work into you, Ben Mitchell. And you don't get to turn you back on that because you're scared," Paul said with his hands on either side of Ben's face forcing him to look at him.

"Paul, I -"

"Loving you wasn't always easy but it was always, always worth it. The best thing that ever happened to me was meeting you. And getting you to love and accept who you are made all the heartache, frustration and anger worth it. You, Ben Mitchell, are what I am most proud of in my life."

“You left me.”

“I didn’t want to but sometimes you don’t get a choice. And you don’t get to give up because of that. I put too much work into to you for that to happen.” 

"Callum will leave, like everyone leaves. Like you left," Ben stated this as a fact, like there was no room for debate. "I get I'm never the most important but I can't sit by and watch Whitney be the most important. He needs someone who is okay with that and I - I can't get over someone twice. Losing you almost killed me. I can't do that again."

"Ben, you need more faith in yourself. You need more faith in the people who love you."

"You left me," Ben said quietly, "there was nothing I could do and I know it isn't your fault but you left. You promised to never leave and you did."

"I didn't have a choice."

Silence ran deep between the two men, remembering the day Paul had died. How horrible it had been.

"I'm sorry,". Ben said quietly. "I'd do anything to change that day. To not have any of it happen."

"Oh, Ben sometimes things happen. Horrible awful things that you can't change, if it had been up to me, I'd of been with you forever. But it wasn't."

"I wish you could be."

"Maybe, but you wouldn't have met Callum then. And watching you be happy with him has made me so happy. But you don't get to hide behind me," Paul said sternly as Ben looked at him questioningly.

"I can't let myself be hurt like that again," Ben said quietly. 

"Ben Mitchell," Paul said while roughly grabbing Ben's face, "you listen to me, no one thinks you are second best. Ever. I loved you best. Abi loved you best despite how you treated her. Jay loves you best over everyone. And Callum, Callum loves you more than anyone. You don't get to hide behind me anymore. You don't get to do that to me and how much I love you."

"Paul, I --"

"Ben Mitchell, I love you. I love everything about you and you don't get to be a shit about all the work I put into you and run away. If you really love me you'd not forget that."

"Yeah, but. . ."

"Look at me," Paul said while holding his face, "repeat after me - I, Ben Mitchell, will get my head out of my ass"

"Seriously?" Ben laughing

"Say it."

"Okay, okay, I, Ben Mitchell, will get my head out of my ass"

"And promise to not waste all the effort Paul put into me," Paul said, glaring at Ben until he repeated that back while rolling his eyes.

Paul leaned down, capturing Ben's lips before saying, "You are the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Please don't leave, I can't do this without you," Ben begged.

"Yeah you can. I promise you can, and I'm never that far away. I like watching you happy with Callum," Paul smiling at him as he spoke. "Be happy Ben."

"I'm happy with you."

"No, with me you're frozen. Be happy now. Don't ever give up on what you deserve."

"Paul," Ben said trying to hold onto the disintegrating form, "don't leave."

"That sound is your future and you need to get it."

"Paul"

"Remember Ben, loving you was the best thing I did. And now your future is at the door" Paul said with a smile as he leaned down to kiss Ben. "You should go answer that."

Ben woke up with a start at the banging on the door.


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed the last chapter, I think Paul was the only person who could really get through to Ben. Thanks to everyone for the comments and kudos, it really makes you keep going!!
> 
> !!!!!
> 
> I made a very large mistake originally of saying Dublin is part of the UK, it is NOT!! This is like saying Canada is the 51st state (we are NOT) and I apologize for the mistake. it has been fixed. I thank those that brought it to my attention, I hang my head in shame as Ben would hang me over a bridge for that.

Ben lifted his head with a start, blinking into the light, for a minute not sure where he was. Or what that noise was.

"Paul," his whispered into the light of the TV, looking around but knowing there would be no answer. He needs a moment to digest that, the smell of Paul still in the air and, when he looks, two beers on the living room table. "What the fuck?"

And still the pounding on the door continues, breaking him from his revere and getting him off the couch. 

"For fuck's sake Matt, I hear you. Stop banging already," Ben yelled while walking to the door and swinging it open. 'Forget your fucking keys again?"

"I don't have keys," said the man smiling at him hesitantly. "But hoping you'll invite me in?'

"Callum," Ben said to the man in the doorway. "You're here."

*""***"**

Callum stared at Shirley walking away, her voice echoing in his head, "He's only gone to Dublin."

"If you want to go talk go Ben, go talk to Ben."

Ben's only in Dublin, he hasn't gone to the other side of the world. Hell, there are flights there every day from London airport. All day and late into the night.

Before he could stop himself, Callum had booked a flight to Dublin for later that day. Leaving at 5pm, enough time to throw stuff in a knapsack, and get to the airport. And to call Lexi for Ben's address, to which her only response had been "about bloody time" before giving it to him. Than a text to Jay saying he was going to Dublin to talk to Ben and not sure how long he'd be away for.

1:18 pm - Text from Jay - Fucking finally, go.

"Where ya going, Callum," Mick calling as he rushed by the bar on the way to the door.

"Umm, Dublin," Callum said turning to look at him standing with Shirley. "Gonna go talk to Ben."

"Good for you, son," Mick said with a grin. "I'll keep an eye on your guys' place."

"Thanks Mick. And Shirley, thanks for what you said cause you're right," Callum said with a soft smile before rushing out.

"What'd you do Mum? Mick asked turning to look at her suspiciously.

"Not much, told him if he wanted to talk to Ben to go talk to him. He's in Dublin not Canada for God's sake, such a dumbass." Glaring at her son before saying, "plus I got money riding on this ain't I? Not gonna lose good money."

"Ah, Mum, you ain't the battle axe you pretend to be," Mick said with a laugh while turning away to help a new customer as Shirley threw the wet clean up rag at the back of his head , watching it bounced off causing he turned to laughing at her even more.


	51. Chapter 51

Callum didn’t let himself stop long to think about what he actually was doing until on the flight to Dublin, with his long body squished into the window seat, and the reality set him. On his way to see Ben. Ben who had made no effort to text, call or speak to him since the other night’s drunken phone call and Callum wouldn’t place money on whether or not he remembered doing it. 

Opening up his text messages, he reviewed the address Lola had given him and Googled it, again, for how to get there. Wondering if Ben would be there or out somewhere. Or with someone. Or happy to see him. Or tell him to fuck right off. All options causing him to worry but he thought sitting up straighter or as straight as possible in the small sit with limited leg room, the only way to fix this would be to talk. Face to face. 

Giving up after everything after everything they had been through would not happen, not without a big fight on Callum’s part, and being honest with himself, he had not put up much of a fight so far. Just letting Ben make all the decisions, take all the action with him just not fighting. No wonder Ben believed Callum wouldn’t fight for them, for him, he hadn’t. 

Callum’s stress level rose as he exited the plane, no luggage as he had just thrown his stuff in a knapsack, and got a cab to go to the address. THe drive silent despite his cabbie’s effort’s to talk, giving up with his lack of response. 

“Okay, here ya are,” the driver said giving him an amount, paying it with his credit card while taking deep breaths to open the car door and walk up to the door of the small house which had lights on in the front though he couldn't see anything through the windows. Or anyone. 

“You can do this,” speaking softly to himself. “You can do this. You can knock on the door and talk to the man you love. Maybe punch him once for being an ass.”

Raising his arm to knock firmly on the door and waited. 

Nothing, not a sound. No sound of anyone getting up or moving. 

Waiting a few more minutes he pounded harder, with the lights on someone had to be there. Hopefully.

Still nothing. 

Fuck.

This time Callum pounded on the door, determined to ensure either someone heard him or that no one was in the house. And, finally, he heard a noise and a voice. Ben’s voice yelling something about keys and coming. The door opening to Ben standing there, looking sleepy, slightly confused, hot and making his heart pound. 

"I don't have keys," he said smiling hesitantly, "But hoping you'll invite me in?'

"Callum," Ben said staring at him, "You're here."


	52. Author's note

So, the next of Chapters involve alot of talking (and yelling) which I'm working very hard on to ensure it stays in character. I've gone back to watch scenes to help with that. The boys are getting their HEA bit they have some serious stuff to work out first. Also, sex. And I've done some re-reads to ensure that I'm covering everything I brought up through the story previously.

So I have not abandoned this fiction I love so much and am so happy others have loved it too!! So cool!!

Also, I don't think we've seen the last of Paul bit that I'll leave to your imaginations for now . . .


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some yelling, but it's good they are at least talking right? Right??
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has read, commented and liked this story. I appreciate it so much. I have an idea for a #gallavich one bit not til this is one is over.

Both men stared at each other, the silence lengthening as no one spoke.

“Hey,” Callum finally said again quietly.

“Hey,” Ben replied, standing in the doorway but not letting Callum enter. 

“Hey,” Callum said again weakly a few minutes later.

“You said that already,” Ben said with a smirk, “what are you doing here Callum? How did you even know where to find me?”

“Oh, umm, Lola. Gave me the address, didn’t she.”

“Okay.”

More silence until Callum spoke again, not sure if it was seconds or minutes or hours, “Can I come in?”

“Why,” Ben asked trying to keep his walls up and not what Callum arriving on Matt’s door could mean. 

“I want to talk, rather not do it out it. Kinda cold,” he said while gesturing up at the grey sky, “plus don’t need all the neighbours watching do we?”

“Never really cared much about what others think to be honest.”

“C’mon Ben, we need to talk and I flew all the way here,” Callum said the exasperation clear in his voice and Ben’s not sure if it’s that or that Callum flew here or that Callum is simply here but stands back against the door to gesture him into the small house. 

“Hang your coat up in the closet and make sure you take your shoes off. Matt is anal about no shoes in the house,” Ben said, gesturing while walking into the house with Callum following once finished once done instructed.

“Nice place,” Callum said from the middle of the TV room, looking around. “So, this is where you’ve been staying?”

“Yeah, Matt and I go way back. Knew each other in juvie, kept in touch, he moved here a couple of years ago.” Both men standing awkwardly, neither sure what to say next. 

“Is Matt home?” Callum asked, gesturing to the 2 beers on the table, sitting by side by side on the table.

“Oh, umm, no. He’s not home. That was early, well earlier, well just before you got here but now - you know what? Doesn't matter,” Ben stammered out, grabbing the two beers and taking them to the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

“Umm, okay,” Callum said not sure whether to stand or sit. Had he interrupted something? Was someone here with Ben? Should he suggest coming back? If he did, would he come back? Would Ben want him to leave?

“So, sit. You look lost and that’s not really possible in here,” said Ben as he sat on one end of the couch, watching Callum sit as far away as he could as more awkward silence descended between them.

“Lola said she and Lexi are coming down on the weekend? You must be looking forward to that? Lola said Lexi is really excited, can’t wait to see you. What is the plan?”

“Yeah, can’t wait to see her. We’re staying at Clontarf Castle, supper and shopping plus I’m going to surprise them with a mani/pedis.” Ben said with a smile, “Proper family vacation, right?”

“Yeah, sounds fun. Not sure I can see you getting a mani/pedi though?” 

“Well, I had one before, Paul and I got one. He dragged me but I liked it. Didn’t get to have another,” Ben said wistfully, his eyes getting a far away look. 

“Sounds like a good memory,” Callum said, trying to sound positive and not let the mention of Paul give him more doubts. 

Silence descending again.

“Why are you here Callum,” Ben finally spoke. 

“I want to talk. Really talk. Not text or calls where we yell at each other or drunk calls but talk face to face.”

“I’m not sure we have much to say.”

“Well, I do. You got your say before you left and I didn’t get any say. Hell, I barely had time to react and you’re gone. Gone to Dublin, not talking to me and telling me that it was all for the best. You're not the only one in this relationship Ben, you don’t get to make all the decisions.”

“I think you made your decision even if you didn’t realize it, Whitney is the most important and it isn’t fair to anyone to pretend otherwise. I did us all a favour,” Ben said. 

“Not me, you didn’t do me a favour. Doing me a favour would have been saying ‘Hey Callum, we need to talk because we have a problem.’ That would have been the helpful, grown up thing to do. Not dump me and run away,” Calum’s voice getting angrier, ““Look I get I messed up, badly as has been pointed up numerous times by numerous people over and over again, but I want to change that. I have changed that but I’m not totally at fault here. You could have made more of an effort to talk to me.”

“I did try to fucking talk to you Callum,” Ben said angrily getting up off the couch, “you told me, and I quote, ‘Whitney is best friend, important to me’ and walked away. Tell me how I should have thought any of that was open for discussion? I’m sorry, did I miss the part where you are asked me ‘Why Ben, whatever do you mean? Why would you feel that way? Why Ben why would you feel like you’re the mistress in your own relationship?’ Sorry if that just didn’t feel like an option if we were going to be together.”

“I didn’t know you felt that way,” Callum said softly.

“Yeah, well, doesn’t really matter now does it?

“It does to me, I don’t want you to feel that way. Like you’re, I dunno, some third wheel in our relationship, certainly not like you’re my mistress. Or something. Is there not a better word? I feel like some 18th century wanker saying that.” 

“Mantress?” Sarcasm dripping out of Ben’s mouth, “At least I'd gotten financial benefit from that, had to pay rent with you didn’t I?”

“Don’t be an ass, Ben. Just for once,” Callum said quietly before putting his head in his hands, “you know I didn't mean to make you feel like that.”

“Oh bullshit. You like having it all the ways. Me for sex, her for everythign else. It never even occurred to you that it shouldn’t be that way -"

"Okay, enough, you know that's not true," Callum said angrily, "I didn't handle any of this well but I didn't deliberately set out for this to happen."

"Could've fooled me when you went to Whitney's and didn't come home."

"Alright, you got your say and now I get mine," Callum said standing to glare at Ben, "you're making it sound like I went to Whitney for no reason, that I just abandoned you. You got me arrested. Fucking arrested. In the birthday present you bought me and said, with a straight face, was legit. That I didn't have anything to worry about." 

Ben briefly opened his mouth to speak but seeing the look on Callum’s face decided otherwise. Only fair that Callum got his say as well. 

"Arrested on the day I'm going to meet Vicky to help with the fundraiser. The fundraiser YOU encouraged me to do in Chris's memory, to honour him and how we felt about each other now when I couldn't before. ” Callum said, his anger with Ben coming back with the memory, “That doesn’t get to be pushed aside, I get to be pissed, I get to walk away and go talk to a friend.”

“Look, I”m sorry about that but - ”

“Really? Because it doesn't really seem like you are; more that it gave you the excuse you were looking for to bail on me. On us. Like it made you happy in some twisted way. And I don’t get to be mad about any of it, I’m supposed to just come here, talk but pretend that it is all my fault and you are just the injured party.” Callum saw more than heard Ben mumble something “What did you say?”

"I said fair enough," he said more clearly, "but you didn't even want to talk to me. You basically told me fuck off, in a nice Callum way, and spent the night there. With your ex -finance. Who, let's be honest, you spend more time with me and -."

"I wasn't really done talking," Callum interrupting.

"Okay, what else is there? I'm mad that you always want to be around Whitney and it never even crossed your mind that it could be a problem. Your mad I got you arrested, didn't mean to, and screwed everything up. I think that covers it pretty well," Ben said with a sigh sitting back down on the couch, the anger draining out of him. A few minutes later, Callum sat down beside him, closer than before but still distance between them as neither spoke for a few minutes.

"Why did you get me the car? I never really asked for one and it seemed so out of the blue. And I don't mind that you're dodgy, more interesting yeah, but you've always said you'd keep me out but tell me if you had too. Just, I just don't understand why you'd do something like that," Callum shaking his head, "it makes no sense."

"I dunno, I just thought you'd like one. And that one's big enough for your giant legs so you wouldn't be all crunched up. And I thought it'd be nice for you to have something of yours. Something only I -" Ben's voice trailing off. 

"Something only you what?" Callum turning his head to look at Ben with curiosity. 

"Doesn't matter, I just thought you'd like it."

After a few moments of silence Callum softly said, "You mean something only you, not Whitney could get me."

"Maybe, I mean Whit ain't going to buy you a car is she? Runs that stall and I have a car lot, and just thought, I dunno, that I could do something she couldn't. That I could make you happy in a way she couldn't, that you'd appreciate it. And maybe I didn't ask all the questions I shoulda of," his voice trailing off as silence overtook them again.

"Before Whitney I always felt so alone and unlovable. Johnno never wanted anything to do with me, my mom took off and Stu, regardless of our relationship now, didn't want me around him. And I couldn't admit what I felt for Chris, but Whitney, God, she fit everything I thought I wanted. I thought she could fix what was wrong with me."

"I know the story Cal, active participant remember?"

"I know but this isn't about what happened up to the wedding, it's what happened afterwards."


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For story purposes - Callum was a virgin when he first got together with Whitney, I didn't have the time nor inclination to find out if this was true as it works well for my purposes. Also the current story Keanu/Phil being an ass who makes his kids commit murder is not part of this simply because it didn't' exist when I first started and it is much too late to incorporate it without something seemingly wildly of place. Also I hate Keanu & Lou so I'm happily pretending they are off screen together doing something I don't care about :)

“I don’t understand,” Ben said, “what happened afterwards? Everything was fine afterwards, you and Whit, you and I, for a while any ways.”

“Yeah, you and I were okay, Whit and I were okay but everything that went down with Leo. Stuff I didn’t tell -”

“What didn’t you tell me?” Confusion clear on Ben’s face as he spoke, “you’re habit of sharing everything is half of the problem; what don’t you share?”

“I just felt so bad afterward with Witney. Leo came back, not telling her who he was, stalking her, getting a stall at the Market - I felt so responsible for it. For her not feeling safe, for hurting her, not keeping her safe and letting Leo cause such damage. And I felt so guilty about everything, about being so happy afterward and for ruining the first real friendship I ever had. And I didn't know how to fix it."

"You didn't ruin it Cal, you just stopped lying to everyone, yourself included," Ben said while trying to not give in to the urge to touch Callum, comfort him in some way. "Whitney knew that, maybe not right away but eventually."

"Did you know Whitney was the first person I ever slept with?"

"Wait, ever? Like Whitney is the only woman you've ever slept with?? No one else?? What about when you were in the military? You must have -"

"No, nobody before Whitney," Callum pausing to look at Ben, who stared at him before continuing "Growing up, I kissed a couple of girls but it always felt so weird. Too much, I dunno, too much perfume, too much the wrong person and I never knew why. But when I met Whitney, this beautiful woman who wanted me over everyone, kissing didn't feel so weird. I still didn't understand why people wrote songs about it but I knew it was the normal thing to do. What I should be doing."

"I get that, I was that for years," Ben said quietly, "I mean, I always knew I was gay but didn't stop me from having a whole living together relationship with Abi to fit into what my Dad wanted. Still had guys on the side and such but -. She's really the only woman you've ever slept with??"

"She was the only person I've been with beside you.”

“Well, I knew you hadn’t slept with any other blokes but not even in the army? On breaks from the army? Out of pure curiosity? That’s how Lexi came to be, Lola asked how I could be sure I was gay if I hadn’t slept with any girls, we slept together and poof I knew for sure I was gay but could still get women preganant. Quite an awakening.”

“I didn’t doubt my ability to get a woman pregnant Ben, I know how sex works,” Callum said rolling his eyes, “I’m not stupid.” 

“So, I”m not quite sure I understand where you are going with this,” asked Ben, looking very confused.

“Okay, so with Whitney I thought I was finally going to have everything I should have - the wife, the kids, the life Johnno said I should have. But you came along and I couldn’t deny it anymore, how I felt about you and didn’t feel about her. God, how I wanted you in ways I didn’t want her, ways I should have wanted her. And I know now there is no ;should,’ “ holding up his hand to stop Ben before he could speak, “but then and after the wedding it was hard.”

“Having her be so angry with me, someone who had finally loved me after feeling like no one had, was hard. Watching her at first be with Leo so soon after she dumped me was hard and, I didn’t tell you this part, jealous. Which is ridiculous, I know, but I couldn't help it. But when she beleived I could be involved in that video and any sexual assault even worst because the person I trusted the most thought the worst of me, well, I couldnt’ stand it, I needed to fix it.”

“Right, so you’ve never actually moved on from Whitney,” Ben said trying to not let any of the disappointment or rage come through his in his voice. Or hurt. 

“No, that’s not what I'm saying, I know it sounds like that, just please listen to me Ben,” Callum asked. “I don’t want to be with Whitney I want to be with you but I’ve never had any of these experiences before. Breaking up, whether to be friends or not, moving on. All of this is new to me. All I knew was that I wanted to be with you but I didn’t want to lose Whitney or her friendship. So, once she started to show signs of wanting to be friends again and trusting me, I threw myself into that without any thought of how it might affect you or us. Honestly, I didn’t think it would.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say Callum,” Ben said quietly as the other man fell silent, and he really didn’t. He got it, kind of, but it didn't change where they were today.

“Nothing, just listen. Please. Once Whitney and I started to be friends again I didn’t want to lose it or her trusting me again. So I did whatever I could to keep that. To show her I could be trusted again but in doing that I made you feel like you didn’t matter which isn’t what I wanted to do. I didn't mean to do that. I just thought we were good, that after what we had been through to be together and we were happy and on the same page. It never occured to me that you would need as much support as I do. That you would doubt that you are the most important person in my life.”

“And,” Callum continued quickly as Ben looked ready to speak, “I was wrong. So very wrong. Wrong to show Whitney know she can trust me by sharing all of our life with her, by talking to her about whether or not she thought the apartment was appropriate and we should live there. And I definitely should absolutely NOT have talked to her about your Hearing Doctor’s appointment, that is between us, just us and, I get why that means you can’t trust me. Trust that I put your first, that I will always choose you.”

“Callum, I don’t know ---” but Callum cut him off before he could continue. 

“I want to earn that back, to prove to you can trust me. Trust that I won’t leave, that I love you. Just, can you just give me a chance to do that?” And for the first time since arriving, Calum did what he could no longer stop himself, he put his hands on either side of Ben’s face, looking into his eyes trying to convey all the love, sorrow and plea for a second chance in them and his voice. 

“Please Ben, just give me, us a chance.”


	55. Chapter 55

He could see how much Callum meant what he said, feel it and all Ben wants to do is believe him, he honestly did.

“Have you got a place to stay” he asked instead, safer question and answer. 

“What? A place to stay?” Callum asked looking confused at the topic change.

“Yeah, well, if you don’t, or if you do but want to, you can stay here. Conch is a pull out and, maybe, I dunno, we can have breakfast before I go to the garage? Or something. Unless you’ve got an early flight back,” the prospect of that dawning on Ben as he said it, that this was just some quick trip. 

“Flight tomorrow? No, I didn’t even book a return flight. I mean, not that I expected anything or anything like that or that we would just, well you know, I didn't really expect anything. I just booked the flight and, well, here I am,” Callum babbled while blushing. “I just came to see you, I didn’t really get beyond that part.”

With a low laugh, Ben said “It’s okay, I’m glad you did. Why don’t you stay here. Couch is a pull out, I’ll text Matt to let him know your here and maybe tomorrow we can hang out? You don’t have to go home tomorrow, do you?”

“No, I don’t,” Callum said with a small smile, “I can stay as long as you want.”

“This doesn’t mean anything has changed Callum, just friends --”

“I know, just we can hang out right? Just us?”

“Yeah,” Ben said with a smile, “we can do that. I got a couple pubs I could show you after work tomorrow, plus you should investigate the city. It’s pretty cool, I’ll be back.” Walking out of the room to answer his ringing phone. 

**********

He would not go downstairs, drag Callum up to his bed to fuck him senseless til Callum couldn’t think and Ben forgets all their problems. Absolutely not. No matter how hard his dick got or that when he had briefly fallen asleep he’d dreamed of the noises Callum made when Ben took him apart, Ben rimming him while Callum begged to be fucked, for Ben to fuck him.

Fuck. 

Ben rolled onto his side, trying to think of anything else. Something else. Okay, Ian talking to him about politics, droning on, droning on while wearing a bathing suite. And that killed his erections pretty quickly. How Ian every got anyone to sleep with or marry him was beyond Ben, and further thoughts like that would likely kill any future ability he had to get a hard on. 

The creaking from the living room, Callum likely moving on the pull out, drifted up the stairs bringing tonight’s conversation, his happiness at having Callum just so up, just to see him but having to hear how badly Callum wanted to be friends with Whitney, that, well, that had not been the best part of the conversation. But the part of wanting to earn back Ben’s trust had made, was making right now, his heart beat fast and longing for that to happen. Feelings he wanted to push down, not allow to grow so he wouldn’t be hurt again. 

Have a little faith, said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Paul. Christ now he wasn't only dreaming about Paul again but hearing him in his head. Maybe he was drinking too much. Or not enough. 

Or maybe, he could just have a little faith in Callum. See what happened. Maybe he really meant everything about just not knowing how to balance, about wanting to earn Ben’s trust back and trying again. Maybe . . .


	56. Chapter 56

“Hey, Cal, you gotta wake up. Callum” Ben’s voice breaking through his sleep, Callum rolling over to reach for the voice, not wanting to get up, wanting the voice to stay in bed.

“Come back to bed,” he mumbled hand reaching for Ben. 

“Callum, I’m going to work, you need to wake up,” Ben said with a chuckle while shaking his shoulder, “Maybe another time.”

Blinking awake, the first minute not knowing where he was, just that Ben sat beside him with a smile and that this wasn’t their bedroom. Blinking quickly before it all came back to him and where he was, Matt’s living room on the pull out. Somehow despite all the tossing and turning the night before he had managed to fall asleep and pretty soundly if he hadn’t heard Ben get up or anything. 

“What time is it?”

“8am, Matt and I are off to the garage to work. Just thought I’d let you know so you didn't wake up wondering what was going on. Thought maybe I’d try to take off early and we could hit the pub or go see some sites, whatever you want. I haven’t seen much besides pubs and work since I’ve got here, so think about it and let me know. And I’ll introduce you to Matt,” Ben said waving at someone as he stood that Callum couldn’t see.

“Hey Callum, nice to meet you,” said the tall blond man walking around Ben enough for Callum to see him, the tall good looking man who Ben had been living with for the last week and a bit. "Hope that pull out wasn't too horrible to sleep on, really got it to ensure my sister doesn't stay forever with her kids when they visit."

"Yeah, no it's fine. Thanks for letting me stay, right."

"No worries, yours as long as you want it or your back can hold out; whichever happens first" Matt said with a genuine smile, "but we gotta go Ben. New shipment of cars came in today and if we want to close early gotta get going."

"Yeah, right behind you," he called as Matt walked out the door. "So, listen, eat whatever you want, lots of restaurants and such around here just leave by the back door and don't lock it so you can get back in. Umm, just text me if you need anything otherwise we'll be back after work and go from there. Probably around 2pm, that okay?"

"Sure," Callum said, "umm have a good day? Text me and keep me posted?". 

Causing Ben to look at him oddly before speaking "Sure but will you reply? You didn't the other day, so maybe just text me?"

"What are you talking abo--?" But before he could continue Matt was yelling at Ben to get his ass in gear and Ben was leaving saying he'd see him after work the door shutting behind him. Right, something to be cleared up later he thought while flopping back in the bed, shutting his eyes and hoping sleep would take him again, at least for a little bit.

He woke several hours later with the sun shining in the front window, the need for a shower overwhelmed him. A couple of towels beside the couch, Ben must have put them knowing Callum would want a shower and that he was a ‘must shower every morning regardless’ man; Ben found it hysterical that he wouldn't even go for breakfast at Kathy's cafe without a shower first. The memories of talking Ben into taking showers with him, a wet, naked Ben on his knees in front of him assaulting Callum as he stepped under the hot stream of water. 

Maybe this should be a cold shower. . . 

Post shower Callum casually walked through the small house, telling himself he was just curious about where stuff and not at all snooping, looking into one clearly well lived in room that had to be Matt’s, so the one across the hall with the messy suitcase on the floor, bed not made and the slight smell of the cologne that Callum loved so much. Walking back to the kitchen, he grabbed his phone to send a message to Ben. 

11:20 am - Text to Ben - Hey, going to grab some lunch, maybe I’ll drop by afterwards?

11:25 am - Text from Ben - No lunch break today, more cars than we thought, only way to be back @ decent time. Meet you at house at 5pm? Pub with Matt afterwards?

11:27 am - Text to Ben - Sounds good

Staring at his phone, wanting to ask why Matt was coming but not wanting to push Ben, they were on some sort of path and staying on it the most important part. 

11:30 am - Text to Ben - Where’s a good place to eat? And read cause just started Prisoner of Azkaban so want somewhere I can have lunch and hang out to read a bit 

11:35 am - Text from Ben - Still reading those?

11:36 am - Text to Ben - Yes, totally hooked. Hoping we can watch the movies once home?

That wasn’t too much pressure, Callum worrying, not sure whether to hit send or not. 

11:38 am - Text from Ben - Watched the movies yet?

Callum hit the send button.

11:40 am- Text from Ben - Try Boar’s Head, google map it, a 10 min walk. 

******

"Remind me, again, why I'm on a date with you and your boyfriend," said Matt between drinks of his beer. "And why I had to talk my nurse girlfriend, who just wanted to go home and sleep after her shift so I now owe her big, to come as well?"

*He ain't my boyfriend," Ben grumbling between sips of his beer and watching for Callum to come back from the bathroom. 

"He flew here to get back together with you, he stayed at my place last night and the two of you texted constantly to day, what the hell would you call him?"

"Look, I just don't want to put too much pressure on anything and just, I dunno, gotta figure stuff out and - look just don't be an ass" Ben finished quickly as Callum came back to the table from the washroom.

“So, Matt,” Callum said as he sat down, “Ben said your girlfriend is coming? What’s she do?”

“She’s a nurse, over at St. Vincent’s, works on a floor for surgery recovery in relation to gynecology and cancer surgeries for women," Matt said proudly, "and works her ass off. If I ever complain about how hard she threatens to make me come work with her."

"That's pretty cool," Callum said with a smile, Ben leaning back in the booth to as the conversation flowed around him and let himself enjoy being in Callum’s company again. Very little had been resolved but maybe this would be a first step to something, maybe he could let himself believe a little and too trust like Paul told him too. Before he could go further down that path, a pretty burnette woman sat down at the table and took Matt's beer.

“Is it so hard to order me a beer and have it here waiting when I arrive? I’m Amy, Matt’s much better half as he should have told you already,” she said smiling while speaking to Callum and Ben. 

“Callum,” he said smiling at the younger woman.

"Ben," he said with a grin.

"So how do you two know each other? I know how Ben and Matt know each other, youthful criminals and all."

“Uh, friend of mine from back home, just here for a visit” Ben said casually before waving the waitress back over to end that part of the conversation, “better get you that beer Amy and another round for us.”


	57. Chapter 57

How long have you and Matt been together?” Callum asked Amy while the other two men argued over what type of appetizers to order, Callum and Amy’s only input being that one of the things ordered had to be two buckets of oysters. 

“School, when we were 14 so we’ve been together 10 years but off and on until the last 5,” Amy said with a smile, “first love kinda thing.”

“Nothing like first love,” Callum said with a strained smile.

“Yeah, we dated other people but always seemed to come back to each other, not easy but we’ve got it relatively worked out. Right Matt?” Elbowing him in the side to get his attention.

“What?”

“First love, it’s the best?”

“I feel this is a question I should say yes too,” Matt said with a grin before kissing her on the lips, “but yes, first love is the best.”

“What about you Ben, did you have a first love?” Mandy asked, “I’m always curious about that sort of stuff.”

“Yeah, didn’t we all?” Ben said distractedly while still studying the menu.

“What happened?”

“Jesus, Amy, stop being noisy,” Matt said giving her a look, “not everyone wants to talk about their love lives. Sorry, man, just ignore her.”

“No, it’s okay. Yeah, Paul but he’s gone now. Died,” Ben said bluntly.

“Oh God, I”m sorry. I didn’t mean to stick my nose in, I do that alot. Sorry.” Ben nodded at her before going back to the menu as the waitress came to the table to take their order, only Callum saw the wistful look crossing Ben’s face.

******

“So what do you want to do now,” Callum asked as they walked back into Matt’s house, just the two of them as Matt had headed to Amy’s. 

“I dunno, what time is it?” Ben said, walking into the kitchen and grabbing two beers. “I gotta go to work tomorrow but watch some TV?”

“It’s just after 10, c’mon maybe we can find an episode of Ab Fab on somewhere or something,” Callum said, turning the TV on as he sat down on the couch. 

“Put the couch back together did ya? Knew you would, Matt said to leave it but I told him the little monsters in your brain would never let you do that,” Ben said laughing as he fell back on the couch, passing Callum a beer with a beer, “like at home you always have to make the bed even if we’re just getting back into it.”

Awkward silence descending as Ben realized what had come out of his mouth and Callum not sure how to respond. Wanting to ask Ben if it meant their place was still his home but not wanting to push. But before he could even think of anything to say, Ben spoke, “Big Bang Theory, let’s watch that.” 

By the time Sheldon was giving Penny a hug for his Christmas gift both were laughing with any tension gone from the air, 

“Watch the next episode,” Ben asked casually.

“Sure, maybe it’s one we haven’t seen?” Callum replied with a laugh, “Do you want another beer?”

“Yeah, might as well.”

Callum returned with two beers, handing one to Ben and sat back down this time closer but still not touching but close enough to feel the heat off of each other’s bodies. When Callum moved his hand onto Ben’s thigh and he didn’t move away, he left it there. 

“So Matt said you didn’t have to come in tomorrow, maybe we could hang out? I’ve always wanted to see Dublin, what about you,” asked hestitanly halfway through the second episode, “maybe the Guinness Storehouse, Phoenix Park and, ya know, anything else we found.”

“Ben?” Callum asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Fuck it,” Ben said before turning on the couch and grabbing Callum’s face to pull him forward, his lips crashing into his, hard, open mouth, tongue battling with hands grasping on his face. And Callum let himself sink into it, pushing Ben back onto the couch as his hands went under his shirt, pushing it up, wanting, needing to feel skin on skin.

Ben moving his legs onto the couch until Callum lay between them, feeling his hardness rub against him through his jeans, Callum’s hands pushing his shirt up as his mouth moved down Ben’s neck, licking and sucking. Ben moaning as he hit that spot between his neck and shoulder.

“Fuck Callum,” Ben panting while dragging Callum back up to his mouth, teeth clashing for a few moments before pushing him away, “we can’t do this.”

Pushing himself up and back, breathing hard, Callum said “Right, sorry. Taking things slow. Sorry, I just - you kissed me and I, God, couldn't help myself. And I know, we aren’t back together or anything and I don’t want to pressure. And --”

"We can't do this here," Ben said as he pushed Callum off him, "you're too tall for this couch and I have a very nice bed."

Callum stared at him, that had not been what he expected, taking the outstretched hand that pulled him off the couch and towards Ben's room, Callum tripping over his feet to keep up.

“What? But - taking things slow -”

“Callum,” Ben said while pushing him down onto the bed, “shut up.”


	58. Author's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending of the last chapter changed, as I just couldn't picture Ben NOT having sex with Callum - he's Ben sex is his go to especially when it shouldn't be. So if you read the last chapter before January 25 you need to go back and re-read it. 
> 
> Also, they certainly have some more issues to work through before their HEA

The ending of the last chapter changed, as I just couldn't picture Ben NOT having sex with Callum - he's Ben sex is his go to especially when it shouldn't be. So if you read the last chapter before January 25 you need to go back and re-read it. 

Also, they certainly have some more issues to work through before their HEA


	59. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex, hopefully at least a little hot. 
> 
> Thanks to all who have commented and liked, greatly appreciated!!!

Ben had pulled his and Callum's shirt off while Callum sat sputtering.

"Are you sure?" Callum said, sitting on the bed while Ben stood between his legs, "We've been drinking and I don't want to pressure you and maybe --". Before he could finish the sentence Ben put his hands on his either side of his face to til Callum's head back and kiss him. Slowly, mouth soft stealing Callum's breath and thought away until his arms were wrapped around Ben's naked waist pulling him closer.

"Questions?" Ben asked with a grin when he lifted his head, Callum just shook his head before reaching for Ben's pants to undo them and push them down. Ben erection pressing against his boxers with Callum leaning forward to mouth it causing Ben to groan.

"Pants, off now."

Callum stood up, undoing his jeans and kicking them plus his underwear off as Ben did the same. Sitting back down on the edge of the bed, Ben straddling him, slowly lowering himself while kissing Callum, wet and hot, moaning into his mouth as their hard cocks came into contact. 

Callum fell back on the bed taking Ben with him, their mouths never losing contact. Tongues rubbing against each other as Callum's hands ran up and down Ben's back coming to grip his add so he could press them even tighter together, as the both moaned.

"Fuck Callum," Ben moaned, "slow is definitely not in the cards tonight."

"Whatever you want."

"Right now, I want to ride you until neither of us can think," Ben said rolling off Callum to get up, while he moved up the bed, and he grabbed his toiletry bag for lube and condoms.

That brought Callum up short.

"You brought condoms and lube with you?"

"Umm, they're from our last trip to Spain. Why?"

"Nothing, I guess I just didn't think you'd being supplies with you I guess?"

"Supplies?"

"I'm sorry, I'm being stupid. Look, can we just get back to before? Please?"

"I'm not even sure how we got into this conversation."

"Just, fuck, come here. Please?" Callum said trying to not let the desperation in his voice come through. "I just want to be with you"

Walking back to the bed, Ben threw the lube and condoms onto the bedside table and sat down on the side.l before speaking, "Look if you don't want to do this . . ."

"Ben, you are all I want," he said, sitting up so he could pull Ben towards him, kissing him hard. With a groan Ben twisted until he had Callum on his back and Ben straddling him.

"Want to watch?" Ben asked mischievously while grabbing the lube and pouring it onto his fingers before reaching behind and working them into himself causing Callum to groan. First one finger than two, Ben's eyes never leaving Callum while doing it.

"Please Ben" Callum gasped while reaching for a condom and tossing it at him. "I can't wait any longer."

Ben ripped open the condom, rolling it onto Callum's hard cock and slathering some lube on before raising himself up and forward so he could line up and slowly sink down onto Callum. Both men moaning as he did.

"Christ Callum," Ben groaned once fully on him, his ass against Callum's thighs as Callum's hands rested on his hips.

"Ben, God, so good" Callum said trying desperately to not buck his hips. "Please"

Slowly and deliberately, Ben started to move up and down, almost all the way off of Callum before lowering himself again. Up and down, Callum rubbing against his prostrate when he leaned forward, making both men groan. Callum's hands gripping his hips hard, fingers indenting, leaving marks as he begged Ben to go faster. Until finally he started to rock back and forth, hands on Callum's chest for balance as one of Callum's hands moved from his hip to his cock, wrapping around it to stroke, slowly at first but faster as Ben's movements became faster.

"Callum, fuck, babe, so good.". Ben could feel the sweat dripping down his face, the pressure of Callum inside him, filling him til it was all he could feel or think. "Not going to last long."

"Me either," Callum said, all he could do to not come right then. Knowing he couldn't til Ben did, his hand speeding up needing Ben to come first.

"Fuck, fuck, yeah," Ben starting to babble as he came all over Callum's chest, sitting up straight as Callum finally, finally, let himself go to thrust hard up into Ben and letting out a gutteral yell. Coming hard, both hands back on his hips leaving bruises where his fingers had been.

Slumping, Ben lifted himself up and Callum slid out, soft now, both men breathing hard. Without saying a word, Callum pulled off the condom, knotting throwing it to the floor.

"I'm gonna be pissed if I step in that tomorrow" Ben said with a laugh as he lay beside Callum looking at the ceiling.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure it is out of the way."

Rolling over so he faced Callum before speaking, arms wrapped around the , "So tomorrow, want to play tourist? I'll play hooky and we can see some sites. Visit the Guinness storefront?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," Callum said with a smile, "I'm all for that."

"Great, Johnny recommended a couple of pubs to try too, so maybe we'll try that too. He's great that way, always knows the best places" Ben muttered already drifting off. “He never steers me wrong.”

Ben fell asleep before he could see the worried look on Callum’s face at the mention of Johnny and that Ben relying on him.


	60. Chapter 60

“Daddy answer the phone, Daddy answer the phone” 

Ben woke out of a sound sleep with brief confusion of where he was, until he heard Callum mumblings “You need to change that stupid ring tone” and rolling over to smile at him.

Right, Callum in Ireland and the amazing sex last night. 

With a groan, he got out of bed to find his pants and pull out his phone, which kept screeching at him in Lexi’s high pitched voice. Jesus, that thing had to fucking go before he murdered his child, he thought while fumbling for his pants, pulling it out and puching the talk button instead of giving into the urger to throw it against the wall.

“Lexi, Baby, what’s up?”

“One more day til I’m in Dublin, Daddy!!” She said excitedly and very loudly into the phone, Ben pulling on his boxers and leaving the room with a motion towards the kitchen to Callum.

“Yeah, you excited Baby? I can’t wait to see you and Mom”

“Yes and Mom let me go on the computer to look up some stuff so I’ve got suggestions of places to go. And are we really staying in a Castle, Daddy?”

“We are, you, me and Mummy in a Castle and doing lots of fun things.”

“Are you coming home with us when we come back, Daddy?”

Ben felt more than saw Callum come into the kitchen before he spoke "We'll see what happens, okay sweetie? But soon for sure."

Lexi spoke for a few more minutes about what she was bringing and just excitedly about seeing Dublin and Ben. Honestly, he was just as excited as he had been missing Lexi more than ever expected.

"Okay, sweetie, let me talk to Mom?"

"Okay, love you Daddy."

"I love you too baby and can't wait til your here" he said with a smile waiting for her to pass Lola the phone.

"Hey, ready for the weekend?" Lola asked, "she's got two bloody suitcases out so I'll be sorting that out today."

"Yeah, looking forward to it. Family time right" Ben said with a smile.

"So, heard you got a visitor" she asked mischievously, "Heard he flew to Dublin."

"Yup, got here yesterday," Ben said smiling over his shoulder at Callum before turning back to the coffee machine, "I assume you mean Callum and not someone else?"

Ben didn't see the look of worry that crossed Callum's face at his words.

"Back together?"

"Going to go see tourist stuff today, but nothing we're going to see."

"Avoiding the question, Ben."

"Yup, totally. I saw the hotel offers babysitting services so maybe on Saturday we'll hit a pub after she's asleep?"

"I'm going to expect answers, you know that right?"

"Fuck off but I know."

"I'll see you tomorrow" Lola said with a laugh before hanging up.

"Lexi excited?" Callum asked as Ben turned around to smile at him.

"Yeah, I can't wait to see her. And Lola. It's going to be a nice family vacation, we haven't done them in a while with her being with Jay and you and I . . .". Ben's voice drifted off as an awkward silence descended before speaking again while walking over go Callum to wrap his arms around his hips as Callum put his around his shoulders. "Since it's 7am, cause my crazy daughter insists on calling before school, wanna go back to bed? Have some more fun and, maybe, sleep as I'm not going to work today?"

"Yeah?" Callum asked with a shy smile, "that could be fun. Play tourist later?"

"Absolutely," Ben said standing on his toes to give Callum a quick kiss, "plus I'm a helluva tourist attraction ya know. I can keep you entertained for hours."

"Oh, I know and can't wait to see the new rides," Callum said with a laugh as he followed Ben back to the bedroom, trying to ignore any growing insecurities.


	61. Chapter 61

“Okay, this place is pretty cool,” Callum said as they walked through Kilmainham Gaol, “I mean, can you imagine being locked up in here? How cold it would be in the winters? And that it was your best option or else you would starve?”

“No, I mean the locked up part sure but not here. This place is cool but creepy, especially with all the graffitti, I’ve always found the Irish fight for independence pretty cool so when I was looking for things to do with Lexi and Lola I saw this but figured it wouldn’t really be their thing. Glad you came and I didn’t have to come alone,” Ben said with a smile to Callum.

“Yeah?” Callum said with a small smile, “you are? I’m glad I’m here.”

“Well, I don’t have to worry about this place giving you nightmares and if it gives me nightmares, I have you to help me sleep right?” 

“Oh yeah, not a problem,” Callum said, draping his left arm around Ben’s shoulders, smiling hopefully when Ben didn’t move away, “I’ll keep you safe.” With a laugh, they continued on, further into the prison with Ben pointing out different things from the pamphlets he held. 

This, this, Callum thought, is what they needed. Time for just them, and it didn’t fix everything but after last night and today, maybe things were getting back on track.

**********

“Toast to a good day?” Callum said, raising his glass across the table to Ben as they sat in Pennylane, with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, for sure. The Guinness Storehouse was pretty cool, liked seeing how it was made. Maybe I’ll start drinking more Guinness.”

“How did you hear about this place? Seems pretty cool,” Callum asking while looking around.

“Johnny recommended it, said he comes here a lot after work and has good food,” Ben said picking up the menu to study it, “I figured we could try it and have supper. Figure out what to do for the rest of the night from here.”

Johnny, his name kept coming up. From barely hearing it to feeling like he was everyone and Callum didn’t know what to do, how to bring it up without sounding like a jealous jerk. 

“I didn’t know you and Johnny knew it each other,” Callum said casually while looking at his menu.

“Yeah, from back in the day. I tried to kiss him before I came out and then told everyone he tried to kiss me so no one would think I was gay. He came back before Paul died and we grew closer than, lost contact after that but I’m glad he got me my number from Mick. We had a good time catching up. Hey, the fish cakes look good and I think I”m going to get the Beef and Guinness stew. What about you?” 

“Umm, probably the burger. So, anything ever happen between you guys?”

“Where is this coming from,” Ben looking at him quizzingly. Your drunken phone call, Callum thought but didn’t say, when you told me he said for you to get under someone to get over me and I told you I knew you slept with him. 

Callum didn’t say any of that instead he said, “I dunno, just curious. I didn’t know you guys knew each other and was, just, surprised. That’s all.”

“Yeah, well after Paul he - we just got closer. And both had a love of Harry Potter, so there was that but at the end of the day just friends.” Ben stopped talking as the waiter came to take their orders before continuing, “We went to a couple Harry Potter movie marathons and, if you tell anyone, a comic con to get autographs from some of the cast members.”

“You went to a comic con to get autographs from actors in the Harry Potter movies?” Callum said in amazement, letting the rest drop. “How did I not know this? I feel this is something I should have known.”

“I dunno, I guess I didn’t really think it was something you would be interested in. I mean, you weren’t exactly keen on the Harry Potter book reading when I brought it up. And, really you only started after I left cause you felt bad.”

Both sat in silence at that, Ben slowly drinking before Callum spoke.

“I know I screwed up there, I can see that now. God, hindsight is everything and I screwed it all up so badly. After you left, I kept thinking of things I did wrong and I remember the Harry Potter books and how excited you were about them. About us reading them together, buying them for me but something else with Whitney came up and that they eventually just disappeared without me noticing. Or notice that you never brought it up again. Or that the books disappeared. Or that you stopped suggesting stuff for us to do together.” Callum paused to take a drink of his beer, “Anyways, I found them in the closet, very back of the closet so you clearly put them back there, and started reading them. It just seemed to be a good way to start showing you that I do actually listen to you. Despite evidence to the contrary.”

“Do you like them?”

“I love them, freaking love them. I've been dying to talk to you about them or at least hope you’d talk to me about them. I know I tried on the phone but you were still pretty pissed at me and thought I was only doing it to get you to forgive me but I really really do love them. I mean, do you really think Dumbledore saw socks? And Snape is an evil ass. Also, I want a flying car.”

Ben started laughing and smiling, “It might’ve gotten you some points.”  
“So what House do you belong to?” 

And for the next hour and a bit they ate, drank, talking and laughing while the bar around them got busier and fuller. Callum not bringing up Johnny again, just enjoying being with Ben. 

“So, what do you want to do for the rest of the night?” Ben asked after ordering them another round.

This, Callum thought, I want to do this, sit here and just make you smile but said “I’m pretty open. Maybe watch a movie, think we could find Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone on Demand?”

“Sounds like a plan. Grab some beer on the way back to Matt’s?”

“That’d be great,” Callum said smiling at Ben. “I haven’t watched the movies, I was hoping that we’d --”

“Ben?” A voice came from behind Callum, “You’re Ben right? From Station 66, last week? Robert, we met there last week?”

“Fuck,” Ben said under his breathe giving Callum a worrying look, “Yes, hey how’s it going?”

“Good, really good. I’m really glad I ran into you, didn’t think we would,” said Robert coming to stand beside the table and smile at Ben. Callum looking back and forth, Ben seeing when realization of who Robert dawned on him and probably, the drunken phone call. 

“Hi, I’m Callum,” he said standing up to shake the other man’s hand. 

“Robert, nice to meet you.”

“For sure, listen, do you want to sit down? I”m just going to the bathroom and be back,” Callum said as he started to walk away and Robert sat down.

“Callum,” Ben called from behind as he walked away before looking back at Robert, speaking before he could, “Listen, you seem nice and fit but I’m kind of here with someone, so maybe beat it?”

“Oh, I was hoping that we could maybe pick up where we left off?”

“We didn’t really get that far and we ain’t getting any further. Now beat it,” Ben said forcefully as the other man got up and left. Ben waved the waitress over to get the check, giving her his credit card and asking for a rush. 

And waited for Callum to come back.


	62. Chapter 62

“Fuck,” Callum said to the wall as he took a piss, “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

He was pretty sure that had been the guy Callum had seen on Instagram the night Ben and Johnny had gone out, the one with his hand on Ben’s arm. Must have been the one Ben had thought about hooking with, maybe they had hooked up though Ben was usually pretty truthful when drunk. But it just brought back the memory of being on the phone with him, begging him to not give up them and not do anything with anyone else.

It had been such a good day, they had been making progress, Callum had been sure of it but this just opened up a not really closed wound and reminded him of all that was broken. Washing his hands and taking a deep breathe, the little voice in his head asked what if Ben wants to go out with this guy and for Callum to come along or just go away? What if, despite last night and this morning, Ben didn’t see things as improving? No, he knew Ben, things were going in the right direction and some random guy did not change that. 

Walking out with a lot more confidence than he actually felt, he saw Ben at the table with the waitress signing the cheque before looking up searching the restaurant til his eyes fell on Callum and he smiled. That gave him some more confidence and the sudden urge to stay out, to show everyone that Ben was his. 

“Hey, so I thought we’d head to Matt’s now if you want?” Ben said casually.

“Yeah, but I”m open if you want to stay,” Callum said hesitantly, “I mean, if you want to hang out some more here and talk to people . . .”

“If you want to we can but we don’t have to, we can leave.”

“Let’s go to the bar, I’ll buy some shots,” Callum said determined to prove to Ben that everything was good and fun.

“Callum, seriously, we can go” Ben said dubiously.

“No, let’s have some fun. Fun with just us is good right? We haven’t done that in a long time and it’ll be fun.”

“You said that already.”

“C’mon, shots at the bar, my treat,” Callum said with a smile and Ben hestiatanly following him to the bar. “Let’s have some fun.”


	63. Chapter 63

Can we have two Jack Daniels?” Callum asked the bartender while they stood there before looking over at Ben, “so how do you know Robert? From when you and Johnny went out?

“Robert, met him when Johnny when we went out last week,” Ben said between drinks. “Nothing happened. Flirting sure and he wanted something too but I didn't.”

“Didn’t want to or didn’t do anything?” 

“Callum do you want to go home?” Ben asked putting down his drink, “We don’t have to stay here.”

“I did but it’s been a long time since it’s just been the two of us and maybe some fun would be good, right?” Callum took a breath before continuing more softly so Ben had to lean in, “And you had fun with Johnny and that guy, right? I guess I want to prove you can have fun with me again too. That was part of the problem right?”

“I guess but, Cal, I ain’t comparing you to others.”

“Ya, I know,” Callum trying to sound like he believes him, “so let’s stay have some drinks, hey?”

“Okay,” Ben said with a smile waving the waitress over for a second round, “then let’s have some fun.”

********

Ben had forgotten how much fun he and Callum could have with just the two of them, usually they were with Whitney or Jay and Lola for nights out and in the last few months it had been more Callum and Whitney than anything, with Ben going out with other people. Callum got goofier and funnier with each drink, despite their size difference Ben could easily drink him under the table, so even though they were pretty equal on intake Callum definitely more inebriated. 

“So, did I tell you Shirley has a pool on whether or not we’d get back together?”

“Seriously,” Ben said with a laugh, “how much is the pool?”

“Don’t know, do I? I’m not betting on it!” Callum laughing before continuing, “But I know the outcome I want.”

“How many outcome choices are there?”

“Umm, well there are three I was told, one that I’d get back together with Whitney, but I made it very clear that wasn’t happening as I love you and am gay,” he said quickly when he saw Ben’s face darken. “Two, that we wouldn’t get back together and three that we would.”

“Which option did you want to bet on?”

“The last one, I want the last one. All I want is the last one.” Callum pausing, "which would you put money on."

"Which one is gonna make me the most money?" Ben said a laugh and wicked smile until he saw the hopeful look leave Callum's face and reached across to cover Callum's hand with his, "but the last one has potential."

Ben's walls melting a little more at Callum's big goofy smile as he turned his hand to interlink their fingers. They stood in silence for a bit, drinking, hands together until Ben got a text and had to pull out his phone.

"Sorry, might be Lexi."

"I'll go get us another round, yeah?"

"Sounds good but maybe we'll clear up after that and head back? It's almost 11pm and I might have other plans for the night," Ben said winking at him.

By the time Callum's arrived back at the table, waiter shortly behind with some more shots and beer, Ben had his phone away and smiling at him.

"Lexi all good?"

"Was Johnny, asking how the weekend's going."

"Oh," Callum said feeling his heart sink, "so you told him all good?"

"Yeah, really nice that we're friends again. When I'm back home we'll have to go out."

Callum wasn't sure he wanted to hang out with Johnny who Ben had slept with, been so great when Paul died, suggested Ben get under someone to get over him or that Mick had thought Ben would end up with but he didn't say that instead he said "Sure, sounds fun."

Picking up the shot of tequila and downing it before Ben could say more, more alcohol would help.

They lasted at the bar until just after midnight with Ben dragging a very drunk Callum out, any plans of sex long gong as he knew, from experience, Callum would just pass out once home. Thankfully the Uber to get them home showed up relatively quickly and the drive to Matt's only 15 mins. After paying the driver, he pulled Callum out of the car and into the house.

"You would think," he muttered while pulling off Callum's shoes in his bed, "your alcohol tolerance would be better after being with me for almost a year."

Callum's only response was muttering and rolling over causing Ben to sigh while leaning over to give him a kiss on the check.

"Stay," Callum muttered. "Please stay."

"You need to sleep, I'll just be on the couch."

"I love you, don't leave."

"I'm not, just sleep."

"I love you, regardless of anyone says, no one love you like me," Callum says while rolling over, "I can love you better, promise."

Ben stared at him, not sure what to make of that as Callum started to snore.


	64. Chapter 64

He needed water.

Blinking awake, Callum groaned and rolled over to run right into Ben's sleeping form, grunting as he woke up.

"Cal?" He asked sleepily, "what up?"

"Need to get water, be right back," he said getting out of bed.

"No, I'll get it. How's about you get undressed, all I could get off were ya shoes before you passed out,". Ben said getting out of bed, only on his tight black boxed briefs and leaving the room as Callum started pulling off the rest of his clothes until only his dark blue boxer briefs remained. By the time Ben came back he was back under the covers 

"Here," Ben said thrusting the glass at him, now back under the blankets he took and drank almost all of it before handing the glass back.. By the time Ben returned with the glass refilled Callum was asleep and snoring.

"You're lucky you're cute," Ben muttered while putting the glass on the floor beside Callum before crawling back into the bed, laying on his stomach while looking at the sleeping Callum. "Cause I don't look after just anyone," 

**********

With a groan, Callum rolled over and into Ben who lay sleeping on his side, back to him dead to the world. God, he had to stop having shots and, damnit, he needed water.

“There’s water by the side of the bed,” Ben muttered sleepily when Callum began to get out of the bed. “Put it there for you.”

After a long drink, Callum lay down and rolled over so he lay facing Ben who had rolled over.

“I think I had too many shots,” he said with a soft laugh.

“Yeah, woulda thought hanging out with me would give you more of a toleration.”

Callum gave a soft laugh, “ya think, wouldn’t ya? I’ve been working on it lately but I don't think anyone has your tolerance.”

“Years of practice, babe, years of practice,” Ben muttered before rolling back over to fall back asleep.

Callum cautiously moved closer until he was up against Ben’s back, draping an arm around him and burying his head into Ben’s neck. He fell back asleep breathing in Ben’s scent.

*********

The sun shone through the window the next time Callum woke up, alone in the bed and the spot where Ben had been cool to touch. Looking at the clock, he saw

“Ben, you here?” Silence echoing back at him before he called out again, “Ben?”

The front door slamming shut as he got out of bed to walk into the hallway.

“I’m back,” Ben’s voice came through the house, “got us some coffee and breakfast.”

Walking into the kitchen, he saw Ben put down a bag that smelled delicious and a tray with two coffees, “Wasn’t sure where you went.”

“Yeah, well, I figured for our last morning I’d go get us something munchie. Matt ain’t got much here and didn’t want to wake you from your beauty sleep,” Ben said with a grin while passing Callum a coffee. “Just how you like it, milk and sugar, though you might need it black today.”

“Umm, last morning together?” Callum stuttered, “I thought we were getting back on track? But no expectations, I mean, sort of but not really.”

“That came out wrong, just that Lexi and Lola come today, and this weekend it’s just about us, yeah? More I meant what’s your plan?” He asked casually, “They get here this afternoon and I have to go check into the hotel. But, you don’t have to go, I just won’t get to see you much over the weekend.”

Callum drank some of his coffee before speaking, though he knew Lexi and Lola he hadn’t actually realized what that meant for him and Ben this weekend; their little bubble of the past couple of days had been so nice but would end now. 

“I know, I just hadn’t thought of it that way. That this would be the last morning, I dunno what I thought.”

“Well,” Ben said walking over so he was in front of Callum, hands on his waist, “not the last morning. Just the last morning in Dublin.” He took a sip of his coffee before continuing, “I’m sure Matt won’t mind you staying here, he’s largely at Amy’s anyway, why they don’t live together yet is beyond me.”

“I should probably get back, I kinda just abandoned Jay and work,” pausing before speaking more, “what’s your plan?”

Ben had known this was coming, part of the reason he had gotten up before Callum, trying to figure out what to say. He could hear Paul in his head, telling him to be brave and move forward, to love. And he could but maybe not quite as brave as Paul wanted him to be but he could move forward. Small steps forward.

“A week at most, when I came down I told Matt 3 weeks but I think I’ve almost done enough car fixing. I miss Lexi alot,” looking down at his coffee before saying quietly, “ and you.”

“Yeah?” Callum said grinning.

“Well, can’t have you moping around the Square, can I? C’mon it’s just bagels and coffee, let’s go back to bed and eat. They won’t be here til almost 5pm, so I got some time. Plus I kinda need to go back to sleep.”

Callum nodded, the temptation to ask Ben if coming back meant coming home but didn’t, not wanting to push his luck instead he said, “You got me a cheese one right?”


	65. Chapter 65

Ben was having the most excellent dream, Callum sucking and humming around his dick causing him to moan while trying to thrust up but Callum’s big hands held him firmly in place. Holding him down, one hand almost bruising while the other went to his balls stroking the skin between them and his rim, soft but insistent.

“Cal,” Ben moaning louder as he came awake, looking down to see Callum between his legs, head down, lips wrapped tight around him, “Jesus, don’t stop.” Ben’s one hand grabbing at the sheets with the other trying to not grab the other man’s hair too hard. “Cal, fuck, going to cum soon, want you inside me. Fuck Callum.” Pulling on his hair, trying to pull the other man upwards but he just sucked harder, checks sinking in and tongue moving along him. Lube fingers now pushing inside of Ben, first one then two then three stretching him, scissoring him open as Callum mouth left his cock with a pop and stretched up to kiss him. He could taste himself on Callum’s lips and tongue.

“Want to?” 

“Fuck, yes, Cal,” Ben groaning, head thrown back, Callum sitting up to put lube on his cock but Ben shook his head, reaching to grab the condom on the night stand to give to Callum, “here.”

“Oh, okay. We need them?”

“Someone else’s house & sheets, don’t need to make more of a mess than necessary.”

“Sure,” Callum said hesitantly, not wanting to ruin the moment but they'd basically stopped using condoms after moving in together and he didn't --

"Callum, babe, you want to come back to what you were doing?". Ben said with a smile he couldn't resist, his dick growing rock hard as Ben naked laid out before him always did. Rolling on the condom with some lube, Callum moved so he lay behind Ben, both in their sides, Ben moving his top leg back on top of Callum's so he could slowly move into him.

"God, Ben, you feel fucking amazing," Callum groaning once he had bottomed out into Ben. He loved the depth this position gave him, the way he could feel all of Ben but that he couldn't see Ben's face directly made it easier. Knowing if he was looking directly at Ben he would start saying things he shouldn't. 

Like when are you coming home?

Are you coming home to me?

You are my home.

Things he knew couldn't be said yet but ached to say. 

You're the love of my life, please come back to me.

Instead, Callum thrust harder as the other man groaned, his hand reaching for his hard cock but Callum got their first, fisting it tightly and in rhythm to his thrusts into Ben.

"Fuck, Callum, more. Please," Ben's words ending in a long moan. "Gonna cum."

"Yeah? I make you cum? Feels good," whispering in Ben's good ear, "I make you feel this?"

"Yes, don't stop. Please. So close."

"Anything, anything you want," speeding up his hips and hand, burying his head in the back of Ben's neck, "Fuck anything”

With that he felt Ben explode over his hand, neck arching back as he came, calling Callum's name causing Callum to let his hips thrust as hard as they wanted, not able to stop himself as he came hard into the condom. Hand closing on Ben's softening dick as he thrust with no thought just wanting to come knowing he'd made Ben come; made Ben's world shake causing his hips to move faster and with no rhythm as he came hard into the condom, a part of him wishing he wasn’t wearing it so he could feel Ben. Really feel him.

Gently pulling out, holding onto the condom, Ben watched as Callum walked to the bathroom then crawl back into the bed, passing him the towel he’d grabbed so Ben could clean himself up and put over the wet spot. Once done, rolling over to rest his head on his forearms on Callum’s chest grinning up at him.

“We are really REALLY good at that.”

Callum said nothing, giving Ben a soft smile while tightening his arm around him.

“What, you didn’t enjoy yourself,” Ben pushing himself up to look him in the eye better, “sounded and felt like you did.”

“No, I did. I just, well, I just, I”m going home today and back to being alone right? You don’t know when you’re coming back and I’m going to miss you. That’s all.”

“I won’t be away much longer, promise. Plus this time I’ll call you back and text if you text me back.”

“OKay, you keep saying that but I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m the one that kept calling and texting you last week. If you’d have texted me I WOULD have responded. Did you not read my last text message after you drunk dialed me?”

“Yeah,” Ben said defensively as he sat up and away from Callum, “and I texted you the next day several times. After I talked to Lexi but you never texted back.”

“Umm, yeah, so after the drunk phone call I kinda threw my phone at the wall and broke the screen and it wouldn’t work. I had to get an all new phone on Monday,” Callum said before giving Ben a look, “you owe me a new phone.”

Ben gave a laugh before leaning down to give him a quick kiss.

“So, why did you decide to call? After the week of telling me it wouldn’t work, that we shouldn't be together and yelling at me for trying to do a nice thing for Lexie, why call?”

“I thought we should talk and that, maybe I’d been an ass on the phone. You did a nice thing for Lexi and I, I dunno, wanted to talk. Either way, we should get up now and get going on the day.” Ben gave him a kiss before getting out of bed to get dressed and leave the room. .

“Yeah, but where are we now?” Callum said into the empty room before Ben poked his head back into the room.

“Hey, did you want my computer to book your flight home? I have to be there by 5pm, so we can hang out, want to come with me to check in to the hotel? I paid for early check in and we can take a look at the suite. Plus it is an actual castle so it should be interesting, This weekend

“So what’s the plan for the weekend?” Callum asked as he got out of bed to dress before following Ben to the couch and sat down, “Lexi must be thrilled to stay at an actual castle, what else is in the plans?”

“Well, tonight we’ll just get supper at the hotel and maybe watch a movie but tomorrow I have us booked for a mani/pedi at the spa at the hotel plus dinner at a fancy restaurant. I booked a babysitter for later in the night so Lola and I can go have some drinks. Sunday is open, we’ll figure it out as we go.”

“You, Ben Mitchell, are going to get a mani/pedi. Is Lola blackmailing you?” Callum said with surprise, the look on his face causing Ben to laugh.

“No, no blackmail. Just something I thought I would be fun for us to do.”

“Have you ever even had a mani/pedi before? You realize they will be touching your feet right? Have you ever had one before?”

“Yeah, years ago,” Ben said wistfully, “Paul took me to get one, well dragged me actually, but I liked it. Thought it would sorta be our thing but, well you know, so I thought it would be fun to make it mine and Lexi’s thing. If he was still here he would be taking Lexi for pedicures all the time, making me pay for it.”

Looking at Ben’s big smile and wistful look, all he could do was compare that scenario to Ben telling him he didn’t want Lexi to get hurt while being mad at Callum for taking her to the bookstore. Whereas he obviously wished Paul was still here, the sinking feeling of not being enough coming back. 

“So, I found a flight for 4:30pm, that way you won’t have to hang out at the airport or anything.” Callum said changing the subject, wanting to get away from Paul and the memories. 

“Great, book it and we’ll go grab some food and check in.” 

Forcing a smile while nodding, Callum reminding himself that he was here not Paul; that was mattered. Right?


	66. Chapter 66

“I think she’s asleep,” Ben said softly, looking at the little blonde head in his lap. "She's snoring."

"Oi, my daughter doesn't snore!" Lola exclaimed with a laugh. 

"Well, not as badly as you, true."

"For that, you can be the one to carry her to bed and make her stay there."

"Think we wore her out today, between the spa, the site seeing and dinner tonight. She's going to sleep late tomorrow." Ben said while moving Lexi's head to stand up before gently picking her up and walking to the bedroom Lola and Lexi shared.

"Babysitter should be here in the next 5 mins or so, I'll get ready to head down."

Twenty minutes later, the two were down at the hotel bar, Ben with a beer and Lola a gin and tonic talking about the day and their daughter. How much she had loved the Mani/pedi, Ben would dishing out for many of those in the future, the Trinity College Library tour and dinner at Baggots Hutton. That Lexi wanted to go shopping the next day. Their flight home was midday Monday so tomorrow would be a more relaxed day with brunch, some shopping and quiet dinner at the hotel.

Lexi had been so excited about the spa and Ben had, happily, explained to her about Paul, how he had loved him and that this was a way to remember him while they had fun. It had gone well until Lexi asked, being a child with no filter thanks to both her parents genes, "Daddy does that mean you love him more than Callum? "

Causing Ben to awkwardly explain that you could love different people with your whole heart in different ways. Lexi had looked at him confused but nodded regardless causing Lola to roll her eyes before interrupting, "Baby, you can love everyone equally but differently and it isn't a competition. You know how you love my chocolate chip cookies and you love Gran Kathy's oatmeal cookies? You don't love either more you love them both equally."

"Well, I love the chocolate chip ones more."

"Just pick your nail polish,". Lola said changing the subject and glad that Callum wasn't here for the conversation.

"Our daughter has no filter," Lola said with a laugh.

"Can't imagine where she gets that from," Ben replied laughing. "Cause we are both such polite people.". Causing both to burst out laughing. "We're raising a little mini me which WILL be a problem when she's 16."

"I can't wait til she brings home her first boyfriend or girlfriend, you will lose your mind," Lola grinning at him. 

"I still think a nunnery is a good option for school."

"Yeah, cause you could handle being separated from your little princess for an entire school semester."

"Well, we could live near the nunnery." Causing Lola to laugh so hard she spit her drink onto the table.

The conversation continued to flow until she finally brought up what she wanted to talk about.

"So, Callum was here. What's that mean? Also, he's not here now? How come?"

"Family vacation, isn't it?" Ben said while motioning to the waitress for another round. With a look for Lola, one that said talk or die, he continued. About Callum showing up, how they'd talked, hung out and met up with the guy he met through Johnny. How Ben hadn't said if he was moving back in again or not, but would be back by the end of the week. Also how much he'd enjoyed seeing Johnny again, how he missed having him as a friend.

And how much he had missed Callum but worried he just felt guilty and when the guilty wore off they would just be back to where they were before.

"Well," says Lola, "I don't think you'll go backwards now. But the only way to find out is if you come home and try. Anything else is just hiding how you feel and looking for excuses not to try."

"You sound like bloody Paul," Ben mumbled as he took a drink of his beer.

"What?"

"Nothing, but yeah it's time to go home."


	67. Chapter 67

12:05 pm Text to Ben - Did the girls get on the flight okay?

12:35 pm - Yup, should be home shortly. Lexi was NOT impressed I wasn't coming home with them

Me neither, thought Callum but didn't text.

12:45 pm - Well, she misses her daddy 

1 pm - be home soon, end of this week

Ben stared at his phone, waiting for Callum's response. He still wasn't sure about moving back into the apartment but he was sure that it was time to go home and not run away from his problems. Paul would be proud, he thought with a snort.

1:09 pm Text from Callum - can't wait!! 😁😁

1:20 pm - did Jay survive without you?

1:30 pm - there is a stupid amount of paperwork that showed up on my text today. Somehow he was with clients? I don't really believe him. You back at the garage?

2:13 pm - yeah, got a bunch of cars to fix before they ship out

2:16 pm - do you ask where they come from?

2:29 pm - Babe, I'm a mechanic. I just fix them 😝

Callum had always loved the shady part of Ben, when he wasn't getting arrested due to them, and, for him, this level of shady was perfect. Little chance of Ben being arrested but filled his need to be not quite legit. As long as he wasn't sucked into Phil's illegal crap Callum would be happy.

3 pm - Jay owes me for all this paperwork, gonna read all day tomorrow unless customers come in

5pm Text from Ben - What book are you on?

5:13 pm - Starting Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry's Godfather killed his parents? He was working with Voldemort???

5:25 pm - I refuse to spoil any of it for you

5:27 pm - How did I not know this was amazing? Why didn't you tell me?

Ben tried to push down the anger he felt at that. He HAD tried to tell Callum, he's even bought him the damn books but he'd been too busy keeping Whitney happy to pay any attention to that. Taking a deep breathe he reminded himself that Callum was now reading them and late was better than never. That this was something they could get past.

The waiter at the Boar's Head put his burger and fries down in front of him while Ben contemplated what to say. Not wanting to start a fight, not wanting to ruin any forward motion but not ready to let go of all his anger just yet. 

"Don't be an ass," Paul's voice said in his head.

"Jesus, now I'm hearing you in my head??" Ben said louder than he meant to as the couple at the table beside him give him a long sideways glance before giving them a sheepish smile. 

Deciding food might help, he ate half his burger before replying.

5:58 pm Text to Callum -. Well you are reading them now. Better late than never, you'll love the rest I promise

That, Callum thought while reading the text in the Albert, wasn't passive aggressive at all. Ben may be pretty blunt about most things but could be pretty passive aggressive when he didn't actually want to deal with things. And, unsurprisingly, it was with Callum more than anyone because he used it to avoid being hurt. He knew it meant Ben had deeper feelings for him but some days he just didn't have the patience for it.

6:15 pm - I made mistakes but I love you. And I ordered a surprise for you, when are you home? 

6:32 pm Text from Ben - by the end of the week. 

With a deep breath Callum sent the text he knew he couldn't take back but sent anyways.

6:40 pm - Are you coming home to me?


	68. Chapter 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for the delay but life got in the way. But hopefully I'll have this finished soon :)

"I'm home," Ben called into the empty Beale house, dropping his bags on the floor as he came into the house. Not surprised with the lack of response on an early Thursday afternoon, expecting most to be at work or school or, in Ian's case, harassing pensioners to vote for him in the next council election. Kicking off his shoes to take his bags upstairs to the room his and Peter split when at home, fortunately Peter left to live with Dotty so it was Ben's now that he was home.

Not really home, the little voice said, your home is with Callum. You know, where you pay rent. And your boyfriend lives?

Or he could stay at Ian’s for a couple of days with Lexi and Lola, get some more family time in. A couple of good days in Dublin doesn’t mean all their problems were fixed, time wouldn’t hurt. Just to make sure they were really on the same page, that Callum didn’t just feel some guilt for him ending things. Pulling out his phone, almost 3:30 pm everyone should be heading to the Vic soon, time to let everyone know he’s back starting to send a text just as he heard Lexie and Lola walk into the house. 

***********

“Jay, I was very happy at home in front of the telly, why did I let you drag me out for a drink?” Callum said, following Jay into the Vic just after 8:30 pm.

“A drink will help you relax, c’mon don’t be a stick in the mud. it’ll be. Find us a seat, I’ll order the drinks,” Jay said, walking to the bar, waving his arm in a vague direction while waking up to the bar where Mick stood. 

“Fine but you’re buying the first round and possibly the second” Callum called after him while looking around for a table. Glancing over a table with just one person sitting with their back to him, eyes continuing until he realized who sat at the table and took a few quick steps over.

“Ben?” Ben said, coming to stand beside the table, “your back?”

“Yeah, surprise. Decided time to come home, saw Lexie when she came back from school,” he stood while speaking to draw the taller man into a hug, “came here afterwards.” 

Callum wrapping his arms around Ben to bring him in tight, both breathing in the scent of the other. 

“Beer’s here mates, so sit down before you get more embarrassing,” Jay said, coming to stand by the table and put the beers down. With a grin Ben let go of Callum to hug his brother before all three sat down.

“You knew?” Callum said.

“Texted me earlier, promised I wouldn’t say anything, Now let’s drink up and celebrate my dumbass brother being back,” Jay said as Mick arrived with a tray of JD shots.

“On the house, boys,” he said with a smile and wink, “Welcome home Ben.”

“Thanks man. To being back home, boys,” as all three downed the shots.

By 10pm, Callum could feel the tension in his chest that had been there since Ben left, starting to unwind. It had a little in Dublin, but now with Ben home it became much easier to breathe. And tonight, Ben’s hand casually on his thigh, with his on drapped on his shoulder over the back of the chair. Like everything was back to the way it should be.

“Oi, be right back, gotta hit the head,” Ben said, getting up and walking away Callum watching him go with a smile. 

“I’ll go get another round,” Callum said to Jay as he got up.

“Right mate,” Jay said unbelievingly with a grin causing Callum to blush as he headed to the bar before turning to the bathrooms and walking in.

“Come here often” Ben teasing as he saw Callum walk into the bathroom in the mirror.

“Just for you,” he replied while pushing Ben back into the far stall, mouth coming down hard, hands grabbing for skin, needing to feel Ben’s skin against his. “Christ I missed you.”

Pushing Ben against the stall while falling to his knees, undoing Ben’s pants, pulling his now hard cock out and taking it into his mouth.

“Fuck Callum,” Ben’s hands in his hair, tightening as he gasped with Callum’s tongue stroking the underside of his cock and slowly swallowing him down, sucking up and down. Ben putting his fist to his mouth to stop himself from making too much noise as Callum looked up to see his head leaning against the wall

“Won’t last long, God you’re hot, down on your knees sucking on my cock.” 

Callum humming around his cock, sliding a finger behind his balls rubbing gently, feeling Ben start to tense and moaning “I’m gonna cum, babe. Fuck so hard.” Making Callum suck harder, wanting to taste him and swallowing as Ben came hard into his mouth. Swallowing all he had to give until Ben had stopped convalusing, hand loosening on his hair until he slowly slid mouth off his cock with a pop causing Ben to chuckle.

“Fuck, that’s a welcome,” Ben said with a smile doing his pants back up as Callum wiped off the knees of his jeans. 

“Yeah, well, I missed you.”

“Have to repay it at some point, won’t I? C’mon, let’s get another drink” Ben said with a smile, walking out of the bathroom. 

“So later tonight? At home?” Callum said with no answer from Ben, not sure if he heard him or not. Following him out into the body of The Vic where there was a commonotion, “Ben, did you hear--” 

“Johnny, son, what are you doing here?”

Callum watching in shock as Johnny stood in the middle of the pub with Mick hugging him and Ben standing nearby with a smile.


	69. Chapter 69

“Hey mate, what are you doing back here?” Ben asked while slapping Johnny on the back, “sit down, I’ll buy you a drink.”

“Sure, hey Jay, how’s it going?” Johnny said, a grin on his face before turning to Callum who hung back, stretching out his hand, “Hi, I’m Jay.”

“Callum,” he said trying to appear friendly and not sullen.

“Oh, heard of you - your Ben’s boyf--”

“C’mon Jay, sit and have a beer with us,” Ben interrupted before he could finish the sentence, motioning for the other 3 men to sit down in the booth they had. 

“So what brought you back,” Jay asked.

“Wanted to see the family plus some work commitments in the area,” Johnny said, “seemed like a good time to come back. Plus Ben and I had a good time in Dublin, he’s a little less annoying these days.”

“Yeah, well, only a couple of days, hard to be that annoying, even for me.” Everyone laughed as Linda arrived with a round of shots and beer.

“Okay, boys, these are on the house. But,” giving Johnny a stern look, “Ollie gets up early for breakfast and he’s going to want to see you so don’t be late or hung over.”

“Yes, mum. Not a problem,” Johnny said with a grin before they all downed the shots. 

“So, Callum, tell me about yourself?

“Oh well, umm, working at Cokers with Jay, been here a couple of years so pretty much home now,” he stammered, not sure what to say about Ben, waiting for Ben to say something. “Yeah, so that’s about it. Heard lots about you though.”

“Whatever you heard was a lie, especially if it came from either of these two!” 

No one seemed to notice that Callum didn’t join in as loudly or that he didn’t contribute to the conversation as much as before Johnny arrived though Jay gave him a smile and nod after a bit. After a bit he felt Ben’s leg against him and his hand come to rest on his thigh, causing him to look at him, a warm feeling coming over him at the grin on his face.

About an hour later, they all left the Vic, Johnny upstairs and Jay to the Mitchell place with Ben and Callum slowly coming up behind.

“Johnny’s pretty cool, hey?” Ben asked, turnign to Callum to pull him into the shadows.

“Yeah, seems great,” Callum said breathlessly as Ben attacked that spot on his neck that connected directly to his cock. “Jesus Ben” right before Ben attacked his mouth, tongues and teeth clashing. 

“Okay, okay we gotta stop,” Ben said with a low chuckle, “or we’ll be doing something illegal.”

“So let’s go home, definitely not illegal there,” Callum said into Ben’s neck between kisses.

“Hmm, can’t, promised Lexi I would stay at Ian’s tonight, take her to school tomorrow and all that.” Ben felt more than saw Callum stop adn look at him, not wanting to look in his eyes.

“You took your stuff there didn't’ you?

“Yeah, wanted to see Lexi and just seem to make more sense.”

“Then coming home?”

“Look, I need to be with Lexi right now, she’s still upset that I left without telling her.”

“Right, so when are you coming back home?”

Silence met his question.

“Ben?” Callum trying to not sound angry.

“Soon, okay, look, it isn’t that big of a deal. I just need to spend some time with Lexi. You and me, let’s just keep going. It’s good,” he stood up tall to kiss Callum on the mouth.

“You’re sure?” Callum asked, doubtful.

“Promise, c’mon walk me to Ian’s. I don’t want to get jumped, I need a big tall man to protect me.”


	70. Chapter 70

One Month Later

“So, thing’s going well with Callum?” Jay asked as he and Ben sat having a mid afternoon drink on a Saturday afternoon causing Ben to give a smile.

“Yeah, you know, we hang out a couple times a week, I stay over, things are going well. You know, everyone is happy.” Jay raised an eyebrow. “Trust me, bruv, Callum is happy without anyone feeling overwhelmed.”

“If you say so, any plans for tonight?”

“Yeah, hit a club with Jay and Callum, new one in Soho. Should be fun. You and Lola want to come?”

“Nah, going to do a stay- in tonight and, the reason I wanted to meet was to talk about something? Lola and I played paper rock scissors and I lost so here we are.” Jay took a breathe before continuing. “Lola and I found a place, together, just two blocks from the square with two bedrooms, sitting room and a good kitchen.”

Ben stared at Jay, no really comprehending the words coming out of the other man’s mouth. 

“What? Why? Everything is so good, you guys aren’t going to go anywhere.” Ben said urgently, “everything is really good right now. You and Lola, Lexi, Callum, why would you want to change anything?”

“Lola and I going back and forth from the Mitchell’s to Ian’s is not a long term plan for our relationship. Lola and I want to build something, a future, a future where we live together. Maybe have more of a family,” Jay finished quietly as Ben stared at him in shock, silence coming down between them.

“More family? What do you mean more family? We have a family.”

Jay sigh, he knew this conversation wouldn’t be a fun one, Ben didn’t like change at the best of times when he thought things were going well.

“Ben, you can’t seriously think this is going to work long term? Lola and I are going between houses, hard to plan a life with that. You did it with Callum, why wouldn’t we want to do it?”

“Hasn’t really worked out has it?”

“That’s cause of you Ben, not Callum. Not anymore. Lola and I are doing this and --” Jay stopped speaking as Ben stood up quickly, knocking his chair backwards. 

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Ben said harshly before turning to storm away.

“Where are you going?” Jay called after him.

“To talk to Lola,” he yelled back before walking out the door.

“Oh yeah,” Jay said before taking a drink, “that’s going to go REAL well.”

************

“I’m so happy you love the cut, it looks great on you,” Lola said to the smiling older blonde before her. “The cut and colour comes to --”

“What the hell, Lola, you can’t move out of the house,” Ben said storming into the salon and pushing her customer aside.

“Ben! I’m sorry, ma’am, really sorry,” Lola said apologetically while glaring at Ben moving away.

“Sorry, sorry, but I need to talk to you Lola.”

“Just go wait over there,” she said, waving over at the far window.

A few moments later, after apologizing to the customer and still getting a tip, she walked over to Ben.

“What the hell, Ben? I’m working, you know, to make money for our daughter?” Lola stood in front of him with her hands on his hips speaking angrily, “If I lose her as a client I will have your balls.”

“Yeah, well, explain to me why you are taking Lola and moving away?”

“What the hell are you talking about? Jay and I are moving into an apartment 2 blocks away. I knew you were going to do this, God, it isn’t a big deal.”

“Lola, you aren’t moving out.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I mean, nothing good can come from this. What’s going to happen, really? You guys will move into together and be happy?”

“Ben,” Lola tried to interrupt.

“No, you move in together, think it’ll last but one of you will figure out it won’t. And how will that work for Lexi? Huh, Jay is her Uncle.”

“Ben, okay, what is going on? You moved in with Callum and I did nothing but encourage you guys. Why are you so upset about this?”

“And look how badly that turned out? I mean sure we were happy for a bit but look at us now. I mean, do you want to end up like that?”

“Ben --” she tried to interrupt with a worried look on her face but he just continued speaking.

“I mean yeah, we were happy but then the Whitney issue came up, and now we’ll never get that back. Living together is what ruined us and we aren’t going to come back from that, it’s better to not make that commitment to keep things going as they are. Maybe with Paul but who knows, so it’s better to just not. I love Callum but ---”

“Ben,” Lola said loudly, “stop talking.” Grabbing him by the shoulders to spin him around to see Callum standing in the doorway staring at Ben with wide shocked eyes.

“I have an appointment with Mitchell to get my hair cut,” Callum said slowly, eyes going back and forth the two standing in front of him. “But tell him I’ll rebook.” Spinning around, he strided out of the Salon not looking back.

“Fuck.” 

“Well done dipshit. You’re an ass, you know that Ben Mitchell?”


	71. Chapter 71

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I had some creative issues of how I wanted to get where I wanted to go (there were a bunch of drafts all of which annonyed me in some way) this though works the way I wanted it too. Should only be a couple more chapters now.

“Callum, hey wait. Callum.”

Callum didn’t stop, striding away, anger simmering as everything Ben had been saying when he walked into the salon.

“Better to not make that commitment to keep things going as they are.”

“I love Callum but --”

Ben calling his voice getting closer broke through but didn’t stop him until he felt a hand on his shoulder that spun him around.

“Callum, wait” Ben said, spinning him around, “just wait.”

“Why? Why, in God’s name, would I want to wait to talk to you? I heard what you said to Lola, that you don’t want to live with me. That you don’t love me.” His voice lowering in anger, not in attempting to hide his hurt and anger from the other man. 

“I didn’t say that --” Ben started before Callum interrupted him.

“You pretty much did, Ben. God, I’m such an idiot, here I’m planning to ask you to come back ho -- to move back in tonight and you were just stringing me along as a sex buddy. The guy you are keeping around cause you like that he’s at your beck and call, but no future plans. I thought we were back to building something, clearly it was all in my imagination.”

“It’s not Callum, it’s just, maybe living together isn’t the best idea. We were so good together before, so much simpler than and I --”

“And I’m not Perfect Paul, right? I heard you in there ‘Maybe with Paul.’ Maybe with Paul you’d want to be in a relationship. Maybe with Paul you’d love him enough to not give up, maybe with Paul you’d be brave enough to love me. But, you know, what I’m officially sick of hearing about Perfect Paul. I”m tired of being told I’m not good enough, that you were happier with Paul and that you loved me more. Because, you know, I deserve better than that, I am enough and I’m so sick, sick and tired of trying to make you love me.”

“Callum, wait, no,” desperation in Ben’s voice. “Let’s sit down and talk. When I said Paul, I didn't’ mean.”

“No, no. I’m done talking to you, I’m done following you around like a lost little puppy dog.” 

Ben watched as Callum’s rage seemed to seep out of him until there was nothing left. “Cal, we can. . “

“No, we can’t. I’m tired of trying to make you love me again, of trying to make us viable again. I’m just done. You don’t owe me anything and I don’t owe you. We’re good. Thinking we could be together, make each other happy, love each other wasn’t right. Just, just,” Callum gave a little sigh and laughed, “I guess you were right, this isn't fixable. I want a boyfriend to build a life with and for a while I thought we were but now, after all this, I know we aren’t. You don’t want a commitment, not really, at least not with me, and no matter how much I tell or show you it won’t be enough.” He looked at Ben who just stared at him before continuing, “I deserve better than that. I hope you find someone who makes you believe in love again the way Paul did, I really do.”

With a bittersweet smile, Callum turned and walked away, not looking back just ahead while Ben stared after him in silence.


	72. Chapter 72

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was stuck with how to finish this but it's come to me now!! This isn't the end but I actually know how to end it so that's good!!

“Buy you a drink?”

Callum looked up at the dark curly haired guy standing beside him where he sat at the wood of the random pub he had found after leaving the square.

“No, thanks, I’m good. Just having a quiet drink.”

“C’mon, I’m waiting for a mate and suspect he won’t show,” the man smiled at Callum while speaking, causing Callum’s general good nature took over.

“Sure, why not. Just one though.”

The bartender brought over the drinks as the man sat down beside Callum, “So what brings you here today? I haven’t seen you in here before?”

“Usually go to the Albert or Vic, about a 20 minute walk from here, I just saw this place and it looked quiet,” giving the guy a sidelook as he said it.

“Yeah, it’s a good pub. I used to go to the Vic, long time ago but haven’t been in a while.”

“Did you live in the square?”

“Yeah, had to leave but it was a great place to live. Fell in love there, met a great guy,’ he said wishfully.

“Yeah, what happened?”

“Had to leave, he had to stay, wasn’t much we could do. What about you? Live on the street? Any significant others?”

“I used to live right on it, above the funeral parlour but now just a few blocks from the Vic, well I still do just a couple blocks from the Vic. Live with my boyfriend, well I used to live with my boyfriend but not anymore. He’s an ass,” Callum said firmly before taking a long drink from the beer.

“Oh yeah, what’d he do?”

And somehow Callum found that entire story pouring out of him - from Ben leaving him to going to Dublin to Ben coming back and their sort of attempt to get back together to the blow out on the square earlier. 

“So, while I thought we were actually moving forward, apparently he’s happy to have a casual relationship and we are not on the same page at all. I’m such an idiot for thinking we were on the same page, that he loved me. God, I’m such an idiot.”

“Sounds like he’s a bit of chicken shit, if you want my opinion. Runs away instead of talking to you, doesn’t call you back, goes from living together to making you feel like he’s using you. Kinda an ass.”

“Well, not completely, I mean he makes me coffee every morning, it’s always ready for me, he will bring me lunch at work and, oddly enough, always does the laundry which he knows I hate doing. LIke, despise doing and he does it without question. Plus, I love the way he smells.

“Ya, he does smell amazing,” the other man said quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing. Have you tried talking to him? Sitting down and talking to him? I mean, it sounds like you guys don’t really talk. He’s scared and you’re walking around him on eggshells trying to not upset anything. Hard to actually have a successful relationship that way. My ex was that, every now and then you had to lay things out for him, make him face facts cause emotions weren’t his thing which drove me nuts. Also, waiting for him to come out was exhausting, he was living with his girlfriend at the time while telling me how much he wanted to be with me and sleeping with other men. Trust me, I get dumbass boyfriends.”

“Was it worth it? Cause to be honest, it sounds like you maybe need your head examined,” Callum said with a laugh, causing the other man to laugh.

“Yeah, that’s possible. But, in the end, loving him and getting him to love and accept himself was the best thing I ever did.”

“Ben gave me the strength to come out, to accept who I was. I’m not sure I could have done it without him, he just made me feel so accepted. And loved for the first time ever. And when it’s good, it’s amazing. He can just be so frustrating and make me want to yell.”

“I guess you have to decide if he’s worth sitting down and talking with or just give up. But sounds like you don’t really want to?” he asked, causing Callum to stare at the wall in thought for a few minutes as silence descended between them. 

“I think I have to go,” Callum said getting up, “but not until I go to the loo. We’ve drank more than I thought. Be right back.”

When he returned, the seat beside him was now empty, looking around he couldn't see the man anywhere.

“Hey,” speaking to the bartender, “did you see where the guy sitting beside went? And I need the bill.”

“Oh yeah, he paid the bill and left. Told me to tell you to not let him walk over you and that he’s worth it. Which is weird, but he tipped well,” the bartender said with a shake of his head before heading to the other end of the bar.

Callum staring at his back with a perplexed look before turning to leave, determination in his every step.


	73. Chapter 73

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK,” Ben said watching Callum walk away from him. 

“I don’t think that will help,” Lola said dryly as she came up behind him. 

“Fuck off, Lola.”

“You need to figure out what you want Ben, because if all you’ve been doing to stringing Callum along so you can have a regular sex partner but know it’s going no further that’s just cruel.”

“I’m not leading him on?”

“Seriously? I knew you’d be unhappy with Jay and I moving in together, mostly I assumed due to not having Lexi every day. I didn’t expect it to be that you suddenly thought Jay and I would fall apart and you didn’t want to live with Callum. I mean, Ben, that is not the appearance you have been giving off,” pausing to see if he would say anything but when he didn’t Lola continued. “I’d thought you’d grown out of this shit but maybe you’re just an ass.”

Lola turned to walk away but paused to look back and speak to Ben, “Paul would be so disappointed in you.”

All Ben could do was stare at her, a little voice in his head saying she wasn’t wrong. A voice that sounded a lot like Paul’s. 

He could hear Paul in his head “You can’t hide behind me. Don’t be a shit”

Walking aimless, he found himself outside of his Dad’s place and inside of it without really realizing it.

“Anyone home?” Silence his only answer before heading up the stairs to open the attic, going up the drop down ladder when it landed and walk cautiously over to the corner where a box marked “Ben” sat. Tucking it under his arm, climbing back down the ladder and heading out of the house, without much thought he found himself at his and Callum’s place. Jacket off, sitting on the sofa, lid off the box adn staring at the contents. Pictures. Pictures of him growing up, pictures with Jay and others. And at the bottom, pictures of him and Paul. Arms around each other, one with Paul’s arms wrapped around his neck smiling into the camera and, Ben’s favourite, Paul smiling into the camera with his eyes lit up. With a sigh, laid the photo down, closing his eyes as he leaned back, it had all seemed so simple than. 

Well, not simpler but easier to accept and believe in him and Paul. In their future, their happiness and after losing Paul getting to that point became so much harder. If he was honest with himself Whitney had been the excuse to bail and when he came back, not moving back in another way to not be too involved.

And it wasn’t fair to Callum.

Or himself. He wasn’t the same person now as he had been then. And, if he was honest, he wasn’t sure Paul could deal with him now, not the way Callum could. 

Opening his eyes, looking at the picture lost in thought, he didn’t hear the door open or close, jumping when he heard Callum’s voice. 

“Wishing you lived here with Paul?”


	74. Author's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter was updated, Pam really didn't need to make an appearence. Time for the boys to have a heart to heart. That will be next chapter, I'm in the process of writing it. You'll need to re-read the previous chapter

See Above in regards to Author's Note


	75. Chapter 63

“You came back. I’m so glad you came back,” Ben said, getting up off the couch and throwing the picture face down on the table. “And no, I’m not wishing I lived here with Paul.”

Callum just grunted in response while kicking off his shoes, a clearly skeptical grunt. 

“I know after what you heard why you’d think that but I’m not. Honestly I’m not. Things were just easier then. That whole time was easier.”

“Right, so it’s hard being with me?”

“No, yes, I mean, it’s hard trusting what we have. And when we moved in together and I watched you become closer with Whitney, making that little voice in my head say we couldn’t work. That I shouldn’t trust you.”

“And, let me guess, you never had that issue with Perfect Paul?” Callum asked with more sarcasm than Ben had ever heard before.

“Callum --”

“No, all I’ve heard since you broke up with me is how great Paul was, how much you loved him, he loved you and was basically perfect. It’s hard to not be --” he paused before continuing with a deep breathe “Jealous. And I really don’t want to be jealous of a dead man.”

“Paul was very far from perfect and you shouldn’t be jealous of a dead man. I don’t want you to be jealous of a dead man.”

Both sat in silence, neither sure what to say next.

“We’ve never really talked about Paul,” Ben finally said quietly.

“No, I just thought you didn’t want to talk about him. And I didn’t realize until now just how much he overshadows our relationship. For you. For everyone else and, now, for me.”

Gently, taking Callum’s hand, leading him from the kitchen table they had both come to stand by while talking, to the sofa and pulling the taller man to sit down when he didn’t right away.

“Let’s talk about Paul,” Ben said. 

“I don’t know if hearing how perfect your relationship was will help.”

Ben laughed quietly before replying, “Our relationship was so far from perfect. When I first met Paul I was so far in the closet I had a girlfriend but slept with men on the side, usually without protection, and refused to admit to anyone who I really was.” When Callum didn’t say anything he continued, telling him how he met Paul, how he lived with Abi as a way to convince his Dad that he was straight and “normal.” 

“When I finally did admit I was gay, really admit it, Jay made me stand in the kitchen and say over and over ‘I’m gay’ to him in the kitchen. Paul refused to have any relationship with me until I broke up with Abi and I still denied I was gay, Then Abi said she was pregnant with my child and it all became so much worse.”

“So, the fake pregnancy was really a thing? I sort of thought that was a joke,” Callum said. All he had said since Ben had started. 

“I know right? Right out of some bad soap, but it is. Abi and I, we went through a lot together and she knew the only way I’d stay at that point was for a kid. Family means everything. And a child, I mean Lexie was already around by then but I had very little to do with her. Basically nothing and a child with Abi, I would have stayed for that child. To ensure that child never felt the way I did - unwanted, unloved and forgotten. And I made it very clear to Paul that we   
were over and -- well I eventually found out that Abi wasn’t pregnant, Paul didn’t make it easy for me. Rightfully so, I’m hard to love especially cause I can be an ass. As he found out. Like when I cheated on Abi with another guy and gave her a STD. Or when I was still with Abi but loving Paul but still went out to hook out with other guys cause I just didn’t know how to deal with everything. I made nothing easy.”

“I don’t know what to stay. How do I compete with that?”

“You don’t, we don’t. It isn't’ my relationship with Paul, it’s his death. How that affected everything after that.”


End file.
